The Accidental Necromancer
I Always Dress Like This

I had a lovely early evening with Xyla, and we fell asleep cuddled up in the lounge chair. When I woke up the stars were out again. She stirred when I did, looking up at me sleepily. She’d been working hard, no wonder she was tired.

“I should go back to my world,” I said, softly.

“No,” Xyla said. “You should stay here and give me sex and chocolate and cuddles.”

I admitted she made a persuasive point.  But I’d spent the last night in Amaranth, and I didn’t want Kathy to wonder what happened to me. I had to admit I was acting suspicious, from her point of view. There was danger in letting her get closer, and also in keeping her at a distance when she didn’t want that.

I hated the idea of stringing Kathy along because I hated the idea of stringing anyone along. Under ordinary circumstances, I wouldn’t have hesitated to see what could happen between us. She was cute, and smart. She hadn’t been as fazed by the idea of polyamory as I thought she would be.

“You have your other women,” Xyla said, a little more perceptively than I liked.

So I explained, and then added, “I told her not to come to me, that I’d reach out to her. And most people, when they hear that, suspect that it’s the other person’s way of saying ‘no, not interested.’”

“And you are interested.”

“Well, yes.”

“So fuck her. Give her lots of babies. Human lives are short.”

Xyla could be perceptive, but her point of view wasn’t always in sync with mine. “No breeding,” I said.

“Well, then, what is it? Don’t tell me she’s as sexy as I am.” She chuckled. “Don’t tell me you’d rather be that big hunk, either.”

“No comparisons,” I said. “It’s all very different.” I told Xyla about Kathy seeing the bows, but also about the fact that I really didn’t have any good explanation for all the deliveries of lumber I’d be getting. There were only so many workbenches one could justify building. Maybe I could explain the next batch by saying I was building a giant model railroad layout. No, she’d just want to see the trains, and what train geek would pass on showing his layout to a cute girl?

I was in that situation I’d always avoided, living two lives, having to make up reasons to cover for the things I wasn’t willing to talk about.

“So you need to make an appearance, to make it clear that you exist in that world.”

“Yeah. And probably do a little more work on the house, to make my story look legit.”

“I’ll miss you. Abel? If you weren’t concerned about the gate, what would you do Kathy?”

“Well,” I said. “Neighbors can get tricky. If there’s a breakup…”

“We’re neighbors,” she pointed out. “Didn’t stop you.”

“Fair.”

“You didn’t answer my question.” She nibbled on the chocolate. She had a well centered brown smudge on her lower lip that reminded me of Princess Amidala.

“Without the gate, I’d probably see where it went,” I said. “But without the gate, I’d also be thinking we wouldn’t be neighbors for more than a year.”

“’See where it went’ means you’d sleep with her?”

Xyla could be awfully direct. But direct communication was good communication, and maybe I needed to be more direct myself. “Yes, I’d probably sleep with her if she wanted it. If it weren’t for the gate.”

“Then if you want to be acting normal…” Xyla said.

“It doesn’t bother you?” I asked. Not that I needed her permission. Being honest did not mean putting someone else in charge. But I wanted to know.

“Abby, I’m not in love with Abel. I’m in love with you.”

“It’s the same person.”

“Sure, but it’s the same person without these.” She rubbed a little bit of chocolate on one of my nipples, and then licked it off.

“It’s hard to go when you do that,” I told her honestly.

“Sorry,” she said, not sounding very sorry at all. “You know if I was really trying to stop you I’d wrap you in vines and pin you to the chair.”

She would, too. Of course, I’d Dimension Step out of it. I wondered who would run out of mana first. “I think I should go back to my world.”

“I’ll go with you,” she said. “But only because I want to take a shower.”

We ended up taking a shower together, which was fun even with only one pair of breasts, and then she went back home.

It was later than I’d intended when I knocked on Kathy’s door, a few minutes after nine, and she didn’t answer the knock right away. I didn’t think she was likely to go to bed that early, but maybe. Or maybe she was out, although her car was in her driveway. You could walk to some shops from where we were, and it wasn’t too dangerous to be out late at night. But most of the shops would be closed by now, except the grocery store, and while I felt safe at night, I wasn’t sure I’d feel nearly as safe if I was Kathy. I was pretty sure Kathy was home.

I wouldn’t feel safe wandering around as Abby, I suppose. I just never thought about it that way, because Abby had magic. Abby was bad ass, and beyond that, had a particularly effective method of running away. And as Abby I lived away from people, in the forest. But strip that away, and I knew there were people who’d see someone to covet. Someone who could be taken advantage of. I remembered walking through the troll village and feeling a little of that fear, and trolls couldn’t even get it up without drinking.

I almost forgot I was in the body of a man for a moment, and then Kathy opened the door.

She wore a filmy sky blue negligee that did little to conceal a lacy black bra and panty set, or her otherwise bare pink skin. She had a slash of red lipstick on, too, almost violent against her otherwise untouched face and her blonde hair. “Why, Abel. Hi there.”

Right, she just happened to be wearing that getup and have lipstick on, when I came by. And then it took her five minutes to answer the door. Well, there was one possible explanation. “Expecting other company?” I asked, with a grin. It would be easier, in a way, if she was. I’d get more sleep, and I wouldn’t have to worry about her being jealous of my other friends.

“No, I was just getting ready for bed,” she said. “Come on in.” She stepped back, and I noticed she was wearing heels, too.

Just getting ready for bed, my ass. I walked inside, and she shut the door behind her. If she wanted to pretend that she put lipstick and heels on to go to bed, I wasn’t going to call her on it.

“Can I offer you something to drink?” she asked. “I can make sidecars.”

“Sure. A sidecar would be great. Easy on the brandy. And the Cointreau, for that matter.”

She laughed. “Will do. And I’ll go easy on them myself. I don’t want to be impaired, now, do I?”

“Might be dangerous, especially in those heels.” I couldn’t resist letting her know I noticed.

She laughed, but it sounded a little forced. I watched her as she went to the kitchen. The negligee was almost invisible, and the panties were just a thong, so there was plenty to watch. I never got a really good view of Abby’s ass, I realized. I’d always been more of a boob man, if I had to pick, but views like that might convert me.

I looked around the living room once the view disappeared around a corner. She had a nice couch, and a single matching recliner. A coffee table had a few large books on it, one on the archaeological wonders of the world, another on home improvement. I reached out for the archaeology one and noticed a rectangle on the table after I picked it up. It was subtle, just a little more dust where it hadn’t been than where it had, but enough to let me know that the book had been there for a while.

At the other end, next to the recliner, the table looked more used, with a coaster that still had traces of moisture on it, an e-reader, and a cell phone.

I wondered if she’d been reading, a few feet from the door, when I knocked. Most people kept their phones nearby. Well, if she wanted to put all that effort into seducing me, I didn’t have any objection. Honestly, I was easier than that.

She came out with drinks in elegant cocktail glasses, complete with a wedge of orange, but they weren’t very full.

“If you’d be more comfortable if I put more on,” she said, not finishing the sentence.

“No complaints,” I told her.

She sat down on the couch, not quite squarely so as to still face me, and she gestured for me to take the place next to her. I’d already been moving that way. She put her leg over mine, and raised her glass. “Here’s to crime,” she said.

I clinked and sipped.

“I thought you were just putting me off, when you said you’d come over,” she said.

“If I wanted to put you off, I’d just tell you a polite no thank you.”

“Some people aren’t so direct.”

“Well, I like people to be direct with me,” I said. “‘No’ is a gift. ‘Yes’ is lovely, but ‘Maybe’ is the worst.”

“Ah,” she said. “Am I being direct enough for you, Abel?”

“Maybe,” I said, and we both laughed.

“I enjoyed watching you the other day. When you had all that lumber. There’s nothing like watching a big strong man using his muscles to do work.”

I chuckled. “Oh, I think I can think of a few things.” She wasn’t wearing that outfit because she wanted me to ignore it, or her body, so I let my gaze rove meaningfully.

“I thought of taking up women,” she said. “When men turned out to be such a bust.”

“Hashtag not all men?”

“TBD,” she said. “That seemed like an awful lot of wood for a workbench, Abel. I bet it’s a really sturdy one.”

“When I do something, I like to do it right.”

“Even when you’re just passing through?” she asked, fluttering her eyelashes and leaning closer.

“Even when I’m just passing through,” I said, kissing her offered lips and wondering if all the double meanings were intended. I felt like a schmuck for lying about the workbench, even when I had reasons. Kissing meant not talking, at least, but it was a temporary, if pleasant, solution. I needed a change of subject, and my life consisted almost entirely about things I couldn’t talk about.

“So how long have you lived here?”

She frowned. “I moved in with my ex-husband seven years ago. Let’s not talk about that. Let’s talk about you. I’m sure it’s much more interesting. Would you like to show me that workbench of yours?”

We were right back to that. “Well, it’s not actually built yet,” I said. Honesty, of a sort.

“Just getting the wood in place?” she said, putting her hand on my thigh.

“Um, yes.”

“It’s important for the wood to be in the right place, I guess,” she said, moving her hand up. “All that big, thick, long wood.”

I did tell her I liked direct, didn’t I? Well, at least we weren’t talking about the fictional workbench anymore, and I had plenty of excuse for more kissing. I slipped my hands into her negligee and cupped her breasts as we embraced, and my wood got bigger, thicker, and longer.

“Mmm, this is nice,” she said. “I should tell you that I don’t know if I’m ready to go all the way yet.”

“That’s fine,” I said. “We’ll stop wherever you’re comfortable.”

“I’m not trying to be a tease, I just – I don’t know, we need to get to know each other better.”

“Actually, I totally agree.” I was, admittedly, focused on getting to know her tits better at the moment. Her nipples had hardened, and she gave off little shudders when my thumb rubbed the lace against them.

“You do?” she asked.

“Yes. Build a connection.”

We made out for a while longer, and then she said, “You’re either the biggest bullshit talker or the best man I’ve talked to in a long time.”

“Hmm. I’ve either been complimented or insulted. And maybe we should settle down if we want to keep our pants on.”

“Maybe,” she agreed, and withdrew her hand. “Sorry, maybe is a naughty word.”

“To be fair, I used it first.”

“You did.” She sipped her drink.

I leaned back on the couch and sipped a little myself. I didn’t mind the tease act, actually. Blue balls were a fiction, I had a perfectly good right hand if she wound me up too much, and I would have felt that way even if I hadn’t been inside Xyla just a few hours ago. I enjoyed a woman’s sexuality at whatever level, and I didn’t want to rob myself of the pleasure of Kathy’s salacious attention just because she didn’t want to go ‘all the way.’

“Do you have fantasies, Abel?” she asked me.

“Fantasies? Like sex fantasies?” I stalled for time.

“Yes.”

“Sometimes, when I’m trying to go to sleep, I imagine a world where everyone just touches each other a lot. Where we’re all psychic, and know when someone else wants to be touched. Where no one is ashamed of their bodies.”

“Hmm,” she said. I expected her to ding me for my vagueness, but she had another thing in mind. “I’ve been thinking, ever since I saw you with all that wood, of what it would be like to be bent over a workbench, the smell of the fresh wood still in the air, the big strong man that built it having his way with me.”

We were somehow back to the workbench again. “Um, I never take women down to the basement,” I said.

“Oh?” she asked. “So my workbench fantasy is – well, not any more likely than your fantasy about us all being psychic?”

I nodded. “Sorry about that.”

“Oh, like you said, it’s better to have a no than a maybe. And it’s odd, but somehow I’m not horribly surprised. Your basement must be a very important place to you.”

“Well, it’s kind of moldy at the moment. I’m working on that.”

“Hmm. Well, Abel, thank you for visiting, and please do come again, but it’s kind of late right now, and somehow being told that a basement is more important than me leaves me feeling… dry.” She stood up. “But – well, maybe we could have a date on the weekend sometime? At an archery range, maybe? It might be an interesting way to get to know each other better, to explore one another’s hobbies.”

“What are your hobbies, Kathy?” I asked, standing also. It seemed the evening was over. What could I say? The secret in my basement was bigger than any one person.

“Oh, my hobbies are boring. I just play Bejeweled, and read trashy romance books. Not the sort of thing a man would like at all.”

“I’ve read a trashy romance or two. But I admit I don’t make a regular habit of it.”

“Well,” she said smoothly, “do make a regular habit of coming by. Or may I pop by next time?”

It was hard to tell her she couldn’t, even though surprise visits didn’t really fit with my current life. “Of course. Sometimes I’m out, but if I’m around, and don’t have company, I’ll be happy to see you.”

“Lovely,” she said, her body language leaning toward the door.

I took the hint and headed out. She stopped me for a goodbye kiss, and I realized we were silhouetted against the open door, me fully dressed, her in her underwear. I wondered what the neighbors would think, but it didn’t stop me from enjoying the kiss as she pressed her body into mine.

“Goodnight, Kathy,” I said.

“Goodnight, Abel. Sweet dreams.”

I walked back home feeling a little horny, and a lot confused.