Surviving marriage in yandere world
Chapter 19: Goddess Tip: Sleep With One Eye Open

Chapter 19: Chapter 19: Goddess Tip: Sleep With One Eye Open

There’s a sacred moment between waking and dreaming. That fragile, blissful second where nothing hurts, no one is trying to force-feed you a cursed love omelet, and you can almost pretend you’re back in a boring, peaceful life where the worst thing you had to deal with was traffic. That moment died screaming as soon as Rei fell asleep.

[Warning: Divine Dream Infiltration Detected]

[Incoming Transmission: ERIS.EXE has entered your subconscious]

Before he could even conjure up a peaceful beach or a field of sunflowers, the dreamscape twisted violently. The sky turned pink and The ocean turned into instant ramen and crescent moon started giggling. Then, out of the misty void, she descended wearing her usual crop-top toga combo, chewing chopsticks with the confidence of a bored chaos deity, and floating horizontally on a beanbag made of live cats...

"Goddess Eris, my so-called patroness."

"Yo, mortal meat-puppet," Eris greeted, slurping an offensively spicy noodle with a snap. "Back again in dreamland. Hmm I see you are still alive. I’m almost disappointed."

"...I was hoping for just one night of peace," Rei muttered.

"Peace is for cowards, accountants, and people who don’t collect yanderes like Pokémon cards," she shot back, stretching lazily. "You, my tragic protagonist, need lessons and all lessons should be goddess-tier."

She snapped her fingers, and the landscape behind her shifted into a simulation of Rei mansion... is on fire.

A ghostly version of him is running in circles, chase by mini versions of all five of my fiancées holding various romantic weapons—lace-wrapped axes, heart-shaped chloroform rags, a holy flail with ’Cuddle or Die’ engraved on the handle.

"Lesson #1," Eris said, as the mini-me got tackled by Dream-Lilia, "Never trust a smile before 7AM."

"Why are you even here?" he asked, "I am already feeling my blood pressure spike."

"Because you suck at surviving," she replied cheerfully. "And because this is part of your system’s update package. Also because I was bored, also because watching you struggle brings me serotonin."

She raised her palm, and the sky turned into a giant chalkboard titled:

[YANDERE SURVIVAL 101: GODDESS ERIS’S TOTALLY-NOT-UNHINGED GUIDE]

The first bullet point:

1. Smile. Nod. Lie.

"I’ve noticed," Eris began, drawing a stick figure Rei with a heart through his chest, "that you tend to panic, flail, and/or scream ’OH GOD NO’ whenever one of your psycho darlings gets too close."

"They threatened to sew me into a bridal tuxedo last week." Rei said.

"Which is why you need to fake it better," Eris beamed. "Smile like your organs aren’t clenching. Nod like you’re not planning your escape. Say things like, ’That’s such a thoughtful death trap, darling.’ Trust me, they love that crap."

He raised an eyebrow. "So your advice is to emotionally gaslight the gaslighters."

"Exactly!" she said proudly. "Survival means adaptation. You’re the apex prey species now. Learn from the possum. Play dead emotionally."

She flipped the chalkboard.

2. Keep a teleportation scroll under your pillow.

Eris materialized a glowing parchment labeled "Plan F: Flee Like a Coward."

"Always have a getaway scroll," she explained. "Sleep with it. Snuggle it. Bond with it. Because when Belle invites you to ’a midnight muffin surprise’ with that ’oops I forgot what’s in them’ expression, you’re gonna want an instant warp to the next kingdom."

"I don’t even know teleportation magic."

"Did I ask if you knew it?" she snapped. "You think can escape artists, who know how handcuffs work? They just wiggle until they’re out. It’s same logic."

She summoned a plush version of Rei and shoved it inside a dollhouse shaped like the mansion.

Cue the five doll-sized fiancées swarming it like tactical termites.

"And what if I forget the scroll?" Rei asked, watching the plush get tied to a ceremonial bed.

"Then you die," Eris said brightly.

"...Thanks."

"You’re welcome."

She flipped the chalkboard again.

3. Never let them coordinate.

Images of the Jealous Five appeared, huddled together with clipboards and color-coded schedules.

"If they ever start sharing information," Eris whispered darkly, "you’re screwed. One yandere is manageable. Two is tricky. Five is nuclear fusion. If they unionize, the only thing left of you will be a cute memorial fountain."

"Wasn’t that your fault?"

"You’re welcome again."

He groaned. "There has to be a way out of this..."

"There is." She leaned in, lips curling into a trollish smile. "You just have to fall in love with all of them equally, fulfill all their romantic expectations, give them daily attention, and never once show favoritism, exhaustion, or basic human limitation."

Rei stared. "...So death, basically."

"Yup." She patted his head.

"Now, let’s review your current Affection Score chart." She summoned a floating bar graph.

Every girl’s bar is red and it is pulsating and sparking ominously.

"Congratulations," Eris announced. "You’ve reached Maximum Yandere Saturation. If you reach any higher, and we unlock the bonus stage: Bloody Bridal Showdown!"

"That’s not a feature I want to be unlocked!"

Eris winked. "You’re welcome again."

Then she handed him a sticker that read:

I SURVIVED FIVE YANDERES AND ALL I GOT IS THIS TRAUMA.

He try to give it back and It stuck to his hand. Suddenly, a dark rumble echoed across the dreamscape, lightning crackled. The dream realm flickered violently. A giant shadow rose behind Eris. It has long horns, crown of fire and tail shaped like a heart-shaped scythe.

It’s Lucivella the demon queen In dream form.

"I SMELL MY GROOM," she said, peering directly at him from the void.

"Oopsie," Eris muttered. "Looks like someone else hacked your dream."

"Can’t you do something?!"

"Nope!" Eris chirped. "This is your cue to—"

[TELEPORTATION SCROLL AUTO-ACTIVATED]

[Dream Ejection Successful]

His world exploded into light. Then he jolted upright in bed, gasping like a man yanked from drowning. His heart pounded and blanket is soaked, his pillow is gone. All replaced by—a glowing teleportation scroll tucked under his head.

He stared at it in awe. "Did... did she actually help me?"

A piece of paper fluttered down from the ceiling. Eris’s voice echoed in his mind as he read it:

"To my dumb meat puppet. You’re welcome, now smile, nod, and remember—sleep with one eye open. Love, from your favorite goddess troll Eris. P.S. There’s a muffin in your drawer but Don’t eat it."

He slowly opened the drawer. There is, indeed, a muffin, It is twitching.

[YANDERE SURVIVAL TIP: NEVER TRUST UNSOLICITED BAKED GOODS]

To be continued...

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