The Accidental Necromancer
Doer of Dark Deeds

I woke up wondering about my priorities. Here on Earth, my biggest problems were that I only had enough money to live for a year or so, less if I kept buying swords. My second biggest problem was a cute but nosy neighbor.

On Amaranth, there could be a war brewing. A small war, not involving thousands of people, but nonetheless people could die. And I was a part-timer, who could take time off from it, while for Xyla and Gren it was life and death.

I ate some cereal for breakfast, and was reminded that I had another problem, small. I needed to do a grocery run. The fall weather had turned a little cold today, and I was grateful, because it meant that Kathy wasn’t out on her porch when I got the sword and dagger from the van. Then I drove to get groceries, and the hardware store for a peephole and a bunch of electronics, all the while wishing I was back on Amaranth. When I got home, I put the groceries away, and then hurried down to the basement, my backpack loaded with stuff as usual.

I breathed a sigh of relief as I transformed into Abby.

I hadn’t felt awkward in my body since I started getting muscles in high school and the cool kids decided there were weaker prey to pick on. But as Abel, I increasingly felt big and awkward somehow, even though I was good with my hands. It didn’t help that I had to duck every time I went to the basement because I was a couple of inches too tall for the stairs.

I changed into a bra, panties, jeans, and a halter top. No one in Amaranth was going to object to my bra straps showing. I allowed myself a quick glance in the mirror, was pleased with what I saw, and then got out my drill to bore a hole for the peephole. I couldn’t see much out the hole, of course, and there was work to do on the other side to install the hardware. But I looked through it anyway, and saw only green.

I undid the bolts and drew my sword carefully from its scabbard on my left hip. I’d have to practice to do it quickly, because it was designed to have the edge face up and I didn’t want to cut myself. Then I unlocked the door and opened it.

No one there. Good, I suppose, but despite my drawn sword, I was hoping for Xyla.

There was no point in lumbering off through the forest trying to find them, and I had work to do, in any case. I set up the outside part of the peephole hardware, including the fish-eye lens. I’d purchased a particularly wide one. I checked from the other side, and the view was pretty good. Someone could still hide, of course, but they’d have to know something of how the lens worked to figure out the safe spots.

Hopefully, I was about to fix that, too, assuming all the technology worked.

I debated revving the line trimmer, but I didn’t need Xyla or Gren. I just wanted to know they were alright. I was pretty sure that if Xyla wanted to know when I was up, she could have a squirrel watch for me. And the work I was about to do involved a bunch of going in and out. I still wasn’t sure I wanted Gren to see everything, especially the gate but also my gloomy outpost on Amaranth.

There was more work to do outside, but only if I could get the inside part to work. Which meant being Abel again. I stripped and went upstairs. Really, I should just work naked, it would be easier.

I ran some Cat 6 down to the basement and set up a wi-fi router connected to the internet in my house. Then I tested it with my phone.

Welcome to the twenty-first century, Amaranth. I wasn’t sure what would be worse, introducing gunpowder weapons or social media, but a little local wi-fi wouldn’t bring about the apocalypse.

I checked the peephole and saw Xyla and Gren outside near the old guardhouse, so I put clothes back on and went to join them.

“The four fiends are now the timid three!” Gren said, lifting her new bow in salute.

“Oh?”

Gren nodded, and beamed. “Far be it from me to brag about my accurate archery, dangerous from distance.”

Far be it, indeed. I looked to Xyla. “What happened?”

“They came in a large group, to log. Thirty of them, way too many for me to deal with. But we kept quiet in the forest, and eventually, Gren managed to line up a shot.”

“A single shaft,” Gren said. “Doomed the desperate dumbass.”

“They chased after us,” Xyla continued, “but of course we could move quickly in the forest and it was easy to slow them down. Eventually they went back to the village, but not before they had killed many trees, some of which they left on the ground and a few they managed to cart off.”

“They will be afraid to come again,” Gren said.

Xyla shrugged. “Perhaps,” she said.

Gren spotted the sword. “What is that?”

I drew the sword. She touched its blade. “Sharp. Do you know how to use it?”

“Not very well,” I admitted.

“It’s a good weapon,” Gren said, “but skill matters more.”

I shrugged.

“We need a better solution,” Xyla said. “Even if Gren kills one every time they come into the forest, many trees will be felled. And they are cautious now. The evil ones she talks about stayed to the center of the group. We could kill many trolls, but not the trolls we want, and that would only make it harder to come to peace later. And if they decide to fight to win, rather than merely to take the trees for lumber, then I worry about the pyromancer.”

I had never seen her quite so solemn. Fierce, angry, happy — but not so serious. “Was the pyromancer with them this time?”

Gren shook her head. “Timorous tyrant, he cowered cravenly.”

“I’m glad he wasn’t there,” Xyla said.

Gren mimed shooting an arrow.

“The troll you shot, Gren. Did they leave the body?”

“Yes.”

Now you’re thinking.

I didn’t like what I was thinking, but it seemed like a good idea. I stood up. “Shall we?” I asked, looking at Xyla.

“What can you do with a dead body?” Xyla asked. “Not that I’m surprised that you can do something.”

“Zombie,” I said.

“You’re a necromancer!” Gren said.

“Yes.” I met her gaze, trying to see how she’d take it.

Her eyes widened. “Delicious damsel, doer of dark deeds.”

“I don’t think one zombie is going to make a big difference,” Xyla said. “But I suppose — I guess we should.” She made a face. She didn’t like the idea any better than I did.

More zombies are better. But these two are more useful alive, as long as you can control them.

I had the glimmerings of an idea. If we fought in the forest, Xyla was strong, but they knew that. They’d be fools if they didn’t use fire against her.

Don’t you see it? Have the troll with the tits kill trolls as they come into the forest, and raise an army. It so simple!

Simple, but Xyla was right about the downside of indiscriminate killing, even if I didn’t have moral concerns. And right now, our enemies didn’t know I existed. I still wasn’t that good in a fight, especially the kind of guerrilla warfare that Gren and Xyla would be adept at. My range was twenty meters, forty if I teleported forward and then back, and Gren could shoot at least sixty. “The other trolls have bows, I assume?”

“They wasted many arrows trying to shoot me last night,” Gren said proudly.

Yeah. Even a bow like Gren’s old one probably had better range than my spell. No, I had to find a different way to be useful.

While we made our way to last night’s battleground, I quizzed Gren about the trolls. I mapped out a layout of the village and made note of the names of trolls who were less enthused about the change in the village’s power structure.

The central binding activity in troll society was the alcohol aided orgy she’d talked about earlier, which involved some kind of beer or wine. Gren’s village was a beer village. Trolls didn’t seem to have developed distillation, and if anyone else had, the concept was foreign to Gren.

It was also highly structured by gender. Male trolls lived in the village proper, women and children lived on farms outside the village, where it was less smelly. Women farmed, which was hard physical work, and included growing wheat and hops, and tending livestock, mostly cows, goats, and chickens.

The men hunted, mined the nearby hills, logged when it was possible, and built things. Since there wasn’t a lot of logging to do, and that meant less building, they did a lot of hunting. “It keeps them busy,” was Gren’s take. Clearly the majority of the meat came from the livestock, but hunting provided some variety.

They didn’t use coins, although the chief had a stash of them for trading purposes, mostly with the elves. The chief decided who did what, and who got what.

The body of the troll lay on the ground underneath some brambles, with an arrow sticking out of its throat. If this troll was typical, they were indeed pretty ugly. Scrawny, with a big nose and warty blue skin. It seemed odd that the troll had stood in such an overgrown spot, and I glanced at Xyla.

“I thought I would make it difficult to recover,” she said. “In case we needed it for something.” There was no dance in her eyes of pleasure at her cleverness, just a grim set to her mouth. The vines parted, giving me access.

“Good thinking,” I said.

I didn’t want to touch the body. Of course I could avoid that with the wand, but then I’d have to touch the wand. And I’d have to remember to bring it along. Gah. I had a bag of holding, I had no excuse not to have everything with me all the time, but I hadn’t had it on me because if Xyla hadn’t showed up I had planned on one more trip up to my basement.

This is it! Once you feel the power, you’ll never go back!

I pulled the arrow out. There was no surge of blood, for his heart had stopped beating a while ago. Gren, less squeamish than I, reached out her hand, and I gave the arrow to her. Maybe the zombie would have looked more fearsome with the arrow still inside, I didn’t know, but I didn’t want to waste an arrow.

Do it! Do it!

I put my hands on the body. He was so cold, it sent a shiver down my spine. Bodies were meant to be warm. Until they weren’t, I supposed.

Ah, sweet death.

“Animate Lesser Undead,” I said aloud, partly to annoy Enash as much as he was annoying me.

A sort of black glow formed around my hands and spread over the body of the troll. Then it faded. Nothing much happened.

You have spent 25 mana and are now at 56/81.

For first use of Animate Lesser Undead, you earned 1 experience point, and need 870 to become a second level Seductress / Necromancer.

For animating the body of an enemy, you earned 10 experience points, and need 860 to become a second level Seductress/Necromancer.

Okay, that was something, but I was still just a pretty girl touching a very dead ugly troll. I took my hands away.

Command it to slay your enemies! Not that just one zombie troll will do much. They work best in hordes.

Ah. It wasn’t doing anything because I hadn’t told it to do anything. “Stand up,” I said.

The zombie got to its feet, in an awkward, shambling kind of way. Xyla and Gren took a step back.

The zombie wasn’t a lot of good for guerrilla warfare either. But I had to make use of the tools I had. Necromancy, seduction, a bag of holding, and a few modern tools.

“If this thing walks into the troll village, how do you think they’ll react?” I asked Gren.

“Frightened,” Gren said, who looked a little pale herself.

“Do you think it will make them less confident in their new leadership?”

She thought about that, and smiled. “Yes! Evil Abby!”

“Not trying to be evil, just trying to be smart, and use what we have.”

“It wasn’t meant to be negative,” Gren told me.

I like her. She gets it! But yeah, that’s a lovely way to use a single zombie. Fear into the hearts of your enemies! You can only give it very simple directions, though. It can’t talk.

“How do we get there from here?” I asked Gren.

Xyla knew the way as well. With their guidance, we walked to the edge of the forest, and from there I told the zombie where to go.

“When you get there, collapse. If someone gets close, bite them.” I wasn’t after effective, just weird. If it attacked, that might be frightening, but it would also make sense, and the trolls would quickly defeat it, just as Gren and I had killed the four in the cave. But the unknown and strange was always more frightening than motivations that one could understand.

The zombie shambled off, and we went back into the forest.

“I need a few things from my world,” I said. “I’ll be back.”

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