Race With a Heart
Chapter 192: Have Faith

Chapter 192: Have Faith

"At least that’s not fatal," Walton consoled himself, because Steve didn’t look consoled, and Karl understood that perfectly well. Karl was surprised, depressed, shocked, but Steve must have been devastated.

"Sorry," Paxton said, still hiding his face.

"For what?" Walton’s heart tightened with concern. There was something in Steve’s tone of voice... "It’s not your fault," he assured him quickly, emphatically.

Steve began to tremble slightly and suddenly Karl’s heart leapt into his throat. In the years that Heather lay in a coma, constantly on the verge of life and death, Paxton had only one thing in life that he loved, one thing that kept him afloat to keep him from falling into the abyss of despair. Now the doctors were taking the thing away from him, perhaps forever, and Steve experienced helplessness and a sense of loss of almost the same power as the loss of a loved one.

It was unfair. It was so fucking unfair to Steve!

Karl immediately reached Paxton and embraced him like a friend, a father, or a mother.

"We’re not giving up, Steve, do you understand?" he hugged him tightly, very tightly, so that with every cell of his body Steve could sense that he was not alone now, that he would not be fighting this fight alone. "It doesn’t matter if there is only a five percent chance or even five per mille. As long as there’s a chance you’ll be back on track, I’ll do anything to make it happen. I swear!"

***

Steve was calmer now, but he looked very bad. Karl felt a physical pain when he looked at him.

"I understand you cannot drive as a professional driver now," Walton repeated the information Paxton had given him. Is it your reaction time?"

"Not only time," Steve replied calmly. "Have you ever been so tired you didn’t know if you were already asleep or not yet? You weren’t sure if something was near or far? I have it every day."

"But ... how is this possible?"

"The sense of balance is not only a labyrinth. I don’t understand these medical terms, but..." Paxton held out his hand and looked at her. "I know that my hand is closer than the wall, I know that they are separated by a few meters, but... Karl, I am sitting in one place and I have a problem with judging the distance when I move in space it is even more difficult. Twenty minutes of driving requires me to be as focused as I used to accumulate three days of racing and then I feel as tired as if I were really driving three days straight."

"Just ordinary driving...?" Karl was incredulous. It’s not that he thought Paxton was lying, it was just that the information was so unexpected, so strange that it sounded unimaginable.

"Even a walk," Steve said. "I don’t know when it started. I noticed this after landing at an Italian airport. It wasn’t that annoying, but it started to get worse quickly. The doctor said it was a kind of dizziness. It’s not spinning like a carousel, but sometimes, more and more, I feel like I’m out of the rollercoaster or slightly drunk when you still have a sense of reality, but you have the lightness in your head, as if you want to catch butterflies. The impression is even pleasant, really..."

Yes, the slightly intoxicated state was quite pleasant, which is why people were drinking. It was also fun to ride the rollercoaster once in a while, but to be like this almost all the time... There is a reason people are not allowed to drive while drinking alcohol. Hell, Steve was a professional racing driver, and if his perception of reality, even when sober, resembles that of a bit drunk, it’s no wonder he won’t be able to drive professionally. Not only will no doctor let him out on the track, but even he will not dare to get into the car.

"How do you function every day?"

"Weird," Steve admitted. "The drugs help a little. I no longer pour boiling water over myself when I pour boiling water into a cup."

"Was it that bad? Steve, why didn’t you tell me?"

"What was I supposed to say? I thought I was just tired, sleepy, under stress. Would you tell me if you felt strange going down the stairs a few times?"

"Even that?" Karl really couldn’t believe what he was hearing. It was absurd! Surreal! But looking at Paxton, Walton knew it was painfully real.

Suddenly, Karl began to think like the manager of the Fergus Stables.

"Does Martin know?" He asked.

"No," Steve sighed. "I can’t tell him that. I can’t..." he shook his head. "I think first I have to understand and accept the fact that I will never be able to drive on the track again ..."

"Do not say that! You saw one doctor who recognized that you had a disorder of the labyrinth and what... what else was there? "

"The limbic system," Steve explained.

"Precisely! It’s just one doctor. You’re gonna be on medication, you’re gonna do those goddamn exercises, and we’re gonna do more tests. If necessary, we will go to the best specialist in the world. Larissa is a doctor, she will surely find someone who really knows the problem ..."

"Karl ... A five percent chance is the maximum ..."

"No, Steve! I am aware that you may not get back on track. You have a ninety-five percent chance you’ll have to accept your fate, but you have a fucking five percent chance you’ll be back on track. This season..." Walton paused. Yes, you had to face reality. You couldn’t hide behind hope, no, when you were responsible for the entire racing stable. "This season is no longer for you. But I’ll do my best to make you recoup your losses in the next one. And I’ll be damned if you don’t win the championship next season! "

***

Talking to Karl made Steve really feel better, at least mentally. When he received the advice from the doctor that he should not drive, he felt exactly as when he was stabbed. Without even thinking, he said:

"But I’m a racing driver!"

"I’m sorry, not anymore," the woman replied, and I think she really felt sorry for him. "I also advise you to avoid tall buildings, mountain and rock climbing and even very open spaces. If you were a woman, I would also suggest avoiding high heels. It is possible to live normally with it, but ... with some limitations."

A racing driver who in his life the only thing he could do is drive a car deprived of this possibility for life? So suddenly? And she says he can live normally? The norm of his life was so different from her norm!

Never get behind the wheel of a car again...

The eventuality was so terrifying that Steve couldn’t bear it. Worst of all, she was also real, because he knew perfectly well how difficult it was to drive a regular car.

A racing driver deprived of the ability to drive a car was...

Hitting this truth was like hitting a bulldozer.

The truth was cruel, the truth was painful, but it didn’t have to become his reality. As Karl told him, as long as there is a five percent chance Steve will come back on track, Steve will fight for it. And he will not be alone in this fight.

Karl Walton’s first responsibility was the Fergus Stable, and Steve was well aware of that. Karl, however, did not forget what friendship was and offered Steve his support in the fight to get back on the track. The mere presence of a man with Paxton, who had not left him and who boldly declared his support, was like a balm. It made Steve feel so much better.

Martin would also support him in the fight, it was certain, as well as the fact that after the night comes day and after the storm comes the sun. But when it comes to Martin ...

Love is a very strange feeling, Steve realized. When you love someone, you want to always be with them, share your happiness and sorrows with them, but at the same time you want to protect them from sorrow and worries. Although you need and trust the other person, you don’t want them to suffer because of your suffering. Martin loved him so much that when he hears about Steve’s misfortune, it feels like his own, or even more so. He would sacrifice anything to help Paxton. He will not be able to think about anything else and right now he should be thinking not about his lover but about the race ahead. This race was so important not only for Martin but also for the stable and for Steve himself!