Secretly Mine
Chapter 39: A Difficult Question

Chapter 39: A Difficult Question

Christian held his arm out to help me off the ground. I happily accepted, only to be pulled into his one-armed embrace as soon as I stood up.

He looked directly into my eyes as he took a drag of his cigarette. His deep blue eyes pierced through me, as if looking directly into my soul.

I couldn’t read his expression, but I was happy. Simply being by his side brought me an inexplicable sense of happiness.

Outside of feeling alive, he gave me a sense of safety and comfort. I knew that no matter what kind of problem presented before us, he would take care of it.

I took a deep breath, inhaling Christian’s unique musky scent mixed with the cigarette smoke. I’ve always hated the smell of cigarettes, but for some reason, I loved it when it was on him.

He pushed a strand of my hair behind my ear before leaning over to press his lips against mine, instantly sending butterflies to my stomach.

After he pulled away, he reached out to hold my hand.

"How are you feeling? Do you want to go to sleep or stay out a little longer?" he asked, trying to gauge my level of energy.

I quickly shook my head, "I want to stay longer. I’m not tired."

I wish to stay out here with you forever.

"Okay, let’s walk over to the pond down there," he motioned with his eyes.

We walked silently, hand in hand, until we reached the small lotus pond. Christian walked over to the nearby stone bench at the water’s edge and pulled me down to sit on his lap.

"Is there anything you’d like to talk about?" he asked, hugging me from behind.

There were so many questions I wanted to ask him, starting off with: What am I to you? But I decided to start with something more casual.

"Do you have a family? I haven’t heard you mention anyone," I asked, turning my head to look at him.

Instead of answering, Christian stared at the pond and smoked the rest of his cigarette.

Did I ask something too personal?

While his face remained neutral, I could pick up on the fluctuating emotions that cycled inside of him.

He finally finished his cigarette and leaned over to put it out on the ground.

"I grew up with my mother. The story she used to tell me was that my father died of illness shortly after I was born, so I don’t remember him at all."

I frowned, placing my arm around him, "You make it sound like that wasn’t the truth."

Christian looked at me, staring deeply into my eyes. It felt like he was searching for something, making me feel mildly uncomfortable.

"I used to believe it...until the day I lost my mother."

His voice was very soft. I could see the pain in his eyes mixed with something else.

Anger?

"I’m so sorry, Christian. May I ask what happened?" I asked softly.

He quietly looked at me with an unreadable expression before turning away to look back at the pond.

Sadness welled up inside me. I felt a sense of loss, unsure of what to say or do to make him feel better.

In that moment, he felt so distant despite our close proximity.

"She was killed," he said as he continued to stare out into the pond.

My eyes widened in shock! I did not expect that would be the cause. At worst, I thought she also died from illness, but murder? I didn’t think such things happened in this day and age.

He continued to avoid eye contact, pulling out another cigarette.

I leaned in, placing my head on his shoulder, "I’m so sorry, Christian." I couldn’t even begin to imagine what it was like to lose a parent, especially to murder.

He stiffened slightly from my actions, then lifted his free arm to rub my shoulder and back.

"It’s not your fault."

His words were so quiet that I wasn’t sure if I heard them correctly, but relief washed over me as he finally leaned his head against mine.

We sat in silence until he finished his second cigarette.

"Forgive me. It’s...a difficult subject for me," he said softly.

His fingers ran through my hair, and he finally turned to look at me. I could tell that he was doing his best to keep his emotions in check.

"No, I’m sorry for bringing it up," I replied in a soft whisper.

I was glad that he told me, despite how difficult it was for him to talk about it. Even without looking at him, I could feel how difficult it was for him to keep it together.

Christian suddenly leaned over and kissed me. However, unlike the previous kisses, this one was filled with difficult emotions.

I could sense his desperate attempts to cover up the feelings of vulnerability as he sought comfort in my embrace.

I won’t ever hurt you.

He laid me down on the bench and leaned over me to continue kissing. I placed my arms around his neck, accepting his advances.

"Leslie, I’m sorry. I need you," he breathed, looking into my eyes with a complicated expression.

I met his gaze, understanding his meaning. The next moment, I pulled him down so that his nose was touching mine.

"I’m all yours," I breathed out and pressed my lips against his.

After receiving my consent, Christian let himself succumb to his emotions. All of his actions felt desperate as he forcefully pressed himself against me.

It didn’t take long before all of the clothes were removed from my body. I felt the coldness of the smooth stone bench beneath me, which contrasted highly with the heat that radiated off him.

He clung to my body, refusing to let go. With each thrust, I could feel his deep emotional turmoil that was desperate for release.

His movements were messy and selfish, but it’s the closest I’ve ever felt to him. I continued to wrap myself around him in attempts to drown him with my touch.

We continued to intertwine ourselves under the cover of the night. I let Christian have his way with me for as long as he needed.

I wasn’t sure how much time had gone by, but I could feel the exhaustion finally begin to take over.

My arms, which were wrapped around Christian’s neck, loosened. I wanted to tell Christian that I was at my limit, but the next moment, I felt myself wrapped in a warm embrace and lifted off the bench.

"Rest. I’ll bring you back," Christian said softly.

My eyelids felt heavy, making it hard to keep my eyes open. When I finally opened my eyes again, I found myself lying comfortably in my bed.

Christian?

My first thought was to find Christian. Even in my drowsy state, I sat up and looked around the dark room.

"Is everything okay? Do you need anything?" Christian’s drowsy voice called out beside me. He sat up and placed his arm around me, looking at me with concern.

I smiled, happy that he was still here and didn’t just drop me off before retiring to his room.

"I was looking for you. I’m okay", I replied, nestling into his arms.

He placed a simple kiss on my cheek and pulled me down to lie with him.

"I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere, rest easy, princess."

He gently ran his fingers through my hair and watched me as I fell asleep once more.

Just as I was teetering between consciousness, I heard Christian whispering.

"Thank you, Leslie. You are my light."

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