Race With a Heart
Chapter 211: Dave and Sid

Chapter 211: Dave and Sid

Sid’s heart stopped beating and then suddenly it raged so much that the boy felt a physical pain. His first kiss in his life was sweet and full of sparks that made a warehouse of fireworks explode in his head.

Their lips parted after a moment lasting infinity and yet so horribly short. Sid opened his eyes. He saw Dave’s face recede from him. His friend’s hand released Sid’s chin.

"Dave, I ..."

Sid didn’t know what to say or how to react. He was so surprised, so bewildered, so happy and so terrified at the same time. Dave kissed him, he really kissed him, but what did Dave feel when he did it?

Dave turned his head and looked sideways at the ground, though there was nothing of interest there. Even an insect at this time of day, and with this coldness, preferred to stay in a warm place. But Dave saw something more interesting there than Sid’s eyes.

But Dave didn’t run away. Sid, full of fear, saw no disgust, no panic, no pain in his face, but he saw sadness.

"Dave ..."

"I was right, right?" suddenly Dave asked in a calm, even gentle voice. "You like me a little more than just a friend."

Sid started in surprise. After all, he never confessed it to Dave! Only Martin knew about his love and Martin certainly did not betray him, so ...

"How do you know?" Sid asked, surprised.

"I figured it out," Dave explained.

Sid was staring at his face, trying to read Dave’s emotions, and suddenly he thought he saw tears in his friend’s eyes.

"Dave, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry! I really didn’t want to hurt you, I just ... I didn’t want to tell you, I didn’t want you to feel bad ..."

Sid spoke quickly, with a fervent passion that almost begged forgiveness. Sid felt as if he had committed a terrible sin just because he fell in love with a friend who hated and feared gays.

"It was pleasant," Dave announced suddenly, and Sid held his breath.

What was pleasant?

Sid wanted to shout the question, but didn’t dare even whisper it. He couldn’t even mentally repeat it. Feeling as if he were dying of this uncertainty and this crazy emotion, he swallowed hard.

"Dave ..."

That was all his fear-stiff lips could utter, a mouth that had only been sinking into the first kiss of his life just moments ago. Sid had been given the most beautiful gift of his life, but now his heart was full of fear that the price of the gift was too high for Dave.

But Dave said something about pleasure. What did he mean?

"When I started to suspect you liked me," Dave began to explain, still not looking in Sid’s direction, "I had a real confusion in my mind. I felt disgust, fear, but also ... excitement. For days I was convinced that you liked me, other times I was convinced that it was just my imagination, because nobody can like me, nobody ..."

At this point, Dave’s voice broke. The boy wasn’t crying, but for a moment he couldn’t say anything. Sid decided to use the time, and though his heart trembled with terror, he announced:

"But I like you. I love you..."

His heart ached so much! His eyes tried to pick out every change in Dave’s face, every twitch of muscle and every change of color. The boy who was harassed by a gay pedophile in his childhood has just kissed his friend who is in love with him and is now talking to him about his feelings! Sid couldn’t even imagine what was going on in Dave’s heart and head, he just begged all the saints, all the angels, and whomever he could plead with that today’s act of courage wouldn’t be another horrible experience for Dave.

Dave took a deep breath and finally looked at Sid. His eyes gleamed in the lantern glare as if they were moist, but there was not a single tear on his cheek.

"Thank you," Dave said softly. "Your confession is not unkind. Your confession ... I ... "

Dave wanted to say something else, but he just opened and closed his mouth. He looked Sid straight in the eye, and the younger boy could read the uncertainty and confusion in his eyes.

Dave did not look at him in disgust. He looked neither with shame nor regret. His eyes were like those of a desperate beggar looking at the bakery window. Those eyes craved love, refused to shake it, but couldn’t accept it - not because it came from a man, from Sid, but because years ago someone had brutally taken away Dave’s belief that someone could love him.

"I don’t know much about love," Sid confessed shyly. "I’ve never been in love until now, so I don’t know what to say or do to convince you that my feelings are sincere. All I know is, even though I can’t have you more, I don’t want to lose you as a friend, so I didn’t want to tell you anything, but since you’ve guessed it yourself, I won’t be hiding anything anymore. You’ve always been someone special to me, but lately ... "

Sid blushed and was speechless with embarrassment. He almost went too far in his confession! Dave may be allowing the thought of a platonic feeling, but if he finds out Sid had wet dreams and indecent thoughts about him...

"Have you thought about more than kisses?" Dave asked softly.

Sid forgot he needed to breathe. Dave just, so openly, asks about such things?

The older boy smiled sadly. Sid still didn’t see any signs of disgust at Sid in his face.

"I’ve been thinking a lot," Dave confessed, "about you and me. I’ve known you for so long and we are friends so much that when I think about you, it’s like I think about myself. I know there are no bad intentions in you. I know you never wanted to hurt me, that’s why you remained silent and I am very grateful to you for that."

"Dave ..."

"I suspected you might think of me this way, and I got used to the thought, but I’m not ready."

It was so predictable and yet Sid felt as if the ceiling was breaking on his head. He couldn’t hope, he didn’t expect anything, yet he felt so disappointed!

"Sid ... I don’t disgust you. I still like you very much and want to be your friend. Our kiss was my first and it was pleasant, very pleasant, but I can’t bring myself to anything else now and I don’t know if I will ever be able to do it. Regardless of whether it is a man or a woman ... "

"It’s not important!" Sid stated firmly. "How could I, knowing about your experiences, expect anything from you? How could I expect anything? All I can do is ask you not to reject me, knowing that I have these feelings for you. I will really try to fight them in myself ... "

"No," Dave interrupted firmly, though softly. "I don’t think I want to live like this anymore. I don’t want to be afraid of physical closeness. I don’t want to loathe sex. I’ve kissed you and part of me accepts you, but the other part won’t accept it. I don’t want to live in a world where any erotic subtext will be a threat to me. I want someone to tame me to love. I accept... you. "

Sid didn’t quite understand what Dave meant. What does it mean ’tamed to love’? Slowly, however, a revelation emerged in his mind.

Dave did not understand love and physical intimacy, and he did not know why it was so pleasant to others when it caused fear in him. However, he wanted to understand and experience it. In the face of love and sex, Dave was like a wild beast in the face of a human. But Dave wanted to be tamed.

Sid swallowed hard. Today he was entering adulthood. Today he put alcohol in his mouth for the first time and kissed someone for the first time. He was so young and so inexperienced in the adult matters of life, but suddenly a huge, terrifying responsibility fell upon him. The challenge is difficult, and he knows so little and even less can. The vision of failure was more than real. Despite everything, along with the fear of failure, there was also joy and hope.

Dave did not close the door of his heart to him and did not close the door of his body. Dave was ready to accept it, although he wouldn’t do it quickly or easily. Sid will have to take small steps to overcome all his resistances, prejudices and fears until Dave is ready to go one step further. Dave really wanted to open up, he wanted to change, and he chose Sid to help him.

And so Dave gave Sid the third wonderful gift of the day. The third birthday present was hope.

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