Sharing a Pavilion With You
Chapter 110: A Confession

Chapter 110: A Confession

[Suggested song: Tchaikovsky, The Nutcracker, Op.71, Act 2: No.14a, Pas de deux]

"Why must I give up everything I love for this Country?’ he asked her. "Is it too much to ask for one thing for myself?"

"I don’t know what you mean, Z...Zhu Yicai."

He closed his eyes in pleasure every time his name fell from those beautiful lips. If she knew how wild it was making him, he was certain she would go back to calling him ’your highness’.

"But I’m certain you will have many things you love as the Second Prince of the Empire. There’s almost nothing in this Empire that can’t be yours, should you desire it."

"I’m not talking about material objects!" he growled. "I’m talking about people, of course. More specifically, a woman."

"I’m certain you will find a very good woman who you will truly love, and who you can take as your concubine. With your status, there are many good women who would accept that position."

And here was his opening... he thought.

"What about you, Mei Meili?" he asked her softly, his expression more vulnerable than she had ever seen him. "Will you accept that position?" he blinked at her, clearly deadly serious.

"I...I...I," she stuttered nervously, "no, Zhu Yicai, I don’t want to!"

His name again... Each time it rolled off her lips increased his need to have her tenfold.

"What of the sacrifices you just mentioned. For the people, for our Country, are they limited just to me?" his voice was raised in frustration.

"How is becoming your concubine for the benefit of the People and our Country? They’re two completely unrelated matters. And I think you’re confusing the desire to have a good friend by your side in life, with the need you have to have a good woman who loves you and who you love in return, in the romantic manner of men and women, not in the manner of friends."

"I can assure you I am not confusing the two things. If it’s not patently clear to you Mei Meili, I love you, in a romantic manner. I love you as much as any man can love a woman. I love you so much that it pains me, night after night. Sometimes it’s a dull ache of yearning, other times it’s a burning fire of desire, sometimes it’s pure joy, but unmistakably, it’s love."

She remained trapped between his arms, barely moving, barely breathing, as the weight of his confession came crashing down on her.

"You ask how you becoming my concubine benefits the people and our Country, because a good man needs a good woman by his side in order to be successful," his eyes softened now. "It has always been so; my Father knows it more than anyone. How can I give my all in this fight without the love of a good woman? Without your love?" his voice was anguished now, and he was breathing heavily, still staring into her eyes.

"N...no Zhu Yicai. You can’t ask this of me," she pleaded with him. "How can asking me to do that be love? You would force me to live under the tyranny of Li Fengfeng? My children would be slighted and in constant danger. No... No! Aren’t you too selfish to ask this of me? How can you ask me to do that Zhu Yicai?" she cried, tears springing to her eyes.

"I’m sorry! I’m sorry!" he half-yelled, half-sobbed. "And yet I must ask it of you, I must! I can’t fathom my life ahead without you, Mei Meili. I must have you by my side. I’ve thought about it endlessly and it’s the only way. I know I can make it work!" he implored her.

"You won’t have to live in the same mansion as Li Fengfeng. I’ll build you a separate house far away from the main mansion. You can live there with the freedom you so desire. I won’t ask anything of you except that you’re mine. You can ride, shoot, sing, play music, whatever your heart desires."

She looked up at him through her tears. "Zhu Yicai! Listen to yourself. How can you set up a concubine away from the main house in direct conflict with your wife? How can she live with this arrangement which disrespects her and places your concubine above her?" she tried to make him see reason.

"And you would make me a kept woman, a mistress living in shame away from the main household. For how long should I be your plaything? Would you love me for a lifetime? What happens to me when I no longer please you?"

"That would never happen, Mei Meili! Do you truly think me that inconstant?"

She drew in a shuddering breath.

"Zhu Yicai, you’re about to marry a woman who has tried to kill me twice, just based on your loose affection for me. Imagine how she will treat a woman who truly holds your love? You really think you could keep me safe from her? You already couldn’t keep me safe from her right here in this palace!" she said, unkind in her words in her emotional turmoil.

"No, Zhu Yicai. I’m sorry that you care for me, I truly am, but what you’re asking of me is an impossibility now. I could never be happy. Do you truly want that for me?"

"I’ve had much longer to think about this than you have, Mei Meili. Trust me when I say I would make it work. I’ve planned it all out. Guards, secrecy... I already own a very beautiful plot of land on a stream at the base of Purple Mountain."

"Stop! Stop Zhu Yicai," she covered her ears from his words. "Please, no more," she pleaded. "Listen to yourself. Those words alone, guards, secrecy... what kind of life would that be for me? For our children?"

His heart stopped like he’d been shot when she said those words. He took a sharp breath and closed his eyes briefly. Just the words ’our children’ from her sweet lips was like cupid’s arrow to his heart.

How he longed to daydream about a family with her; a bridge too far that he had never allowed himself to dare to imagine.

She pressed herself back against the wooden rail in panic, pushing futilely at his chest as he bent in to claim her.

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