The Accidental Necromancer
Spirited Slime

Kathy and Talos rejoined us, and I had a decision to make.

“Lesseth, I understand that your people have some ideas about right of conquest, and all that. But my people don’t, and in fact it would be wrong of me to claim ownership of you simply because I murdered your husband. Nor do my people think that such a thing makes us married.”

Lesseth frowned and nodded. “Many of the lesser races don’t follow demon customs,” she said. “But you should embrace your heritage.”

Valeria gave me a funny look. I’d have to explain things to her soon.

“I am,” I said. “I come from a far off land, and we have our own customs. So, Lesseth, I set you free. Your life is your own, and you may go where you wish and do what you please, as long as you don’t harm me or mine.”

“Really?” she asked.

“Really.”

“I can hold you to that?”

“Yes.”

“You swear it?”

I had the vague feeling that it was bad to make oaths with demons, but I shrugged. “Sure. I swear it. By, um, Zeus.”

Lesseth smiled. “I don’t know who Zeus is, but I witness and accept your oath.”

I addressed everyone else. “I should check in with the Chief and then let’s head back. Kathy, I expect your phone is blowing up by now with texts you might need to answer, so the sooner we get back within range the better.”

“Maybe Talos and I could get started, and you could follow with your girlfriends?” Kathy suggested.

“Sure.”

Valeria grinned, and it took me a moment to realize that it was the word “girlfriend” and my acceptance of it.

I went to talk to Gavabar. Rargar was with him, so I apologized to Rargar for the punch he’d received.

Rargar shrugged. “I understand. I just wished I’d given him a little bit more of what he gave me. I’m going into training for a rematch.”

It didn’t sound hostile, just competitive, so I let it go. Valeria could always heal the pugilists. I addressed the chief. “You put a lot of your villagers to work trying to find Kathy, and I appreciate it. I hope this helps?” I handed him a bottle of Jack Daniels.

“Always happy to help a friend,” Gavabar said, while taking the gift and stashing it on a shelf behind him.

“Likewise,” I said. “We’re going to head back home.”

“Ah, the mysterious home,” Gavabar said.

“Nothing mysterious about it,” I said, as casually as I could. “I live in the woods, you know that.”

“Ah, yes, but Gren says you have a big secret.”

“She’s talking about my –” but how do you say that to a girl’s father?

“Well then,” Gavabar said hurriedly. “Nice to see you, Abby. Tame travels. Rargar, could you escort our guests to the edge of the village, just to show there’s no hard feelings? Good, good.”

So Rargar walked out with me and then walked back when we got to the edge of the village. I couldn’t wait to get away from the smell, honestly. It was probably no worse than any similar fifteenth century human village, but the contrast between it and the forest was hard to ignore.

Lesseth was still there with the others.

“I wish you a happy and interesting life,” I told her.

“I wish you a happy and interesting life as well, not-my-wife,” she said.

Right. I put one arm around Valeria’s waist, which she didn’t object to, and another around Gren’s, and headed home. I wasn’t going to walk that way the whole time, but right now it felt good to have a beautiful girl on each arm. And the girl in the middle wasn’t too bad looking herself, if my mirror told the truth.

I let them go when the trees started getting denser, and we needed to follow the trail, which was when I noticed Lesseth right behind us.

“Uh,” I said. “I told you that you were free to go.”

Lesseth nodded. “To be precise, you swore that I could do with my life as I pleased, and go where I wanted.”

I had a bad feeling about that. “Yes, um, a whole world to explore.”

“I’ve decided to follow you. You don’t act like a demon, exactly. You have strange and very bloody weapons. You have beautiful companions who clearly adore you. You’re very mysterious, and by far the most interesting person I’ve met. So, I’m following you. As I please.”

Valeria shot me another look. We were really going to have to have that conversation soon.

“Yay!” Gren said. “More slime girl kisses!”

“Want one now?” asked Lesseth. “Just to show I have no grudge for you shooting me with an arrow after I submitted?”

“Um, sure,” Gren said.

Lesseth’s color shifted to a rich amber brown, and the scent of honey filled the air. And then she kissed Gren, and Gren’s eyes went wide. I watched, until Valeria pulled me aside.

“What does she mean, about you not acting like a demon?”

“When Enash created my body, he gave me horns. I think that makes my body technically that of a demon, and that’s also why I can teleport. The system says I’m a demon. I’ve never – well, I don’t feel demonic. I don’t think of myself that way.”

Valeria frowned. “You should have told me this before.”

“And how would that have gone over?” I asked.

“To be tied up by a seductive female demon with a giant cock, helpless to resist her.” She shuddered. “Oh, yes, you should have told me before, Abby.”

I just stared at her.

“And now that I know, I don’t know that you can trust me. I think you’ll have to tie me up again. Not the cage, though, you can’t get at me if I’m in the cage. Maybe to one of the beds. Just lying, there, never knowing when suddenly a gorgeous demon with long black hair and a body to die for might decide to ravish me.”

“Right, so you’re good with it, then?”

It was her turn to stare back at me. Finally, she said, “Abby, this is all so very wrong, but I don’t think anything can change how I feel about you.”

“Aw. I don’t think anything can change how I feel about you, either.” I kissed her, and she kissed back. We were good.

We also weren’t the only source of smooching sounds, and Gren and Lesseth were louder. In fact, Gren was making noises almost like the ones she made when she was blowing me.

Lesseth pulled back, but as she did her tongue stretched, so that even when her lips were a few inches away from Gren’s mouth she still had some tongue to withdraw.

“Wow,” Gren said. “But you need to be careful. I couldn’t breathe there for a moment, liquid lady.”

“Well,” Lesseth said. “I did have a little grudge at you for shooting an arrow at me, after all.”

Gren looked at Lesseth, who had finally gotten her whole tongue back in her mouth. Could she make it as long as she wanted? “Are we even, now?”

Lesseth nodded. “Even.” She turned to Valeria. “Could you heal me? I would owe you a favor.”

“I’m not interested in your favors,” Valeria said. She turned to me. “Should I, Abby?”

“Oh, what the – um, sure.” Maybe it was best not to mention hell in front of the paladin and the demon. It might cause a religious debate.

Valeria shrugged. “Because Abby says so,” she said, and reached out to touch the honey-colored girl. Her hand sunk into Lesseth in a disconcerting way, and then she pulled it back.

“Thank you,” Lesseth said.

“Thank Abby,” Valeria said. “Owe the favor to her.”

“Thank you, Abby,” Lesseth said. “I owe you my soul and my life.”

We were back to that, were we? And Gren was smirking at me. The only way out of it was to kill Lesseth, or threaten to. I wasn’t at all sure the latter would work, not only because I wasn’t sure she’d believe me, but because she already knew approximately where I came from. If she decided to investigate, or seek revenge as a woman spurned, it would be hard for even Xyla to stop her.

And I wasn’t going to kill her.

A restraining order wouldn’t do much good, either.

“Okay, Lesseth,” I said. “You can come along.”

She nodded. “Thank you, Abby. For your generous hospitality I owe you –”

“It’s more that I can’t stop you,” I said.

Lesseth grinned. She didn’t have teeth, but it was still a grin. “There is that, isn’t there? Although you could kill me. I’ve decided to take that risk.”

“Daring demon,” Gren said. “Spirited slime.”

I turned back toward home. I was grumpy. As soon as I could in life, I’d worked for myself. No one to boss around, no one to boss me. Now one more woman was pushing herself into my life.

“Hey, glum girl,” said Gren, catching up to me. “Turn that frown upside down. She’s fun! And you’ve got me, and Xyla, and Valeria, too, all ready for you anytime you want to plunge your big –”

I looked at her.

“What?” she asked. “You always interrupt me, so I just figured I’d stop there.”

“Ah.”

“Cock,” she said.

I smiled, slightly. “Valeria and I are not, um, there.”

“You keep telling yourself that,” Gren said, moving ahead of me and walking backward through the forest in front of me. “Give me your hands.”

I put my hands in hers. She moved them to under her top, resting them on her breasts. I could feel her nipples press against my palms. “Hey, Val,” she said. “Want a hand? One on each of us?

“I – “ Val said, and then stopped, because Gren tripped over a root. Where my hands were, I couldn’t get them out to catch her the normal way, so I quickly teleported a few feet forward and turned around. It seemed like a good idea at the time, but the net effect was something more like dominos, as Gren knocked into me and I fell over. Valeria, meanwhile had run forward to try to do something and then managed to trip over the same root, landing on top of us.

Lesseth, however, jumped intentionally. And then went liquid, honey oozing all over us.

I’m not saying they were heavy, or anything, but I was on the bottom of the pile.

“And what’s going on here?” Xyla asked, coming from nowhere as she tended to do. “Either you all decided to have an orgy and not invite me, or you’re being attacked by an ooze. Either way, I’m quite put out.”

Lesseth was oozing honey onto my face, close enough to reach out my tongue and taste. The smell almost made me do so reflexively. I had no doubt she tasted good. But I also could hardly breathe with all the weight on me, so I looked to the side. Dimension Step.

Xyla didn’t look put out. She was snickering.

I got to my feet, and brushed some of the dirt off my dress, trying to get my dignity back. “How long have you been watching?”

“A while.” She giggled. “I love physical humor.”

“Well, I’m glad we amused you,” I said, still working on the dignity thing. “Xyla, Lesseth.”

“Ah. A friend?” Xyla asked.

I shrugged.

“You’re a dryad,” Lesseth said, standing up and reforming into a humanoid woman, and changing back to her natural red color at the same time. Her scent shifted, too, to something vaguely metallic. “Nice to meet you,” she said.

“Nice to meet you, too,” Xyla said. “I’ve never met a demon of viscosity before. Sorry for the ooze comment.”

“Slime girl, please,” Lesseth said.

“Slime girl? But just thirty years ago we were all learning to say demon of viscosity.”

“That was thirty years ago!” Lesseth said. “You know, all sentient beings are largely liquid. You just have very high viscosity, so to single out slime demons – well, come on!”

“Slime girl it is,” Xyla said. “I’m kind of reliant on visitors coming through the forest to keep me up to date.” She turned to me, wrapped her arms around me, and gave me a kiss. “Welcome back, wife. I should have known you would come back with a new girl, somehow. I just didn’t expect it to be a demon of – a slime girl.”

“Neither did I.” It felt like a massive understatement.

She whispered in my ear. “I can’t protect you from her,” she whispered. “I hope you know what you’re doing.”

I wanted to fill her in, but that would have to wait. I shrugged.

Gren and Valeria had managed to get up.

“Well, then, shall we continue?” I asked.

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