My Alphas' Dark Desires
Chapter 170: Another Guilt

Chapter 170: Another Guilt

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Chapter 170

~Valerie’s POV~

Xade finally looked me in the eyes again after I had looked away to hide the pain and saw the state I was in.

His hand was gentle as he wiped away a tear with the back of his finger. "Oh, Valerie... shhh, don’t cry."

"I didn’t mean to reopen anything for him. I thought I was just asking questions."

"I know." His tone was soft. "But that’s why you need to know us. All of us. Not just the smiles and battle scars but the things that truly made us—painful as they are."

"No," I shook my head weakly. "Axel’s was already too much. Too raw."

He gave a small smile that didn’t reach his eyes. "And yet, it was what shaped him. You may’ve heard the nickname—The Cocky Seducer."

I paused, unsue if I wanted to answer that buta fter a few seconds, I nodded.

"Yes. After Sapphire, he stopped believing in love. He flirted. He charmed. But he never let anyone in again... until he met you."

I stared at the ground, the weight of that confession hitting harder than anything else. I had wondered, of course. Axel always kept people at a distance, except me.

Yet he was the school’s most favoured playboy. I actually thought he just created the persona but...

"Also, did you notice that the ones he even gives his time to are just mostly blondes now?"

"Why is that?"

"In the past he usually hated mingling with girls with blonde hairs because they reminded him of Sapphire but after a year plus, someone, his cousin talked some sense into him a bit."

I exhaled. "So he changed?"

"Nah, knowing Axel, he didn’t. That is why I said a bit. He only picked up the part where he shouldn’t let her memory hold him back."

"W-why are you telling me this?" I asked quietly.

"Because it’s only fair," Xade said. "You wanted to know about our blue eyes, right? Why we have them? Maybe it’s time I told you mine."

"You don’t have to," I said quickly, placing a hand on his arm. "Really. You don’t owe me that."

But Xade only gave a sad smile. "I do. Because maybe it’ll help you understand that none of us came out of this untouched. And that pain has a way of bonding people even when love feels impossible."

He stood, took a breath, and stepped back just enough to let the night air fill the space between us.

I di dnot know what to say anymore to that and just listened.

Maybe I really did need to know, maybe this was the way I would connect bette with thema nd share my story too.

"It was a mission," he began, voice calm but hollow. "We were sent in to recover hostages—a routine strike on an old rebel holdout. I had gone ahead when I sensed something wrong with the mission spy we had. The info had a loop hole. So, I went to check it out."

I held my breath, waiting for the next part of the story.

"Well, I got lucky. We were double crossed and nowm, the rogues were going to escape. I called in, told my father where they were and the truth about our spy. Rather than let me engage, I was ordered not to do anything, to stand down."

"And you felt bad and blamed yourself, or?"

Xade shook his head and when he looked at me again, I saw the clear glint of pain in his eyes.

"I was supposed to stay back, wait for clearance. But I saw an opening. I thought it was the right call. They, they were going to escape. I just couldn’t sit back and watch them treat them anyhow."

He paused, his jaw tightening. "It was a trap."

The wind rustled the leaves above us. Neither of us spoke.

"They had children inside. Two. Not even five years old," Xade’s voice cracked now, and he blinked rapidly. "My advance gave them just enough reason to detonate early. I remember the blast. I remember the sound. I remember..."

He didn’t finish the sentence.

"I carried one of them out," he said, barely audible. "But she was already gone. Her twin died in the rubble. I... I did that."

I couldn’t breathe. My heart twisted in my chest as I reached out instinctively, placing a hand on his shoulder. His body trembled.

"The pain, the blame, the guilt... the lifeless body in my hands as their mother stood, dazed, shock written all over her face as she stood there, looking lifeless, my father’s disapproving stare... the wailing and the blood..."

Xade swallowed and looked away, staring into nothing as though he could see something.

"It just happened, the guilt became too much, the deep deethed pain... I had promised the parents there to save their children, but to have lost two... That was it all. My eyes turned blue as if they were some badge of honor. But all I saw when I look in the mirror was their faces. I saw what I cost."

I pressed my lips together and stood, then wrapped my arms around him tightly. Xade froze for half a second—then crumpled forward into my embrace.

We didn’t speak, just stayed there, letting the pain and silence ease off. And maybe, for just a while, we weren’t two broken people but two pieces finally starting to understand one another.

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~Kai’s POV~

I saw Valerie before the shadows fully settled across the training field and the stars had a chance to cut the sky open.

I saw Valerie in someone else’s arms—hugging Xade.

They were standing near the a trail, half-shrouded by trees.

Valerie held him. Arms tight around his back. Xade was hunched forward, face pressed into her shoulder like he didn’t trust the air to keep him standing.

Her hand moved slowly over his back in soothing circles.

I should’ve looked away. Should’ve kept walking.

But my feet didn’t move. Not a damn inch. My heart clenched as something cold and sharp sunk into my chest like claws.

"Kai..." Kaiser’s voice rippled through my head. "She needed someone. He was there. That’s all."

"I should’ve been there."

"You couldn’t be. You didn’t know and neither did she."

I stared at the two of them—how broken he looked, how calm she was trying to be for him. It burned. It festered. And worst of all... it ached.

"She’s ours too, Kaiser."

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