Sharing a Pavilion With You
Chapter 167: So Much Pain

Chapter 167: So Much Pain

[Suggested song for this Chapter – A Gentle Sunlight, James Quinn]

Fifth wrapped his arms around Meili as she sobbed and sobbed.

She felt as though her heart had a fissure in the middle and had cracked into two pieces.

"He was in pain, gege," she cried. "I couldn’t fix it for him."

"It was very quick, meimei. He didn’t suffer for long. It was a good death. He died defending the person he loved most in the world. He had a wonderful life. A life filled with purpose, love and treats."

"I miss him already, ge," she still hugged Tricky tightly. "I need him," she wailed.

"I know, meimei, I know. It hurts; it really does."

The brothers had spoken about what a terrible blow it would be to their baby sister to lose Tricky-Wu. It was their fervent wish that the dog could live to a ripe old age.

Fifth didn’t feel equipped to be the brother to support her through this loss, being the youngest and all, but he knew he needed to step up.

"Tricky’s every thought was about you and your happiness and needs, meimei. He’d be very upset to see you so sad. This is a time to remember the amazing life that he lead and honour him in death. Why don’t you collect some rocks while I dig a grave for him. Let’s make it worthy of him."

She sniffed, wiping her eyes with her sleeve and nodding.

"Okay, ge. Let me choose a spot. Can you hold him for me while I look?"

Fifth gently took the dog from his sister’s arms, pulling out a blanket to lay him on.

Meili emerged from the forest and took Fifth by the arm. "Over here, ge," she pointed at a spot on the peak of a small hill in the bamboo forest. "So he can enjoy the sunlight in summer and catch the breeze like he always tried to."

Her mind kept flashing to images of his face with blood at his muzzle and the light leaving his eyes.

She tried to focus on happier images of her boy, lying in the steam of the warm spring in her courtyard, sprawled asleep across Bai Li’s lap outside her tent, riding proudly in his custom-made saddle, chasing a rabbit on the royal hunt, leaving her with Bai Li to find Third Brother when she’d been stung by a murder hornet, performing tricks for the Emperor, fighting the assassins on the Mountain, taking her father’s handkerchief home during the rebellion... the beautiful and proud moments were endless. She refused to have them tarnished by the few short moments of his sudden death...

"I’ll carry his body up here and dig him a grand grave, meimei," Fifth broke into her reverie. "You gather the things you want to put in it and on it."

Meili nodded sadly, marching off to find the right sized rocks for the cairn, and lugging each one up the hill to place them in a growing pile. She added a handful in a smaller cairn by the edge of the road, marking the spot so that she could find it again.

She helped Fifth lay her boy in the grave, wrapped in the blanket, his fur washed and brushed, and wearing his smartest collar. Then she placed his saddle and her embroidered pink rabbit pouch into the grave with him.

Fifth took over the role of finding and carrying the rocks, while Meili carefully placed them on Tricky’s grave, growing the flat stones into an elegant egg-shaped mound that was a worthy memorial to his life.

"It’s perfect, meimei," Fifth said, genuinely awestruck by her artistic abilities.

She dusted off her hands.

"Can you please carve his spirit tablet now, Fifth Brother?" she asked formally.

"Of course, meimei."

While Fifth was carving the plaque with Tricky-Wu’s name, Meili prepared some treats for him as grave offerings.

"Here it is," Fifth hammered into the ground in front of the cairn, a rough-hewn tablet with the characters of Tricky’s name carved into it.

She poured some alcohol along the front of the grave and placed the treats in front of Tricky’s tablet, dropping to her knees.

"Tricky, I hope you are in a wonderful place now, boy. A place where you will always have rabbits to chase, treats galore, good doggy friends to speak Chownese with, a warm spring to steam you up on cold nights, a friendly horse who lets you ride in your saddle, and perfect fur that never needs brushing.

You were the best dog a girl could ever hope for and more. You were a best friend to me too, Tricky. You protected me when I was in danger, played with me when I was bored and comforted me when I was sad. Wait for me, boy. We’ll be together again for sure, just as we were in this life, we’ll be together in all of our lives. I’ll be looking out for you, boy. Come back to me. Don’t forget about me."

Meili kowtowed to her puppy, then Fifth helped her to her feet and they walked back to the road together.

She didn’t look back.

Fifth couldn’t convince Meili to stop riding for the rest of that day until it was well past dusk and almost impossible to see the road ahead of them without a lantern.

She rode hard, without food or water, feeling the need for nothing but the physical discomfort that somehow helped ease the hollow, heavy, painful feeling that made her bones and her heart ache incessantly; every inch of her missing her cream fluffy shadow who was always by her side.

When they finally reached an inn, Fifth had to bang on the doors to rouse a servant to let them in for the night.

"Will you be alright in your own room, meimei?" he asked her with concern, searching her face as though it might tell him more than she would admit.

"I’m fine, ge. I just need a good night’s sleep is all."

"I know it doesn’t feel like it now, but time will help with the pain. Remember the good times you had with Tricky, and each day will be a little better than the one before."

"The trouble is, I don’t want it to be, ge. I feel like each day he will be a bit further away from me, and my memories of him that little bit less clear."

Fifth drew her to his chest, stroking her hair.

"One thing I’m sure of meimei, is that you and that dog are fated to be together in all of your lives. Don’t be too sad. You’ll be seeing him again for sure."

Meili fell onto her bed, thankful for the bone deep weariness that allowed her to sink into blissful oblivion.