Reborn From the Cosmos
Arc 8-45

Sometimes, it’s hard to wrap my head around the enormity of my life.

Before my rebirth, there was very little for me to consider. My life was bleak but well-defined; meagre talent, a declining family, and the oppressive ceiling that was the Grimoire’s grudge limited my future. I’ll never wish to go back to those times, but they were simpler. 

My biggest concern was which corner of the kingdom to disappear into after I finished my time at the Hall. I figured I would form a contract with one or two elementals to make my life easier and let the days drift by. If I was really lucky, I’d find love but I didn't put much hope into that prospect. My charms aside, I didn’t relish the thought of dragging someone into my family’s feud with the worst bastards in the kingdom.

I want to say that those small concerns are so far away that I can’t remember them clearly. In truth, it’s the opposite. I’ll never forget what it feels like to wake up knowing how little you matter. How miserable and utterly freeing it is to be certain that your actions mean nothing in the grand scheme of things. 

Back then, no matter what I got up to, I couldn't imagine anyone giving me a second glance. Saints, even if I lost my mind and did something crazy like inviting a drakkon into this world, the kingdom’s elites would slay it, slay me, and that would be that. I could do my worst or my best and the world would be the same, regardless.

That’s not the case anymore. Saints guide me, that’s far from the case. I’m not just someone important. I hold the power to shape the kingdom’s future and beyond. Every decision is important. Between me and my clan, we could end up changing the world accidentally, just living our lives.

That’s without mentioning the dragons.

Yeah, it’s easy to get lost between my elven in-laws casually saving the city I destroyed and hunting for an ancient treasure. Certain things have to be pushed out of my mind just for me to function. I’ve given no thought to the next northern war or how my family fares in the capital after Uncle Jackal’s ambitious actions. I shoved the problem of Khan onto Geneva, putting off the problem of the estrazi, my murderous sibling, and the actual seer manipulating events around them, saints protect me.

Then there’s the problems mentioned in passing, like the Twilight matriarchs Kierra keeps warning me about. While I certainly don’t plan on attracting their attention, she tells me that they have agents throughout the world, constantly hunting for new specimens to add to their bloodlines. After the mess in Quest, I’m sure my name will spread to every corner of the continent. Hopefully, they long concluded that there was no hope in humanity but if they haven’t, if word gets back to the clans about me…well. There’ll be interest. And should they discover what I’m truly capable of, Kierra assures me it will be war, one that won’t end until they have me or we’ve decimated them.

Not to mention the world-shattering news that Morgene casually dropped; Harvest may not be the last bastion of humanity. We may not be the brave settlers that fought our way out of the claws of extinction, but the rats scurrying out of a flooded cellar. The cowards who fled the Great War rather than standing to defend our homes. I don’t want to know what effect that would have if it got out. It’d undermine everyone’s belief in…everything.

It’s a lot. Overwhelming. Sometimes, I think I should be more open with the crown. These aren’t problems that affect just me. The Authority proves that the powers behind the kingdom have more power than I ever thought, power they don’t want to display for some reason. Not to mention scholars that could help me chart a course. My current options when it comes to strategy are the succubi and the Atainna. Both are effective, but I’m not sold on handling my problems with brutal efficiency or overwhelming violence.

If only I had any faith in their ability to set aside their own ambitions for the good of the world. The past suggests differently; the Grimoires were a disease that brought down all of society but no one was willing to risk themselves to bring them down. The revelations of the kingdom’s origins makes it even harder to trust the crown as it appears it has a tradition of forsaking others to preserve itself. Sigh.

That just leaves me to ponder these issues, turning them over and over as I stroll through destruction. Though admittedly, the city is looking better these days. While the hunters can’t compare to the masters in the Hall, they know plenty of practical magic and there’s hundreds of them. I’ve heard that they’ve started clearing debris and it shows. With each day, it looks less like someone destroyed the city and more like someone flattened it in preparation of something new. It’s slow going but the city is picking itself up. Recovering.

Now to make sure it recovers in the right direction.

The city is the smallest problem on my plate. Saints, it doesn’t qualify as a real problem. More a…side project to ease my mind. Truthfully, I don’t think I have to do anything. They’re on the right path. They don’t need me to interfere, not like I thought.

But that doesn’t matter. I want to help because it’ll make me feel better. Also, I anticipate that resolving things with the hunters is going to cause more trouble, possibly stopping all this forward progress. Propping them up now might be the difference between Quest once more becoming the prosperous city it was and it never recovering.

I’m still thinking about it by the time I return to the estate, though they’re interrupted by the surprising sight of Alana and Yulia together. By themselves. Are they…spending time together? Willingly?

I almost don’t want to approach and ruin the moment, but curiosity compels me. The sisters’ notice me quickly, their conversation halting as they wait for me. I divert to Alana. “Morning, sweetie,” I call out with exaggerated cheer as I peck her cheek. Or I try to. She sidesteps me, face flushed.

“Lou,” she grumbles, shooting a glance at her broadly smiling sister.

“You’re still embarrassed about stuff like this? You realize she’s probably heard worse.” No one in the clan is quiet at night, not even Talia.

“There’s a time and a place,” my stubborn knight grumbles.

“Alright, Alana. So, what’s going on here?” I look between Alana’s sheathed sword and the snow bunny’s practical clothes. “Don’t tell me you’re training together.”

“I got enough of that in the north,” Yulia says with humor. “I wanted to talk with my sister and unfortunately, this is the only time I know she won’t try to escape.”

“I could have escaped, as you put it, anytime I wanted. I chose to hear you out.”

“Because it would have been a pain to find somewhere else to swing your sword, but thank you.” She turns back to me, her smile disappearing. “Alana tells me it’s time for me to leave.”

“For your safety,” my knight growls as Rolly appears, dropping a towel into her hands. “And everyone else’s.”

“Really, Ally? What do you think I’m going to do, start a revolt?” Yulia tosses her head with the cutest scoff I’ve ever heard. Hard to hear any offense in it. “Please. I understand what a soft touch is.”

“Cheh. I bet your hands have gone soft. How many years has it been since you’ve held a weapon?”

“I thought this whole thing was because you don’t want me or anyone else picking up a blade?” The snow bunny rolls her eyes. “I didn’t do that in Victory and I won’t do it here. The goal is to show the people how to improve their daily lives in simple ways. Improve its quality a little at a time. People make better decisions when they're happy, when they have something to look forward to. I want to give them that. Not by declaring war on the powers that be, but working with the people.”

“What does a noblewoman from the north know about the people of Quest?” I ask. “I don’t mean to be harsh but surely you have to understand my reservations.”

“Lou, I’ve spent weeks with these people. There’s a city worth of professionals in that camp. People whose skills aren’t being utilized because it's not big, flashy magic. People who feel helpless when they could be working. All I want to do is connect them and demonstrate to the people in charge that they’re wasting valuable resources.”

When she says it like that, it sounds perfectly harmless. Useful, even. I catch Alana’s gaze, silently asking where the problem is.

My knight scowls. “Who are these valuable resources? Candlemakers? Tailors? Street sweepers? Of course the people trying to save lives and rebuild a city aren’t bothering with them. As for the camp, sure, the people have the right to try and better their situation however they can. I know that getting a few hundred people to shout at the people trying to help about how they’re not doing enough isn’t going to make you any friends. I’m also concerned that your beautification project is going to spark the wrong kind of change.”

“I’m hardly going to be slinging slurs. Besides, I’ve tried subtlety. They’ve all tried subtlety. The problem is that the Hall can’t be bothered to listen. Yes, it’s great that they’ve come to help, but that doesn’t give them the right to treat these people like cattle, herded without their say. They aren’t beasts. And how exactly is returning some dignity to these people going to cause problems?”

“How? Dignity takes resources. Resources the camp doesn’t have. They haven’t entertained this nonsense not because they’re cruel shepherds or whatever nonsense is running through your brain, but because it's a waste of time. They want to help? Good! Tell everybody with a working pair of arms and legs to help clear debris. Let them help build shelters or forage food. Everything else can wait.”

“They might be more inclined to do back-breaking labor if they knew there was a bath waiting for them at the end of the day or that they could sleep on a half-decent bed. This isn’t the north, where people can survive on fanaticism alone. They need support. Understanding.”

“By the ancestors! It’s their lives! No one needs to support them to do what needs to be done! And you sticking your nose in a situation that has nothing to do with you is only going to cause trouble!”

“Enough!” I shout over Alana’s retort. Yulia jumps but my knight merely turns her glare on me. I hold up my palms. “Easy, sweetie. You weren’t getting anywhere with that back-and-forth.”

“It doesn’t matter anyway,” Alana growls. “She’s going back to Victory. Today.”

“You will not dismiss me just because you don’t like what I’m saying!”

“Watch me!”

What to do. I promised Alana that she would have the final word on what happened to her sister. But on the other hand, Yulia makes good points. There’s a chance that she could spark meaningful change.

The betterment of the refugees or indulging Alana?

“It’s not her dismissing you, it’s me.” No contest. “You were here to help with the March. While I won’t blame you for what happened, it’s clear your role is up. I indulged your charity but I’m not going to support you meddling against your sister’s wishes.”

“Against her wishes, huh?” Yulia shakes her head. “While I admire your dedication to my sister, I am not a child. Neither one of you has the right to dictate where I go or when I go there,” she snaps, full of offense.

Alana is unfazed. “We do when you’re relying on our protection. Have you already forgotten how you were kidnapped?”

“Have you forgotten that I was already free before your daring rescue? I can take care of myself.”

“Oh, really? And how exactly did you convince your captors to free you? With smiles and hugs? Or by pointing out that the creature leveling the city would come for them next?”

Yulia frowns but with her face, it lacks any force. However, she doesn’t respond.

Alana scoffs. “And this is not just about you. What about Allen?”

There’s nothing cute about Yulia’s reaction when her son is mentioned. The woman practically bristles. “I would never endanger him!”

“No, you’d just get yourself killed and leave him without a mother.” The words hit her like a physical blow. “What happened to protecting him from the war? From protecting all the children from the war?”

My knight’s fierce words cause the snow bunny to curl in on herself. “I…That’s still my life’s work, but these people need help now. Just a little.” She takes a deep breath, visibly gathering herself before she raises her gaze. “Don’t you have anything you believe in?”

Alana scowls. “Don’t make this about me.”

“Do you, Ally?” she persists.

“...of course I do. You know that.”

Yulia nods. “This is what I believe in. Something I “train” for everyday. A battle I march into prepared for fatal consequences.”

“Are you really trying to compare this to—”

“It is!” Yulia snaps, taking both of us back with the ferocity in her voice. “It’s war, Alana! It’s a war against stupid traditions and lazy, strict thinking. It’s war against people who think all people need is a mission. And just like a war, if we lose, people will die, and they will die meaningless, colorless deaths!”

She’s panting as she finishes shouting, hands balled at her sides and shoulders tensed, as if she’s truly fighting for her life. Alana is red-faced with grit teeth. The two look ready to come to blows.

But I intervene.

“One more visit.”

The sisters turn to me, one with confused hope, the other with betrayed surprise. It pains me to speak “against” Alana but…but Yulia cares. Whatever else is motivating her, whoever she truly is, her concern for the common and commonly disregarded is real. I respect that. For that, for the past Lou that never believed in heroes, I want to give her a chance.

“You made a point that you’ve been doing work amongst these people for weeks. I hope you meant that because you’ve got a day, no, an afternoon to tie all those efforts together. Allen and the northern knights stay here, preparing for your departure while we escort you to the camp. You don’t talk to anyone in charge, only the refugees. And when we get back, you leave.”

The snow bunny’s bright blue eyes flick over my face, searching for something I’m not sure of. Whatever she sees makes her smile. “Then I better let the Stars know.” And without wasting another moment, she darts for the estate.

I grimace as I endure the annoyance practically radiating off Alana’s tense form. “I know you’re mad—”

“I’m not,” she huffs.

“Really?”

“...I’m frustrated. This is what she does, Lou. She finds the weak spot in people’s defenses and she burrows in.”

“This isn’t about her. This is about what I believe.”

She sighs. “I know it is. That’s why she’s so damn good at it. It’d be so easy to stop her if she was a charlatan. Instead, she’s genuine. She’s wholeheartedly good-intentioned and decent. A rose blooming in the cold, hard ground of the north.”

Her wan smile pinches my heart. “Honestly? The annoying woman got me too. I’m not some villain that isn’t affected by tragedy. And she counts on that. Yulia uses your decency against you. Maybe for a noble purpose, but it's manipulation. That’s bad but what I can’t stand is that she thinks she’s doing something righteous and worthy of praise. It’s disgusting.”

“...I could take it back. Tie her up and throw her in the back of a carriage.”

Her smile gains a little bit of humor. “But you won’t. You may be petty and a pervert, but you’re a decent person, Lou. A good person. There’s a price to pay for that.”