Divinity Rescue Corps
124- You Moist Towelette

The day had been pleasant and breezy, and the night kept pace. Although dew had appeared all over, it wasn’t yet too cool. Fairy Poppins certainly didn’t think so, the way she was splayed out spread-eagle in my hands and working at her clit furiously while giving me the most wanton face imaginable.

Holy shirt.

“Poppins,” I said, “we can’t—”

“You don’t know!” She grunted, continuing to plunge fingers into herself and work her clit in circles. “You don’t know what it’s like. You’re so… fracking… big… and you’re always fracking the rest of them… all the… fracking… time. Ugh. You’re balls deep in all of them, and I can’t do anything but watch, and… ohhhhh. Poppy needs that cock, Fletcher. Now that you can finally understand me, you’re gonna give… me that… big old dick.”

“Look, I promise we will, but not like this.” I was five times her size. It just anatomically wouldn’t work. I was using all my Adaptability just to be under two feet tall. No amount of stretching was going to result in anything but a massacre.

“At least let me see it. I need to see it.” Her hand continued to rotate around her pussy in small circles, and her ass rose and fell like she were forking a phantom cock.

I wasn’t entirely sure what I was doing right now, but the lewd act and her words were having an effect. My body was responding of its own accord.

“If I do, will you lay off Cinzy?”

“Ugh…” she grunted. Arching her back brought that tiny little pussy up closer to my face, and I could now make out a blonde thatch of hair. “Just lemme see it. Right now!”

“You need to promise,” I told her, “otherwise this stops now.”

“No! No! I’m close…” She trailed off into a series of groans and grunts, and I could feel her body gyrating in my hands. She started whining. “Poppy never gets any relief. Nobody ever comes after Poppy. Or gets horny thinking about her.”

“I’ve been raising my stats for you,” I half lied. “In a few levels I think we could be the same size.”

Honestly, I did not want to satiate this little monster. She was being really selfish in taking out her frustrations on Cinzy when the Bard couldn’t do anything about the situation at all. What she’d done instead? She’d run off to tell Cinzy I was having sex with Ivy and Isabelle, getting Cinzy mad at me. You could argue that ‘Poppy’ was the reason Cinzy had freaked out and left. Then, she’d hung around me, essentially abandoning her bond mate. I couldn’t imagine what had led to that decision; if Vellenia wanted something, I wanted it. If Shakindria needed something, I was there to give it to her. The mere thought of breaking my bond with Vellenia had caused me actual distress. Was I really about to devote even more of my skill points to this selfish, horny little fairy?

Compare this with Shakindria: even stuck in a town she didn’t need to save, even knowing that saving her town would mean they’d put her back to thankless work, she’d agreed to help without any kind of reward. I couldn’t—wouldn’t—break my bond with Vellenia in order to bond her, but bonding me was the only thing she wanted. She was using her reprieve from a life of joyless work to make sure she could do more of it.

“Show me!”

“Promise,” I hissed. The memory of what I’d done to Chrysta, who absolutely didn’t deserve that treatment, invaded. “Promise me you’ll wait.”

She frowned, but couldn’t stop herself from humping the air “Fine! Fine! I promise! Now get out that big, fat, juicy cock for Poppy.”

I couldn’t believe I was about to do this. The disconnect between her cuteness and her words and actions was so sharp and severe it was really messing with me.

Fishing around one-handed, I finally got my pants undone and got myself free and in the open.

“Now,” she gasped, once I told her I’d done it, “get me down there. I want to see that monster. Ohhhh… ohh Poppy’s close.”

Shrunk down as I was, and enlarged a little as she was, it was still kind of wild the size difference. My member was still about half the size of her current self.

“There it is! Oh my gods that is enormous. And gorgeous. Ohhhhh,” she groaned, and started thrashing in my hand. Her climax came on suddenly ended with her languidly snuggling my one finger.

I found myself annoyed with her. She was being pushy, like a fracking Karen trying to get her way at a store, badgering the workers even though they didn’t set prices or policy.

On the other hand, I did not have a single solitary clue what it meant to have no one who could understand you, no one to touch you, and the only person who could communicate routinely having sex with someone and griping at you. That had to be unfortunate and hard to handle.

“Poppy…” I said.

She got up, flung herself forward, and wrapped her body around my shaft. Locking her ankles around it and snuggling the head, which she began licking. The wrongness of it was even more than what I’d experienced with Chrysta. My full size was bigger around than her whole torso. To her this was like hugging a tree trunk.

“You need to remember your promise.”

“Okay,” she said in a wistful tone. “Just give me a minute with Mr. D.”

“I’m serious.”

“So am I!” she called up at me. “All the other girls get to sample this, and so do I! You better do whatever skill point stuff you need to, and fast.”

Reluctantly, she let go and I got myself presentable again before going full size again. An insistent Poppy zipped up in front of my face, pointed at me, pointed at herself, and mimicked humping in midair. It would’ve been hilarious if not for the last few strange, aggravating, and weirdly arousing minutes.

“You have to keep your side of the bargain first, for at least a week.”

She crossed her arms over her chest and flew off. I could see why Cinzy could get into fights with her.

Back in my place, Cinzy sleepily let me know that she’d found something. At least, she thought she had. Without the enlarge spell, it would take some doing.

“We’ll etch it into wood.”

“Can Trent—”

“No,” I interrupted. I had a bad feeling Trent was one new order away from abandoning ship. “Trent’s overworked. He’s not thrilled with me asking him to make a wall in front of the town entrance in order to fence our patient in.”

“I can convince him,” she said.

Cringing internally, I tried the gentlest way possible to refuse this offer. I knew she wanted to use her abilities, but for stuff like this it felt like cheating. Once the ability wore off, Trent might not take magical manipulation well, and the result could be the same.

Congratulations! You have reached level 25 in [unique class]!

You have graduated from Initiate to [non-established tier]!

This again.

“What’s that stupid grin for?” Cinzy asked, smiling tiredly.

“Oh nothing… I just reached level 25 in my second class.”

She shot up from where she’d been laying on my couch. “Whaaaaaaat?”

It was class evolution time.

[standard UI greeting for class evolution: true]

You did it! Give yourself a high five, but not on the face.

Could you not for like five minutes?

Someone’s being even more of a wet blanket than usual. It’s cause for celebration!

There is so much to get through. I would prefer it if we could avoid this inane kerfuffle each and every time a window is opened.

Have it your way…

Ahem, where was I? Oh yes… Reaching level 25 is a significant milestone in the journey of each and every adventurer. You have [insert several sentences detailing actions of unique unknown class here]. You have discovered that [inspirational and profound statement about previously unique and unknown class].

As such, you may evolve your job class from [unique and previously unknown class]. Though your base class of [unique and previously unknown class] will still be [will not be] visible to others—

The window fuzzed, pixelated, fuzzed again, and vanished. In its place were a pair of new windows, but not UI windows. Instead these were magical portals, or scrying windows. Yes, that was definitely it… the kinds of communications windows Alan was trying to learn.

In one, a gruff and clearly no-nonsense elderly man’s face. The other showed a woman’s face. She had kinky and poofy brown hair with a single shock of white, severe features, and a nose that could’ve been used as a knife.

“Who are you and what’s just happened?” The man started, before baring his teeth in a snarl. “JOCINDA!”

“Claudius,” she said, grinning.

“Where are you?” He squinted, as if looking behind her for clues as to her whereabouts from the background.

“Excuse me?” I asked, and was roundly ignored. I was about to witness a mess of historical proportions.

“When I find you,” he snarled, “I will put you in a circle of infinite torment, do you hear me? For every single idiotic thing you ever said when we were making this insane—“

“Ohhhh don’t give me that nonsense, Claudius,” she replied, beginning to curl her lip in a lazy smile. “You needed the best, and I was the best. We made this whole insane and beautiful monstrosity work, and without me you’d never have been able to do it.”

“Excuse me,” I said, louder this time.

“Don’t give me that!” He barked. “We could have been finished with it weeks before you declared the damnable thing done, if it weren’t for your insipid jokes and play acting at being a god.”

“My gods,” Jocinda said, with accompanying hefty sigh. “Will you ever dry out?”

Claudius pursed his lips which made them fully disappear into his mostly gray beard. “What in all the heavens and hells are you on about, you dread harpy?”

“Excuse me!” I called, still trying to maintain a shred of civility. These two were clearly the two different voices from the UI messages.

Wouldn’t you know it, they just kept right on ignoring me.

It wasn’t difficult to gather that she was some kind of system-building guru, but she’d wanted to enjoy playtime while she did. Claudius, meanwhile, had no time or energy for what he saw as her nonsense.

“Ever the moist towelette, Claudius,” she sighed theatrically. She added an eye roll so slow, so pronounced, I could practically hear it. And given the way her eyes were sunken back in her skull but also bulged out somehow, it was quite the eye roll indeed. “Go back to my castle, why don’t you, you sopping dishrag, the castle I specifically built with my vast knowledge and power, and pretend like you’re doing a shred of good up there.”

“The Devil’s shriveled testicles I will! Consider the hunt resumed! I’m sending every single agent to root you out—”

“Would you two stop it!” I shouted.

They froze and seemed to realize I was there.

“Now,” I said. “You’ll need to tell me why you’re here and what we need to do to make you go away. I’m busy, you’re busy doing… whatever it is you do, and you’re busy trying to find her for whatever reason. Let’s do the thing and I won’t have to look at you, or listen to you jabber.”

Jocinda grinned, her eyes hooded. It seemed I’d just earned her respect… or at least amused her. The bearded old man huffed in annoyance with one cheek twitching.

“I just reached level 25 in my class.”

Jocinda brought up a pair of wire rimmed spectacles. “A class that didn’t formerly exist, eh? And the name of this class… oh.” She threw back her head and began laughing uproariously.

“What? Hm, hrrr, ah…” Claudius burned red in the cheeks and fell silent as that same knowledge got to him.

“Well, it’s all yours, dear Claudius,” Jocinda said.

“I don’t, well, that is to say, erm, I…”

The frizzy-haired woman just laughed and laughed. I could hear her feet slapping against the floor over and over. She laughed until the tears came, and she massaged her cheeks.

It took some hemming and hawing before the two of them admitted that my class didn’t need the pop ups dealt with. It was five minutes of her trying to needle Claudius, and him just making noises like ‘hrf’ and ‘well’ and ‘hrm’ and such. Another minute with him explaining that maybe they didn’t need to do this after all. Surely my class was unique and was going to be forever, so there was no need to explain in vivid description what I’d done to reach level 25. Finally, they broke this strange magical Zoom call. 

The whole ordeal had been so surreal that I hadn’t realized Cinzy’s complete silence. I came out of the experience amazed, and in a bad way. Amused also. Those two hated one another. They had worked together, and the feud seemed to be an everlasting one.

Cinzy blinked. “Fletcher? Did something just happen?”

“What do you mean?”

She explained that it was like a time skip in movies, or bad editing. Suddenly I’d shifted in position just a bit, and the sounds went weird. I gave her a quick rundown of what had transpired, and we concluded that the two system architects had literally stopped time to allow that bizarre exchange to drag on for far too long.

Finally, I turned back to the UI message and explained to Cinzy what I was looking at.

Please choose amongst the following class evolutions:

*Sultan of Swinging

*Indulgent Consort

*Master of Puppets

*Phantasm’s Mask

I’d be going through all four of these in detail, just to be sure I wasn’t overlooking anything, but already I thought I had one I’d cross right off the list, Master of Puppets. Instead I opened up the first option, Sultan of Swinging.

Your pleasurable journey has been one of climactic peaks and luscious valleys, and in that time you have discovered that people come and people go. Pleasure is what links you to them. Friendship, love, and the dependence that comes from working with one another never lasts. Thus, you can embrace the fleeting and derive even more from it.

You have reached level 25 in your class, meaning you have traveled far, seduced and pleasured many, and learned the secrets of the turning on those whom you find attractive. You have engaged in sexual relations with more than 3 partners once and only once. You have engaged in sexual relations with more than 6 partners without officially declaring a relationship status with any of them.

The Sultan of Swinging gains advanced special ability progression and bonuses when seducing new partners, and additional experience for letting them fly free.

Note: some class abilities will be overwritten if you select this class.

Nothing about this option appealed to me. In fact, the insinuation that I didn’t want to be with any of the girls long term, and that not calling one of them my girlfriend was in some way a bad thing. This class evolution felt like something I’d only take if I was interested in myself and no one else.

“Big fat no there,” I muttered.

“Good call,” Cinzy said after I’d described the class to her. She placed a hand on my leg. “That sounds awful.”

Next was Indulgent Consort.

Pleasure might just be your middle name. You’ve swum in sensation, orchestrated orgasms, and practically bathed in bliss. Like you, the Indulgent Consort knows that partners are like a fine wine: the deeper the connection, the stronger the flavor.

You have reached level 25 in your class, meaning you have traveled far, seduced and pleasured many, and learned the secrets of the turning on those whom you find attractive. You have deepened relationships with at least 6 partners, and given those partners far more climaxes than you have received from them. The Indulgent Consort is adventurous: you have engaged in sex in a variety of locations and positions.

The Indulgent Consort gains advanced Qualities progression and relationship progression with pre-existing partners. Lastly, you and your partners gain bonuses when acting in concert, in and out of sexual pursuits.

Note: some class abilities will be overwritten if you select this class.

Okay that sounded far better. The third paragraph, with the bonuses I was about to receive, listed three different good things, and keeping my partners around was good for everybody all the time, if you excluded the Cinzy blow up. I was tempted to just choose this one straight away, but held off. I needed to see how crazy Master of Puppets might be.

They call them partners, but in reality they belong to you. These sexual servants are here to be guided, and you are that guiding hand. Your puppets may require praise, and at times they may require punishment. In one hand you hold the carrot, and the other the stick. Your slaves are yours, full stop. They exist to serve you. They are to be bent to your will.

You have reached level 25 in your class. You have given orders and those orders have been obeyed. You have engaged in punishment activities with sexual partners, withheld sex as quid pro quo at least once, and succeeded in getting partners to bend to your will through sex. You have engaged in rough sex.

The Master of Puppets gains advanced Quality and special ability progression. You gain additional benefits each time your sexual partners follow your commands.

Note: your class abilities and some Qualities will be overwritten if you select this class.

“Holy Moses,” I said. I could only stare at it, instead of reading it aloud to Cinzy. It was yet another class evolution that made me feel like a douche for it even appearing.

No, no, no no no. No thank you. Nope.

“What?” Cinzy asked.

“Nothing… this third option is definitely a no go.”

“What is it?”

“It’s… what you could be if you went real bad as a Bard.”

She wrinkled her nose in disgust.

I mean, obviously it would’ve been useful to simply take command of people and have them do whatever I wanted. No doubt about that, I’d have an easier time dealing with Fairy Poppins, and wouldn’t have the Cinzy situation repeat itself, where she just quit the team and ran off for weeks. But that would be at the cost of trust, and them liking me. Also, I wouldn’t be able to face myself having done it.

That didn’t even take into account the fact that all my current Pleasure Seeker abilities would be overwritten. Language in this UI was clear: all my current abilities would be gone, and replaced with gods knew what.

No, no way. I’d take the first one before I took this one.

“One more,” I said, and mentally clicked on Phantasm’s Mask.

As a seeker of pleasure and one who grants orgasm after orgasm, you have learned to be a little of everything. Pleasure Seekers know that with each partner, what constitutes ecstasy is a little different. As a Phantasm’s Mask, you learn how to fill the role in every partner’s fantasies. You fill it full to bursting.

You have reached level 25 in your class. You have satisfied the sexual kinks of at least a half dozen partners. You have engaged in sex acts with no fewer than 10 partners, each of whom you successfully brought satisfaction through pleasure. You have cultivated reputations with a humans and Nakamamon, and a wide variety at that.

The Phantasm’s Mask gains advanced Qualities progression, with both Illusion and Divination magic tied to satisfying your partners. Lastly, you gain bonuses when adopting the fantasy of your amorous partners.

Note: some class abilities will be overwritten if you select this class.

“Oh geez,” I breathed, and relayed what I might be getting to Cinzy.

This is Christopher reaching a fork in the road.

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