My Cold-Hearted Husband Wants Me Back
Chapter 163: Hate Him Or Myself?

Chapter 163: Hate Him Or Myself?

Regina gazed at Lucas’s face, searching for a crack in his expression, something to explain the words that still echoed in her mind.

"I should’ve told Grandma I was tired."

It hadn’t been a slip of the tongue. It felt... old. Heavy. Like a truth finally breaking through after years of silence.

"Lucas," she said softly, almost afraid to shatter the moment, "what did you mean by that?"

But Lucas didn’t look at her. His eyes were still lost somewhere outside that window, like the night itself held the answer.

"I meant," he finally said, voice low, "I wasn’t okay back then."

Lucas let out a slow, shaky breath, his hand gripping the windowsill as if it could anchor him to reality. The weight of those years, the years he’d tried so hard to bury, started to spill over the edges.

"I was drowning, mom," he muttered, his voice barely audible. "I thought I had to be the perfect son, the perfect leader. Everyone expected that of me. Grandma, Mom, the company... But I couldn’t do it. I was always chasing something. Something I could never reach."

He turned his head, finally meeting her gaze, eyes filled with unshed tears. "I wasn’t strong enough. I didn’t want to admit it. So I kept pretending. Even to myself."

The silence hung heavy between them, the truth of his words sinking in like stones in water.

Regina stepped closer, her heart pounding in her chest. She hadn’t known. She hadn’t known the pain he’d been hiding behind his stoic facade.

"You didn’t have to carry it all alone, Lucas," she whispered, a gentle hand reaching out, resting on his arm. "I wish you’d said something. I—"

"I couldn’t," he interrupted, his voice thick with regret. "I couldn’t let anyone see how broken I was. Not even you. Especially not you."

A long pause passed before he added, almost like an afterthought, "I should’ve told her, too. I should’ve told Grandma how tired I was... before everything happened."

Regina stood there, her heart aching for him. She didn’t have the right words, didn’t know how to take away the years of isolation he’d endured. "So...all this time..." her words were shaky, "You remember?"

"Hmm..." Lucas’s voice was strained, as if the words themselves weighed a ton. He let out a breath, and for the first time in a long while, he allowed himself to share the truth.

"I... I don’t know if I ever told you this, but..." He paused, searching for the right words. His gaze was distant, like he was seeing something only he could see. "Before everything happened, I was barely holding on. It wasn’t just the company, or trying to keep the family’s legacy intact. I had a thousand things pulling me in every direction. And I remember... I remember thinking, I can’t do this anymore."

Regina didn’t speak, but her heart pounded in her chest, sensing where this was heading.

"I thought about talking to Eryx," Lucas continued, his voice thick with the memory. "I should’ve. I needed to settle things with him first. I had to. I wanted to tell him... tell him everything. How I was drowning. I was exhausted, mom. Not just from work, but from trying to keep it all together, pretending everything was fine... I should’ve told him, ’I can’t do this by myself anymore. I need you.’" He sighed, shaking his head as if berating himself. "But I didn’t. And then..."

He trailed off, his expression tightening, like the weight of that regret had taken root deep within him.

Regina finally spoke, her voice softer now, "But you didn’t get the chance to, Lucas. No one did. You were..."

"I was too late," Lucas muttered, his eyes falling to the floor, his voice barely more than a whisper. "Too late to fix anything. Too late to talk to Eryx. Too late to save her."

Regina hesitated for a moment, then reached out and gently took his hand in hers. "I’m sorry," she murmured. "I didn’t know. I really didn’t. We all thought..." she paused, "Never mind, I guess we were too ignorant back then to realise."

Lucas didn’t pull away. His hand stayed in hers, cold and unmoving. "Maybe I should’ve forgotten," he said quietly. "It would’ve been easier. But I didn’t. I remembered everything. Every single thing. I’ve been carrying it in silence for years, like a punishment no one sentenced me to."

"You were grieving," Regina said softly. "And hiding. I understand now."

"I wasn’t just grieving," he said, glancing at her for the first time since he started speaking. "I was angry. Angry that I couldn’t scream when I wanted to. That I had to pretend I didn’t exist while the world kept going. Everyone kept saying Eryx stepped up, that he saved the family. And maybe he did. But no one knew he left me with the fire first. I’m sorry and I didn’t know why but yesterday, when I first met him, I wanted to punch him in the face."

Regina’s lips parted slightly in surprise.

"I never blamed him for leaving," Lucas added. "Not at first. He wanted to live his own life. That was his choice. But when the weight got too heavy, when I needed him most... he wasn’t there. That’s what broke me."

He turned back to the window, his reflection darker now in the glass.

"Do you hate him for it?" Regina asked, her voice barely audible.

"No," Lucas said after a long pause. "I don’t. But I don’t know how to explain...do I hate him? Or do I hate myself?"

A silence fell between them, the kind that made you aware of every creak in the floor, every breath in the room. Then they heard it, a faint, almost imperceptible shuffle from the hallway.

Lucas froze. Regina turned her head sharply toward the door.

It creaked slightly, just enough to reveal the shadow beyond it.

Eryx stood there.

His expression unreadable, his jaw set, and his eyes fixed on Lucas like he had been standing there for a while.

Regina slowly let go of Lucas’s hand and at that moment, silence hung heavy as no one said a word.