From Goblin Slave To Giga-Daddy: A Goblin's Guide to Getting a Harem
Chapter 57: Trying to get him Killed?!

Chapter 57: Trying to get him Killed?!

Two days.

Two whole damn days of watching people get healed while Rae went untouched, unteased, and completely action-less.

Alice had done her magic.

Literally.

She’d worked like an angel on crack, pulling out darkness from Alex, Lyra, and Bryce like it was dental floss on demon teeth.

It was almost divine.

The woman radiated enough holy light to make a priest blush.

And yeah, Rae got it, she was a national treasure, a sacred healer, one of the Seven... blah blah blah.

But he was suffering.

Not a single boob jiggle.

Not a single thigh flash.

Not even a casual, accidental brush of soft hand against horny goblin.

He was starving.

Meanwhile, the patients? Fine. Just asleep.

Alice said all three were stable now, just needed rest.

"For Lyra and Bryce, it wasn’t that bad."

She had said, with that serene voice that made Rae want to sin harder.

"But Alex... the spear had pierced deep. The darkness was embedded. It took time."

Great. Rae didn’t give a single goblin turd about Alex, but this also meant more delays.

And where was he now?

Melissa’s tent.

Yeah. That’s what he got out of the whole ordeal. A tent upgrade.

See, the night Alice came bursting in with her saintly glow, Melissa decided Rae looked too emotionally crushed to be around Alice and Alex.

"You said such sad things, Rae."

She told him softly, patting his head like he was a fucking cat who just lost his ball.

"I think... maybe don’t go into Alice’s tent. I’ll send Maya with her instead. You stay with me tonight."

And Rae, at first, thought yes. Finally.

He imagined sensual healing.

A warm embrace.

Maybe even a sloppy, grief-fueled makeout session.

But no. Nothing. Nada.

Melissa was too damn motherly about it.

He got blankets.

He got soup.

He got fucking emotional support.

And Maya probably had a full-on slumber party with Alice, giggling and healing and probably massaging holy feet or some nonsense.

Meanwhile Rae was curled up like a virgin on heartbreak, his goblin horniness intensifying by the hour.

"I swear, if I don’t see a thigh or some cleavage by tomorrow..."

He muttered in the dark, eyes wide open.

"I’m going to lose my damn mind."

He sighed deeply and stared up at the canvas ceiling of the tent, the faint glow of a nearby fire casting flickering shadows.

Two days without a single sinful distraction.

He was a warrior of temptation.

A soldier of seduction.

And this peace?

This. Was. Torture.

But then—like divine intervention mixed with just the right amount of depravity—Rae found it.

The sweet spot.

The perfect fucking technique.

The masterstroke of manipulative grief-goblin artistry.

All he had to do was sit at the corner of the tent, knees to his chest, head buried in his arms like he was a tragic war orphan from an over-budget anime.

And then... sprinkle in just the right amount of tremble.

Maybe an occasional sniffle.

A low, broken sob for flavor.

Boom.

Melissa was on him like a nurturing goddess of soft, squishy comfort.

"Oh, Rae..."

She knelt beside him, her warm scent enveloping him, and just like that—bam—his head was shoved right into the motherlode.

Boob heaven.

Titty Nirvana.

Milk pillow paradise.

And the best part?

He didn’t even have to fake cry anymore.

The tears were real. From joy.

Of course, grief-stricken and accidentally motorboating Melissa’s fun bags, Rae wailed like a tiny widow.

He wrapped his arms around her and let his face sink deep into her cleavage with divine despair.

And wouldn’t you know?

[Side Quest Acquired: Fun with Fun Bags – Level 1]

[Simply play with them melons]

[Reward: 50 Lust Points]

’Huh?!’

Rae blinked, frozen between two soft hills of maternal heaven.

’Fifty?’

’FIFTY?!’

That was the biggest reward he’d ever gotten.

Bigger than teasing Alice and making her drink his juices.

Bigger than that time he rubbed Lyra’s thighs under the guise of "soothing pressure points."

’Fifty Lust Points just for this?!’

He was flabbergasted. And more than a little aroused.

Hell, Lyra hadn’t even netted him lust points—just plot advancement.

That stupid system barely gave him crumbs with Alice.

But this? This was melonic gold.

’If I get just one more of these quests, I’m hitting Level Six. A Grand Level Six Goblin.’

He clenched his fists with excitement, still tucked between Melissa’s soft peaks.

Then he thought of something vile.

Something sinful.

’I wonder what level that cold bitch’s goblin is at...’

And of course, he meant Laila.

"Aha!"

His eyes sparkled with sudden clarity.

It all made sense now.

The system didn’t give random crap.

It gave exactly what he needed most.

Like a horny genie with a stat sheet.

So if it was handing him a fat stack of lust points—fifty just for some grief-based titty-diving—then that meant one thing.

The system wanted him to level up. Fast.

’But why?’

He gulped and slowly turned his head, eyes shifting to Lyra’s tent.

The three heroes still lay inside—motionless.

Bandaged. Battered. Sleeping off darkness like they’d OD’d on existential dread.

’Don’t tell me...’

His heart dropped to his nonexistent goblin nuts.

’I’m gonna have to fight the Goblin King?!’

This was insanity. It was lunacy. It was suicide with extra seasoning.

BWOOMF!

His face, almost instinctively, buried itself back into Melissa’s boobs—because trauma therapy was urgent, and soft.

[Side Quest Completed!]

[Reward: 50 Lust Points]

’Wha—Wait—That counted?! Just faceplanting her cleavage?!’

This was TOO convenient. Like, suspiciously so.

If he kept doing this, he’d be Level 6 in less than an hour.

’Yo, System... You’re not trying to get me killed, right?’

[...]

Yep.

As expected. No answer. Just that empty, smug silence he’d come to fear.

Ding!

[New Side Quest Acquired!]

[Fun with Fun Bags – Level 2]

[Motorboat them melons.]

[Reward: 150 Lust Points]

"..."

"..."

’NO WAY.’

Rae’s soul practically left his body.

’This damn system really is trying to get me killed.’

He wasn’t even mad about the boob part anymore. That was great. But the consequences? The end goal?

He was a goblin. A little green bastard.

And now the system was shaping him up like some pocket-sized sex-powered protagonist destined to throw hands with the Goblin King himself.

’System, bro. That guy’s lackey turned Alex into zombie chow. And you want me—the grief-goblin titty sniffer—to fight his boss?!’

This wasn’t a shounen arc. This was a hentai suicide speedrun.

His hands twitched.

’...150 lust points, though.’

His mind wandered back toward Lyra’s tent, his face darkening with dread.

’Nope. Not doing this.’

Rae shook his head violently, panicked—

BBRRRRRRTTTT

And promptly motorboated Melissa’s melons by accident.

[Side Quest Completed!]

[Reward: 150 Lust Points.]

’WHAT THE—?!’

’WHAT THE FUCK?!’

His head shot up like a man being resurrected by divine horror.

His eyes were wide, his face pale, and his soul? Probably floating ten feet above the tent wondering how it all went so wrong.

Melissa blinked in confusion as Rae tore himself away from her cleavage like it had bit him.

"What happened, Rae?"

She asked, gently, worried.

He just stared at her—horrified, like he’d looked into the abyss and found it jiggled back.

To Melissa, it looked like a grief relapse.

Maybe he’d just remembered Alex’s slow zombie-death.

Maybe the sadness was too much.

But before she can do anything, he just stood up and ran.

"Oh, Rae..."

She called out softly as he bolted from the tent.

He ran.

Full-on sprinted like his nipples were on fire.

As he dashed past Celeste’s tent, both Celeste and Laila saw him zoom by like a green streak of shame.

They exchanged glances, Laila raised an eyebrow.

Neither bothered to chase him.

Probably thought it was a grief fart emergency.

But Rae was panicking for real.

’TWO HUNDRED LUST POINTS.’

’I just... accidentally... got TWO HUNDRED. Without even trying.’

No schemes. No clever words. Just... tits.

’This is too easy. This is suspiciously easy.’

’I’m not supposed to level up like this. There’s a catch. There’s gotta be a catch!’

’System, are you fattening me up?!’

’Are you turning me into a goblin veal before throwing me to the fuckin’ GOBLIN KING?!’

The realization hit him harder than Alex got hit by that darkness-juiced spear.

’This isn’t hentai anymore. This is trap hentai. I’m being baited with boobs... and soon, I’ll be choking on death.’

Rae didn’t stop running until he was in the middle of the forest, gasping, panting, and glaring up at the sky.

"System... just tell me..."

"Is this... a setup?"

[New Side Quest Available!]

[Suck on her nipples]

[Reward: 250 Lust Points]

"..."

"...YOU EVIL FUCKING AI."

Rae cursed at the skies, middle finger pointed high like it was the sword of rebellion.

"FUCK YOU, SYSTEM! FUCK YOU AND YOUR STUPID SIDE QUESTS!"

And he ran. Like a madman trying to outrun fate itself.

’I just wanna be a happy little pervert!’

’Play with boobs, snuggle thighs, and maybe get a titjob while watching the sunset—not fight some dark soul steroid goblin king who slaps heroes into comas!’

But Rae was stupid. And Rae had taken a left turn.

A stupid left turn.

The kind of left turn that gets horror movie characters eaten in the first five minutes.

He kept running, pushing past trees and vines and ominous warning signs from the universe, until—

Ding!

[The Creator has a message for you...]