I Might Have Fallen in Love With My Childhood Sweetheart
Chapter 196 - 190: Love and Hatred Are Both Romantic

Chapter 196: Chapter 190: Love and Hatred Are Both Romantic

All three top students were doing their homework, only Song Shize was nestled in the living room playing games on his phone, yet he still managed to enjoy himself greatly.

At night, the four of them gathered around a dining table to eat. Throughout the meal, Song Shize stared at Qingran the entire time.

Qingran felt extremely uncomfortable being watched by him, and she frowned at Song Shize: "Why don’t you focus on eating? Why are you looking at me?"

"Tsck!" Song Shize bit on his chopstick and put on an exaggerated sigh, "A day apart feels like three autumns. Li Qingran, count for yourself, how many seasons have we not seen each other?"

Xie Ying’an nonchalantly glanced at him, his expression somewhat cold.

Qingran: "..."

Why does this guy feel so greasy all of a sudden?

Li Qingmo also kicked Song Shize’s stool, warning him: "Speak properly."

Song Shize straightened up and cleared his throat, seeming like he had truly decided to speak seriously: "There’s something I haven’t mentioned—"

He paused, then looked at Qingran again: "Actually, on my way to your house today, I met more than just one person."

Qingran continued eating without responding, completely uninterested in whoever Song Shize had encountered on his way here.

Not only was Qingran uninterested, but the other two also showed a lack of curiosity.

Seeing this, Song Shize stopped beating around the bush, sat up straight, and his tone returned to normal: "I also ran into that Ji, God Ji, right? What’s his real name? I can’t remember. Have you noticed he hasn’t been looking too well recently? His complexion was so pale..."

God Ji? Not in good health?

Qingran’s hand slipped, and a chopstick dropped from her hand onto the floor.

Song Shize suddenly stopped speaking, as three pairs of eyes involuntarily shifted to look at her.

Qingran, with her head lowered in thought, unusually sharp as she was, didn’t notice their gazes on her.

Xie Ying’an took a long look at her, then crouched to pick up the chopstick and went to the kitchen.

Li Qingmo, raising his eyebrows in confusion, said: "It’s just a mention of God Ji. Why are you so agitated?"

Song Shize looked at Qingran with a grin that wasn’t quite a grin, a face that said ’I know everything, but I won’t tell’.

Qingran lowered her eyes to the half-eaten meal in her bowl, suddenly feeling like she had lost her appetite.

Xie Ying’an had already returned from the kitchen, holding a pair of new chopsticks for Qingran.

Qingran didn’t take them and just said she was full, put down her bowl, and went upstairs.

Li Qingmo was still in a state of confusion and asked the other two: "What’s gotten into Li Qingran all of a sudden?"

Xie Ying’an ignored him, put down his utensils and followed Qingran upstairs.

Song Shize patted Li Qingmo on the shoulder with a chuckle: "Bro, I truly envy you for being able to live so carefree like an idiot."

"Fuck! Who the hell are you calling an idiot?"

Li Qingmo retaliated by twisting Song Shize’s hand that had patted his shoulder behind his back, rendering him immobile.

Song Shize hissed in pain with a low whisper: "Hey, hey... take it easy... it hurts, it hurts..."

After returning to her room, Qingran sat by the desk and opened the window to look into the distance. The days in the summer are always longer than the nights, and at this moment, the sky had not completely darkened, with tall buildings and dense forests obscuring her view.

She had been busy with competitions and studying recently and truly hadn’t thought of Ji Yanchen for a long time.

Today, hearing Song Shize mention him, she really didn’t feel much. What truly made her uncomfortable was Song Shize’s following remark about God Ji’s pale complexion and not being in good health...

Ji Yanchen did not spend three years abroad for treatment like in the book, yet his health had not improved either. When he appeared as the antagonist later in the book, he might have been psychologically unwell, but his physical health was robust.

That is to say, his illness wasn’t healed at all when he returned from abroad.

Qingran dared not think of the reason for Ji Yanchen’s return, but her mind was astute enough; some things don’t need to be pondered to know the answer.

Youthful affections, whether love or hate, are all but romantic.

But she admitted to herself that her fondness for Ji Yanchen was limited to liking him, and it did not go beyond that.

And that tinge of fondness, for reasons unknown, blossomed within her, and as soon as she realized it, she quickly nipped those sprouting feelings in the bud herself.

Every time she heard people mention Ji Yanchen, Qingran couldn’t help but uncontrollably think of God Ji’s ending. A man so elegant and serene, yet when he leapt from the skyscraper, he revealed a genuinely joyous smile that had never been seen on his face in his lifetime.

Qingran dared not ponder his ending, just as she never dared to contemplate her own.

She only thought that, by relying on studying and the halo of male lead Xie Ying’an, she could resist the plot development and the female lead’s halo in the book.

But had she really resisted it? If she had, then why did Liang Fan, after being beaten up by Xie Ying’an and Li Qing Mo, still persistently confess to her like he did in the book?

During this time, she was well aware that the only thing she changed was her academic performance.

Everything is predestined, how could she struggle against fate?

Qingran thought, perhaps she shouldn’t just blindly try to change her own fate. She and Ji Yanchen were just pawn pieces pushed forward by the author of the book to advance the plot. So, why should she walk alone now that she’s awakened?

Why not find an opportunity to change her fate with Ji Yanchen together, and try to transform despair into survival?

Even if the outcome isn’t as desired, all she asks for is a clear conscience after making the effort.

The wind blowing in from outside was the warm breeze of summer, while the indoor air was cooled by the air conditioner. Sitting between warmth and coolness, Qingran suddenly felt like her current situation was stuck between her own fate and God Ji’s, caught in a dilemma.

To help, she feared she might not have the resolve and could fall.

To not help, it pained her to see such a splendid young man fall into hardship.

The sky gradually darkened.

Qingran took a deep breath, closed the window, and turned to see Xie Ying’an leaning against her door.

The youth had a tall figure, and his deep gaze seemed to lose much of its luster as if suppressing emotions.

Seeing Qingran turn around, Xie Ying’an came back to his senses. He reached out to turn on the room’s light, closed the half-open door, and walked to the desk to ask Qingran, "Are you studying tonight?"

Qingran was startled, then numbly nodded her head.

Xie Ying’an pulled out a chair for her, and he sat down beside her too. He casually picked up a test paper, and then the room filled with the rustling sounds of a pen moving across the paper.

Qingran, who had just thought through a lot of things, had no mood to do homework now and sneakily glanced at Xie Ying’an next to her.

Xie Ying’an wasn’t looking at her, his gaze still lowered as he wrote, emanating a somewhat indifferent aura, as if keeping others at a thousand miles away.

Did Xie Ying’an, who usually only showed this expression to others, also show it to her today?

Indeed! Qingran knew herself that she had just planned her future life for so long, including God Ji, but had not included Xie Ying’an who was right by her side.

So why hadn’t she included Xie Ying’an in her future life plans?

Perhaps it was because this youth was always within her sight whenever she looked up, or perhaps it was because this youth naturally possessed the protagonist’s halo she could never envy...

What about herself?

When she needed his protagonist’s halo, she tried everything to get close to him, but when she did not, she couldn’t wait to stay far away from him.

How different then, were her actions from those despicable men she had always loathed?

Today she was thinking about pulling God Ji to safety, so why did she leave Xie Ying’an, who was so good to her, out of the picture?

The ballpoint pen in her hand felt as heavy as a thousand pounds. Qingran put down the pen in her hand and suddenly grabbed Xie Ying’an’s hand as he wrote.

Xie Ying’an looked at her in surprise, then at the hand she had grasped. From the side, his thin lips were tightly pressed into a straight line, eyelashes half-lowered, obscuring the emotions within his dark eyes, not revealing a hint of sentiment or feeling.

Qingran didn’t let go, holding Xie Ying’an’s hand without any ulterior motive felt unobjectionable to her.

"I don’t want to do homework, want to go out for a walk?" she asked.

Xie Ying’an turned back to her, tried to pull his hand away with a bit of force, but then gripped hers tightly in return.

The indifferent atmosphere that surrounded the youth dissipated in an instant. His dark eyes were shrouded with a faint smile, his voice carrying an uncontainable delight: "Let’s go!"

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