MATED TO THE SECRET ALPHA
Chapter 111: Remorse

Chapter 111: Remorse

She felt a pang in her chest, a mix of emotions swirling inside her. She was torn between her own messed up feelings and the love he had declared. "You should have trusted me," she whispered, her voice still barely audible.

Ryder’s face contorted in a mixture of pain and regret, and he raised his hand, his fingers caressing her chin. "I know," he said, his voice cracking. "I was wrong not to trust you. But I was desperate, Reana. I couldn’t bear the thought of losing you."

"And now? Will you tell me what you’re hiding?" she asked, her eyes locked onto his.

Ryder’s eyes searched hers, as if looking for permission to reveal his secrets. He took a deep breath, and his shoulders squared, as if preparing himself for the consequences. "I’ll tell you everything," he said, his voice firm. "I’ll hide nothing from you, Reana. I promise."

He paused, collecting his thoughts before speaking again. "But when the time is right." His eyes locked onto hers, intense and serious. "You have to promise me that you’ll listen, that you’ll hear me out, no matter what I say."

Reana’s brows furrowed in confusion. "When the time is right?" she repeated, her voice laced with skepticism. "What does that mean? Why can’t you tell me now?"

Ryder’s expression remained serious, his eyes burning with an inner intensity. "Because, Reana, what I have to tell you...it’s not something you’re ready to hear. Not yet." He paused, "But I promise you, when the time is right, I’ll tell you everything."

Reana’s gaze lowered, her mind racing with thoughts, trying to put two and two together. Then, she arrived at a conclusion;

"You’re not sick with wolf rot." She wasn’t asking, she was stating a fact.

Ryder’s eyes locked onto hers, and he nodded slightly, acknowledging the truth. "I’m not sick."

The air was thick with tension as Reana’s gaze bore into his, as if searching for more secrets, more lies. "Your relationship with Orion was more than you stated."

Ryder stayed silent, his jaw clenched. "Yes."

"And you don’t want to say?"

He shook his head, "I’m sorry."

Reana’s eyes narrowed, her gaze piercing as she searched for answers in Ryder’s closed-off expression. The silence between them grew thicker, heavier, as if the weight of Ryder’s secrets was crushing the air out of the room.

"You’re sorry?" Reana’s voice was low, even, but laced with a hint of hurt and betrayal. "You’re sorry for lying to me, for keeping secrets from me?"

Ryder’s jaw clenched tighter, his eyes flashing with a mixture of guilt and desperation. "I’m sorry for everything," he whispered, his voice cracking with emotion.

"Who killed those people?" she began, "The assassins, the rogues... Hale." She swallowed, hoping he didn’t. Her fists clenched, her heart thumping faster. She hoped he didn’t, prayed he didn’t kill innocent Hale, her mate.

Ryder’s eyes snapped shut, as if the mention of Hale’s name - her mate, was a physical blow. But he showed no remorse as his eyes snapped open, "I did."

Reana’s eyes widened, shock and horror etched on her face. "You?" she repeated, her voice trembling. "Y– you killed Hale? Why?"

"He was collateral damage," he sighed deeply.

Reana’s face contorted in a mixture of shock, horror, and disgust. "Collateral damage?" she repeated, her voice barely above a whisper. "Hale was my mate!" her voice rose. "He was innocent, sweet, kind. He was my pack member. Not some...some damage to be collateralized." Her voice cracked with emotion, yet, she couldn’t hate him, couldn’t turn her back to him.

Ryder’s expression remained neutral, and what angered Reana was the fact that he showed no remorse.

"Smack!"

She slapped him hard. So hard that his lip split open, and a trickle of blood ran down his chin. Ryder didn’t flinch or react, as if he had expected the slap. He simply stood there, his gaze locked on Reana’s, his expression still neutral, but a hint of sadness creeped into his eyes.

He was taking a beating for something that was rightfully his. If he had a way to invoke Hale’s spirit, he would have done so just to kill him again.

The silence between them was heavy, the only sound the ragged breathing of Reana’s anger and the soft dripping of Ryder’s blood onto the floor.

"You’re not going to show remorse?" Reana her voice trembling with anger and hurt. "You’re not going to apologize for killing my mate?"

Ryder’s gaze held hers, his eyes unwavering, but a faint flicker of emotion danced in their depths. "I’m sorry you’re hurt, Reana," he said, his voice low and even. "But I’m not sorry for what I did. I’d do it again if it –"

"Smack!" she slapped him again.

Ryder’s head snapped to the side. He didn’t react. He simply stood there, his gaze returning to Reana’s, his expression calm and collected once more.

The only sign of the pain he must be feeling was the faint reddening of his cheek and the slow trickle of blood from the corner of his mouth.

Reana’s chest heaved with ragged breaths, her eyes blazing with fury and hurt.

Furious that he was willing to be belated to death than feel remorse, and hurt that he was hurting.

"All those while, I was restless, thinking I could be next, cracking my mind to find out who the enemy was, suspecting everyone. Do you know how draining it was, living in constant fear, never knowing when the next attack would come?" Reana’s voice cracked with emotion, her words spilling out in a torrent of pain and frustration.

"And all along, it was you." She continued, "For three years, you took away my sense of security, my peace of mind, yet, you claim to love me? Claim you’d protect me? Who exactly are you protecting me from?"

"I’m sorry–"

Reana cut him off, her voice rising in indignation. "Don’t say that! Don’t apologize when you’re not even sorry. You’re sorry I’m hurt, but you’re not sorry for what you did." Her eyes flashed with anger, her words dripping with venom. "You’re protecting me from everyone else, but who’s protecting me from you?"

It hurts.

Ryder’s heart hurt as he gazed at Reana, seeing the pain and betrayal etched on her face. He felt like he’d been punched in the gut, his breath knocked out of him. His hand reached out to her, but he hesitated, clenched his fist and brought his hand back down.

"I was learning to trust you despite myself. And now, I don’t know." She shook her head. Her gaze raked his face, stopping on the healing wound in his lip. She clenched and unclenched her fist. Fighting against the pull to wipe the blood, to comfort him.

She could see how broken he was, but she was angry. Hurt. And unwilling to spoil him anymore.

She turned her side, ordering him, "Go to the dungeon. You’ll remain there until you feel remorse."

Ryder nodded, his eyes cast downward in defeat. He turned to leave, but not before Reana saw a flicker of something in his eyes - a deep sadness, a longing, a plea for forgiveness. But it was quickly extinguished, replaced by a mask of resignation.

Her anger shot high as she grabbed the nearest object and hurled it at him, "Show remorse, you fool!"

He stopped when the object hit him in the back and bounced off. The sound of the object shattering on the floor echoed through the room, and Reana’s chest heaved with ragged breaths as she struggled to contain her fury.

He turned his head and smiled bitterly at her before walking away, his shoulders slumped, his footsteps heavy.

Ryder’s bitter smile cut through her, making her feel like she was the one who’d been struck, making her feel like she was the one who was being punished.

And Reana indeed felt it, more than she cared to admit.

The anger and hurt swirled inside her, making her feel dizzy and disoriented. She stumbled backwards, her hand grasping for something to hold onto, as the room seemed to spin around her.

"That idiot," she mumbled, her throat constricting as tears welled up in her eyes.