I Only Care About Making Money And Not Love. I'm The Best Professional Simp!
Ch. 1 - A Gambling-Addicted Dad, an Alcoholic Mom, a Sick Sister, and the Broken Him

...

"Here is one million. Leave Miss Qingyu."

"Our transaction ends here."

Thud!

A duffel bag was casually tossed onto the table.

Lu Xing unzipped the bag, and stacks of red bills scrambled to fall out onto him!

(TL: The largest denomination of Chinese currency, the 100 yuan note, is red.)

Ah!

The greatest color in this world—red!

The butler spoke, his voice full of disappointment for someone failing to live up to their potential.

"You're only eighteen. Why have you sunk to this line of work?!"

"A gambling-addicted dad, an alcoholic mom, a sick sister, and the broken me."

Lu Xing professionally pulled a fake currency detector out of his bag, speaking perfunctorily as he counted the money.

The Butler: ...

Spouting all these catchy rhymes, are you studying for the grad school exams? (TL: The phrase 'a gambling-addicted dad, an alcoholic mom, a sick sister, and the broken me' has a rhythmic, rhyming quality in Chinese. The joke is that people studying for China's intense graduate school entrance exams (考研 - kǎoyán) often use such mnemonics and rhymes to memorize vast amounts of information.)

Wait!

That's not right!

Halfway through counting the money, Lu Xing suddenly remembered the key point of the butler's words and asked.

"You mean..."

"I don't have to trail behind Wei Qingyu's ass taking care of her anymore, right?"

The butler's face turned red with anger, and he stammered.

"Crude! Crude!"

"How can you speak so crudely!"

Lu Xing ignored the butler and lowered his head to continue counting.

Hilarious, as if anyone doesn't have an ass? Why can't I say it?!

The butler calmed his emotions and explained.

"The Gaokao is coming up, and the boss plans to strengthen Miss Qingyu's protection, so you are no longer needed." (TL: The Gaokao is China's notoriously difficult national college entrance examination.)

"This one million is your compensation."

Two and a half years ago, Old Wei's precious daughter, Wei Qingyu, had entered City No. 1 High School.

Wei Qingyu was beautiful and exquisite, but her personality was cold and taciturn.

Although in Lu Xing's eyes she was just a blockhead, beauty is a universal currency, after all.

Hordes of people threw themselves at Wei Qingyu for her beauty, but unfortunately, they all fell before her cold, dismissive gaze.

With an "if I can't have her, I'll destroy her" attitude.

For a time, rumors were rampant.

When Old Wei found out about this, he was furious!

When other people get furious, all they can do is be furious for a moment.

But Old Wei was different.

He had 'money-ability'. 

(TL: This is a pun. '钞能力' (chāo nénglì - money ability) is a homophone for '超能力' (chāo nénglì - superpower).)

In a fit of rage, he donated an entire building to the school.

The rumors vanished instantly!

However, Old Wei was still worried about his daughter's life at school. What if his precious daughter was being secretly ostracized but wasn't telling him?

But he couldn't just post two bodyguards at the classroom door, could he?

In his dilemma...

The name 'Lu Xing' entered Old Wei's line of sight.

Practiced martial arts, from a poor family, good grades, and was Wei Qingyu's classmate.

If he were hired to protect Wei Qingyu...

Brilliant!!!

Originally, Old Wei thought Lu Xing was some poor nerd and that he'd have to persuade him with logic and emotion.

He never would have expected.

Lu Xing was both poor and street-smart. Right off the bat, he pitched a 'Licking Dog Package' to Old Wei! (TL: '舔狗' (tiǎngǒu), literally 'licking dog', is popular internet slang for a 'Simp' or an obsessive suck-up who degrades themselves to win someone's affection. I will translate it as Simp going forth for ease of understanding)

A professional licking dog?

Interesting!

The two of them hit it off immediately!

You provide the money, I take good care of your daughter.

Everyone has a bright future!

However, this job easily made Lu Xing a 'licking dog' in everyone's eyes.

After all, to be able to persist under the indifference of School Beauty Wei without backing down, treating her well with no bottom line and no self-respect...

Until now.

There was only Lu Xing.

Lu Xing originally thought he'd have to be School Beauty Wei's licking dog until high school graduation.

But yesterday, things took a turn.

The leader of a gang of delinquents from another school saw Wei Qingyu's face and got a case of sperm-on-the-brain.

(TL: The original text is *虫上脑, a censored version of 精虫上脑 (jīngchóng shàng nǎo), a vulgar slang that literally means 'sperm worms get to the brain', i.e., thinking with one's dick.)

When you're a gangster, it's all about power and background.

What fucking use is being good at fighting!

But unexpectedly, that delinquent leader didn't play by the rules at all.

Without even bothering to check her background, he recklessly gathered a group of scumbags, planning to use their numbers to corner Wei Qingyu and force her to agree.

Even if Wei Qingyu didn't agree, it didn't matter. He'd just have his underlings call her 'sister-in-law'.

If word got around campus that they were calling her 'sister-in-law', what could Wei Qingyu do?

(TL: Calling a girl '嫂子' (sǎozi - older brother's wife) implies she is the girlfriend of the gang leader.)

How could Lu Xing tolerate this?

He was a man of extreme professional integrity. No one could harm his client!

The conflict was about to erupt!

Just as Lu Xing had taken down about a dozen of the gangsters...

Wei Qingyu's family bodyguards arrived, escorted her away, and cleaned up the battlefield.

Unexpectedly, today...

Lu Xing received notice that Wei Qingyu's father was terminating the transaction.

Damn capitalists!

They actually 'optimized' him? 

(TL: '优化' (yōuhuà), meaning 'to optimize', is corporate jargon in China for 'to lay off' or 'fire' someone. It's used sarcastically here.)

Sooner or later, I'll send him to a lamppost to hang! 

(TL: This is a communist meme/slogan, '挂路灯' (guà lùdēng), meaning 'to hang on a lamppost'. It's used online to refer to executing capitalists or the ultra-rich.)

But complaining was just complaining.

The termination of the contract didn't affect Lu Xing much.

It's not like Wei Qingyu was his only client.

And the compensation Old Wei gave was extremely generous.

A total win!

Lu Xing finished counting the money and packed it, stack by stack, into the duffel bag.

Seriously, though.

A million yuan in cash, weighing twenty or thirty jin, was quite heavy.

(TL: A 'jin' (斤) is a Chinese unit of mass equal to around 500-600 grams.)

Seeing the neatly stacked red bills...

Lu Xing's lips curved up into a smile, but it pulled at his injured lip, making him hiss in pain.

Going 1 vs 12, it would be unreasonable not to get a little injured.

The butler disliked Lu Xing's money-grubbing appearance and said irritably.

"Finished counting? Don't be short by a single bill."

Lu Xing zipped up the bag, not the least bit angry, and said with a grin.

"This isn't money."

"This is a steam iron, for smoothing out the wrinkles of life."

The butler was stunned.

"You're surprisingly philosophical when you talk!"

Carrying the generous compensation, Lu Xing was in a good mood and said.

"Thank the generous Boss Wei for me!"

"I'm off."

The butler looked at Lu Xing's injured lip and bandaged hand with a complicated expression.

This kid has really fallen into the money pit! 

(TL: The original idiom is 掉进钱眼儿里了 (diào jìn qián yǎnr li le), literally "fallen into the eye of a coin," meaning to be completely obsessed with money.)

Is he that desperate for cash?!

Watching Lu Xing's departing figure, the butler remembered Boss Wei's instructions and asked one last question.

"Did you ever like Miss Qingyu?"

Lu Xing pulled open the door of the private room, took a deep breath of fresh air, and said affectionately.

"Of course, I did."

"I like every one of my clients. They are all my Gods of Fortune!" 

"Bye-bye! Butler!"

"Next time you have this kind of business, come find me! I'll give you a discount!"

Bang!

The door to the room was shut.

The butler stood there, stunned, and didn't recover for a long time.

After a while.

The butler shook his head helplessly. He had truly never met someone like Lu Xing before.

He guessed the boss had never met someone like him either.

No wonder the boss wasn't worried about this brat developing feelings for Miss Qingyu over time.

However...

"At his young age, he has to rely on selling his emotions like this to make money."

"All his actions have a price tag, and he isn't allowed to have his own feelings."

If it weren't for Lu Xing's personality...

Wouldn't he have broken down long ago?

The boss had never let Miss Qingyu know about this arrangement.

So Miss Qingyu must be extremely annoyed by someone like Lu Xing, who she couldn't shake off.

Coupled with the herd mentality of kids on campus...

Once Lu Xing was labeled a 'licking dog', he would naturally become the target of collective ostracism.

After all…

Only by ostracizing someone together can a group feel like a collective!

Remembering Lu Xing's ever-present smiling face, the butler muttered to himself.

"Your days at school must not have been easy, huh?"

...

"OK! Cross off this client!"

Lu Xing found a bank to deposit the money.

After the deposit, he left the bank carrying two barrels of cooking oil and clutching a shopping card, seen off by the bank manager.

Lu Xing found a bench and sat down, expertly pulling a small notebook from his pocket and flipping it open.

On it were rows and rows of names.

He mercilessly crossed out the three characters for 'Wei Qingyu' and wrote [Account Settled] behind it.

"As expected of a rich young miss, she's worth a lot of money!"

After doing all this, Lu Xing squinted his eyes and recalled his schedule.

"Monday to Friday during the day, I go to school to take care of Wei Qingyu; in the evenings, I go see that 'Auntie' to act as her husband; on Saturdays and Sundays, I go to that psycho professor's house to fight..."

"But now my daytime hours from Monday to Friday are free. Looks like I need to find a few more clients!"

"Keep it up, Lu Xiaokui!" 

(TL: A self-deprecating joke. 'Lu Xiaokui' (陆小葵) is a play on his name, Lu Xing (陆星). It's a reference to the optimistic character Crayon Shin-chan (蜡笔小新 - Làbǐ Xiǎoxīn), whose name sounds similar.)

After muttering all this, Lu Xing himself laughed.

"Fuck."

"I'm like a gigolo."

If they handed out awards for it, he would be the real Time Management Master!

(TL: A reference to Taiwanese singer Show Lo, who was exposed for cheating on his girlfriend with multiple partners. The internet sarcastically dubbed him a 'Time Management Master' for juggling so many relationships.)

An old man passing by heard Lu Xing's words, gave him a horrified look, and hurried away after dropping four words.

"Improper for one so young!" 

(TL: This is a play on the idiom 为老不尊 (wéi lǎo bù zūn), "improper for one's age (said of an old person)” The old man swapped 老 (old) for 小 (young).)

Lu Xing: ???

After it registered, Lu Xing roared with laughter, laughing at the old man and at himself.

However–

As he looked up, Lu Xing suddenly froze.

Under the shade of a tree not far away, a pitch-black Maybach was parked quietly.

The woman in the driver's seat wore an expensive white silk shirt, her seaweed-like black curly hair casually draped over her shoulders. But in the face of her intense and gorgeous features, nothing else mattered; everyone's gaze could only focus on her face.

And to avoid these annoying gazes, she wore a pair of thin-rimmed glasses on her delicate nose, which diluted some of her bewitching charm, instead lending her a coolly seductive aura.

At this moment.

Her slender, pale fingers were tapping impatiently on the car window, but her eyes were fixed motionlessly on Lu Xing's face.

When she saw the cut on the corner of Lu Xing's mouth, she clearly furrowed her brow.

Lu Xing glanced at her, then immediately looked down at his calendar.

"Oh, it's Saturday."

Alright.

Time to go fight with this psycho professor again.

Out of respect for his client, Lu Xing quickened his pace towards the car.

But someone was faster than him.

A female traffic cop appeared from nowhere and swiftly slapped a parking ticket on the car window!

The woman's breezy and detached aura instantly shattered, her face a mask of utter astonishment.

Lu Xing's lips were harder to suppress than an AK.

(TL: A popular internet slang phrase, 'AK都压不住', means that you can't suppress your laughter/excitement, comparing it to the difficulty of controlling the recoil (压枪) of an AK-47 in shooting games like CS:GO or PUBG.)

(SHMOLL: Hello, everyone. I am SHMOLL and the editor for this novel! Let’s have popcorn together throughout the novel:))

(LTCDigital: Hi! I am LTCDigital or Digital/Digi for short if you want, I will be the Translator for this novel. This novel (as always) is full of Chinese slang, references as well as common knowledge that the author assumes his Chinese audience will know. Obviously the readers here are not Chinese so, to "address" that issue, I have made numerous Translator (TL) notes that explain everything in a clear and concise way. Hope you have fun reading it as much as I did translating it. )

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