Dungeon? This Tree? Why Don't You Join Me for Lunch? (Dungeon Core)
Chapter 21: The King

Chapter 21: Chapter 21: The King

Now, it would have been naive of me to expect I could just cook for the soldiers and never come face to face with Solas. Not just naive, but hopeful.

My hopes were crushed, as the blonde man parked himself near the general, took a mug cake meant for another soldier, and snatched the fork from the general, who just smirked.

My eyes widened.

Oh.

"You are a nymph," the king said, taking a bite of the only thing which could save me now: sugar... mixed in with chocolate.

"Yes, but my organs are bad. I... smoke," to try to sell the lie, I even coughed once or twice.

It was forced, no one was going to buy it, but I still gave my best impression of the sound donkeys make after their reins had been pulled too hard.

"You smoke," the king said, helping himself to another bite. "Doran, why don’t you give the nymph a cigar?"

The general, who apparently was named Doran, shrugged, and then took out a box with the fattest and foul-smelling cigars I had ever seen.

There was a tiny voice in my head which repeated a simple, and grammatically incorrect, mantra: Me not want!

"I shouldn’t smoke while I cook. What if the ash falls into the food?" It could have been my way out, yes, but for the small detail that I was not cooking anymore.

The last batch of mug cakes was spinning in the microwave rune. I just needed to do the cleanup.

Darn it all to hell! They wanted to ruin my organs or harvest them and coming here was stupid and I...

"What are you going to make?" The traitor, Doran, asked.

I resisted the urge to ask him if he had not eaten enough. Definitely more than the rest.

I racked my brain for anything that would not upset the stomach after the food I had made. Stuffed onions with beef, rice... I think I made them spicy.

Yeah, and then the mug cakes, which had baking soda inside. Not too much, but they had set up the stage.

I looked at the leftover crates. There were plenty of apples in them.

An apple a day keeps the healer away!

Let us hope that the chemical mix in the stomach of my new brethren won’t end up becoming into something that comes out more pee than poop.

"Sliced apple!"

The king’s fork froze in the air. I could see that there was a melted chocolate piece in that morsel.

Doran began to chuckle, took out one of his cigars, and lit it.

My nose began to twitch. Man, that stank to high heaven!

"Sliced apple?" Solas finally asked.

"Yes!"

I looked at the heavens.

Then at Solas.

The thing about fruit was that the charm of it came from it being sliced. You could tell a kid to eat a whole apple, but it will eat just half.

Slice it up, make the slices pretty, and the kid will eat the entire apple and want another!

The knife I chose was perfect for such work. Not too big, with gorgeous vine decorations on the handle. But not where that would make the grip impossible.

Goblin make. But no one needed to know about that.

My movements were fast. Everyone could cup up an apple slowly. Make some small talk.

But I was sure that the king did not care for small talk.

No, he wanted my heart. And even if I were still young and could appreciate his many charms, which to my old as dirt brain just looked like the good points of someone who cared about their health, he did not want my heart the fun way.

But I had to conquer his!

As I placed the star-shaped slices in the bowl, and drizzled the entire thing with honey, I found religion.

I prayed, remembering the name of the God Methuselah had tried to make me follow. Then, for good measure, I began to offer bribes!

The usual stuff: I will go to a temple, I will make a donation, I will sell my soul and spread your drivel...

I heard thunder in the distance.

Ok, so the last part was a bit too much.

Solas speared the apple slice so, as if it had a nymph’s heart. He ate it, then, without chewing, he speared another slice, bringing it to Doran’s lips.

Doran chuckled, wrapped an arm around Solas, and took the slice.

They were not even trying to hide! Man... and the soldiers weren’t saying a word!

The two began to chew at the same time. Letting me stew in my own fear juices as Solas would take a slice, place it in his mouth, and then feed Doran a slice.

Soon, the bowl was empty.

I had already filled up five more bowls. Man, the things a person could do when they were at the doorstep of a panic attack...

"Nymph," Solas said, as he licked his lips, leaning into Doran. "What do you think about the war?"

I wanted to just run away.

The git had a truth pendant! I could see it shining around his neck!

"You will win," I believed in that, to a point. Solas raised his eyebrows. The pendant did not bing. "Because I will not let you lose!"

"And why is that?" the king asked, as I was just trying to breathe in and out.

"Because you are evil," I decided that since I could not lie anyway, it might be for the best if I just said the truth. "But King Alexios is worse."

"Oh, the lesser of two evils," Solas said with a grin, his blue eyes becoming harsh. "And you think..."

"Bunny, if you force me to march on biscuits and rotten potatoes, I will stop coming to your tent at night," Doran said so, as if the most powerful man in the country was not readying himself for the tantrum of the century.

Solas turned to Doran, eyed him from head to toe, then snorted.

"I can just get Bran-Bran back," he said, but I could smell the uncertainty in his voice.

His truth pendant activated.

Solas narrowed his eyes, stood up, and began to drag Doran away.

Probably to his tent. I did not care.

Doran had to survive!

And the soldiers had to get their apple slices. It was only fair!