Defying the Rogue Alpha
Chapter 191: Grief

Chapter 191: Grief

Her brows pulled together. "What is it, Lucas?"

He hesitated for a second too long, and Ava’s heart began to race in her chest. "Nolan is dead," Lucas said finally, quietly. Just three words, but they crashed like thunder.

Ava gasped. Her whole body recoiled as if struck. "It was during the ambush, wasn’t it?"

Lucas gave a small nod, jaw clenched. "Yes."

"Oh my god... oh my god..." Her voice cracked. She blinked rapidly, but tears were already escaping, hot and insistent, dripping down her cheeks in traitorous silence. Nolan. "No one told me. Why didn’t anyone tell me?"

"We buried him before we left for the North," Lucas said gently, "but I thought you would want to know... he died protecting you."

And that broke her.

Ava’s legs nearly gave out under her. The weight of grief and responsibility was like a boulder crashing down. She had seen too much death lately but this one carved a hollow space in her. Nolan hadn’t just been a soldier; he was her soldier.

"Where?" she asked.

"The far end of the fortress," Lucas answered, "where we bury the soldiers who fell in the line of duty."

"I want to see him," she said immediately.

Lucas placed a steadying hand on her shoulder. "Okay. Get some rest first. You’ve been traveling all..."

"Now, Lucas," she snapped. "He died because of me. I’m not going to lounge around in a robe while someone who gave their life for mine lies in the dirt without a proper goodbye. I don’t care if my legs fall off. I need to see him."

Lucas lifted his hands in surrender. "Fine, fine!"

Lucas instructed the driver with a solemn nod. The car rolled slowly through the courtyard, past the training grounds and the barracks, until it reached a quieter, older part of the fortress grounds. The landscape shifted, the grass seemed more trimmed, the wind more reverent. This was where the brave were laid to rest.

When the car stopped, Lucas stepped out first and extended his hand to Ava, who took it with a quiet squeeze. He didn’t say anything, just led her past the rows of headstones, some marked with polished granite, others worn by time and weather. Eventually, they arrived at a freshly carved tombstone, its edges still crisp, the soil still sunken. Lucas pointed to the headstone. Gamma Nolan, Protector of the Luna. Loyal until death.

Ava’s breath caught in her throat.

Without a word, she fell to her knees before the headstone. Her legs folded beneath her almost automatically, like her body instinctively knew it needed to be as close to the earth as possible. As close to Nolan as possible.

She wept. Until her ribs cracked. Until her throat was raw and her soul was hoolowed out. Her tears flowed freely, mixing with the dirt beneath her fingers as she touched the base of the tombstone.

She regretted everything. Every single time she rolled her eyes when he insisted she stay close. Every sarcastic comment she’d thrown at him when he reminded her to never go out alone. The annoyed scoffs, the eye rolls.

The honour he’d given her by protecting her, by placing her life above his own, that trust, that sacrifice felt like a mountain on her chest now. And the memories? The ones where he joked with her even while secretly scanning the horizon for threats? Those were daggers now.

Lucas watched her silently, letting her cry until he couldn’t take the sight of her trembling anymore. He stepped forward, knelt beside her, and wrapped his arms around her shoulders, pulling her gently to her feet.

"Ava... come on," he murmured. He didn’t rush her, just steadied her.

She leaned against his chest, her sobs muffled against his shirt. "I used to drive him crazy, you know that?"

Lucas smiled faintly, smoothing her hair back from her face. "Yeah. But he loved you still. And I’m sure...no, I know...if he had the chance to protect you again, he would’ve given his life over and over and over."

That just broke the last of her fragile restraint. Her knees buckled again, and Lucas had to adjust to keep her upright. She buried her face in his chest and cried harder, her fingers gripping his coat.

Lucas sighed and held her close, letting her fall apart in the safety of his arms. After a moment. "Come on, babe. You need to rest."

"I can’t rest. Someone died because I..."

"You’re not going to do the guilt spiral thing, okay?" Lucas pulled back slightly so he could look her in the eyes. "You didn’t make him die. You didn’t fail him. He chose to protect you because he believed in you. So stop acting like his ghost is going to scold you from beyond the grave."

"I just..." Ava wiped her nose on her sleeve, eyes puffy. "I’m going to miss him."

"I know," Lucas whispered, kissing the top of her head. "I will too. But you’ve got me now. And unlike Nolan, I actually enjoy being driven crazy by you."

"Don’t say that," she sniffled. "You’ll regret it."

Lucas smirked. "Too late. Already whipped."

She leaned into his chest again. "Thank you for bringing me."

"Always," he said. "Now let’s get you back. Rest first, emotional breakdown part two later."

*****

Sarah had known this moment would come, the baby was on its way. She had felt the slow tightening in her belly all morning, the building pressure, creeping closer with every minute. But she held on, clenched her jaw, bit down hard on her lip. Not only from the searing pain but also from sheer, desperate fear. She gripped the cold metal headboard of the bed they had mercifully dragged into her cell, trying to find comfort in something solid. It didn’t help. Nothing helped.

She breathed in and out. Another sharp pang hit.

Then she heard footsteps. Echoing through the winding staircase, descending toward her. Fear slammed into her chest. She didn’t even have time to think. She wiped the sweat from her brow with her sleeve, adjusted the front of her dress as best she could over her swollen stomach, and sat up straighter on the edge of the bed. She squeezed her eyes shut and prayed to the high heavens that the contraction would kindly wait its turn.

The gate creaked open, and for a heartbeat she thought it might be the guards. Or worse, someone come to snatch the baby the moment it arrived. Her heart pounded. She lifted her gaze.

"Kade?!" she gasped.

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