My Dear Duke(BL)
Chapter 62: Felix’s Past; The Shell

Chapter 62: Felix’s Past; The Shell

Dark forest...

It was an abandoned forest where no one goes for anything. The forest had water, food, medical herbs but no one went there as it was rumoured to be owned by a demon who killed everyone that entered its territory.

Felix couldn’t help but now suspect maybe these counts purposely spread such a rumour to stop people from finding out their dirty business.

Felix wanted to go back to his place.

He wasn’t going to kill himself anymore but would make things hard for those counts since he knew about them now.

He asked Lucas to come with him and he would let Lucas live with him since he had nowhere or someone to go to. It was his way to repay. Lucas had a lot of questions like if Felix’s parents would let him move in with them, even if as a servant since he was a total stranger. And, Lucas wondered about Felix’s family since it’s obvious Felix was a noble young master.

After Felix said how he is alone and has no one, Lucas found no reason to refuse Felix. It’s a good deal for both of them.

After that, it’s time for their next plan.

It was not a good thing to do but Lucas went around the city to steal money so they could afford a carriage to reach their own city.

Because, after everything that happened, neither Felix nor Lucas thought of asking for help from an adult. Who knew if they would cave into the counts and somehow end up handing them over to them again..

Their imaginations made them terrified of the possibilities of getting into that mess again.

Lucas had stolen before when he had hard times. So it wasn’t hard for him this time either. He sometimes begged, then stole from some more people.

Within hours, Lucas collected a decent amount of coins for use.

Felix couldn’t do any help to him so he stayed in an alley where people weren’t wandering around, waiting for Lucas to safely come back.

After Lucas came back, they observed the carriage drivers who seemed kind so it would be easy for them. Then, they picked one of them to ask for a ride back to their hometown.

They lied about their ages being 17 and 16 just in case as the driver asked them some questions in a friendly manner.

It was suspicious with the way they looked but Lucas was tall and being 17 didn’t look like a lie to suspect seriously about.

And also, they made up a story about running away from home but regretting it now and going back.

The man believed them and brought them back to their destination.

They paid him with all the coins they had even though there were extra 8 silver coins. They were glad they were safely back so just 8 coins didn’t really matter.

On their way on the carriage, the man did inquire about Felix’s visible injuries which were from the beatings from the counts’ henchmen. They put it off as the way they got their lesson ’ the outside world is tough’. The driver then thought they were foolish two teens and went on to explain how hard life is.

They silently listened as they were glad he didn’t ask anymore questions.

Life was indeed hard...

But they still live...

When Felix came back to the mansion, he wasn’t expected to be welcomed by anyone.

But, he was welcomed by his father’s secretary who had a shocked look, seeing Felix’s bruised face.

He had been missing for a whole week.

So his coming back was indeed a huge surprise.

He doesn’t know if this man he trusted attempted to look for him or not. Whether he did or not, Felix didn’t want to know. Because he was afraid he might be left disappointed.

Despite everything bothering him with stepping back into this mansion, he embraced his position and took control over everything.

Soon, Felix’s wounds were treated with no questions and Lucas was also checked to see if he had any problems.

Felix was silent and not interested in explaining what happened because that sick feeling kept coming again.

He didn’t want ro tell anyone anything when no one was ever interested to find him or so he thought. It was a bitter moment, but he couldn’t bring himself to feel that same relieving feeling again.

As days passed,

Instead of getting better, Felix’s situation got worse. Felix didn’t understand why he was feeling really weak. It was a let down and he felt disappointed in himself because he was feeling like a coward.

Felix had a high fever that didn’t go away for days. The more he thought and suffered mentally, the more his body refused to heal.

He thought he got over that disgusting time. He was doing fine before, even thinking of getting back at the counts. But he couldn’t bring himself to be brave anymore. He just felt really bad, pity for himself and was disgusted with himself.

Maybe because he finally had a roof above his head, he felt it’s time to take a break and think about everything. Which ended up like this now.

His mental health was affecting him from that day on. Everytime he suffers mentally, he gets physically ill. It was annoying. Because now this was another weakness for him.

It was the traces of his trauma that were still following him to adulthood. Maybe till the day he dies, these symptoms will be the same...He will never be the same like before...

Trying to cover his humiliatingly weak mind, he put on the shell that made him look tough and fierce.

So...no one will ever know he is weak inside.

He wants to be strong.

He wants to be tough and not flicker upon randomly recalling a moment from his past.

But it was hard.

He was deeply hurt and the damage was permanent.

He will forever be like this...

There was no going back.

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