Chapter 72: 72. Always

Thanks to Duke, I’m forced to rest today.

Well, I don’t think I can put the entire blame on him at this point. To be fair, last night, I was the one who asked for it. Of course I realized how starved he had been and how wrong it had been for me to ask such a starved man to make love to me. But it was much too late when I realized that.

He always talks about how much he wants me... I finally got to witness and partake in it and it was evident that his want for me was fiery and vehement.

And I didn’t realize until last night—

I didn’t realize how much my desire for him matched his own for me. The fact that I could not push him away even though I was exhausted, showed how much of a seducer he was, how easily I was to seduce, and how ready I was to be seduced.

It showed how much I had also dreamed sweet dreams of having him deep inside me and when he did take me, Lord have mercy on my dirty mind but, damn...

It was fire.

Just a touch was all it took to ignite the flames inside me. And this morning I realized that the same thing goes for him.

It only took a single touch from me to make him burn with desire and need for me.

Thinking about it now, I can feel my face heat up. The boldness and calmness at which I approached him this morning in the tub still baffles me.

Let’s say last night my head was a bit jumbled up, I was going through so much at that time... let’s say the boldness to step and ask him to make love to me came from the pain I was feeling.

But to be honest this morning, this morning that pain had almost died. The hurt from Rowan and Alicia was really not on the list of top five things I was thinking about while we were in that tub, so I can’t say my boldness came from the pain this time.

I just felt his touch and I found myself tempted to touch him too and so I turned around and I did and shocking myself further, I had the courage to even wrap my hand around his member as I kissed him. Stroking him rapidly with my hand until he pulled me atop him and thrust inside me.

Again, with a reckless abandon I found myself riding him without him even moving me. How I learnt to do that, I’m not even certain but I did it.

The more time I spend with duke the more new sides of myself I’m discovering.

Now I’m laying here on the bed next to him, watching him sleep beautifully. Have I ever watched him sleep? I don’t remember. I don’t think so.

But right now, I think he was right.

He was beautiful at night, yes... But a naked Duke is even more mesmerizing in the afternoon sun.

He’s sleeping so soundly that I feel like disturbing his sleep.

How can anyone be so beautiful?

I swear I can spend all day staring at his face and I’ll only want to stare more.

How can someone like this love me? What exactly does he love about someone as plain as myself? Normal black hair, black eyes, even though he argues that it’s just a dark shade of brown, not tall not short, not slim not fat, completely broke when he met me, suicide attempter, not so beautiful, not so bright either, seeing how I’ve let people play me like a fiddle all my life.

So what exactly does Duke Grand, a man who is from a line of riches and basked in riches of his own... What does he see in me that makes him treat me like I am more than I actually am?

Why does he always try to make me think highly of myself?

What could such a handsome man, an excellent father, brother and son see in plain old me that he looks at me with eyes that hold nothing but the desire to love, possess and protect?

What could he see in me that even though he knows how broken I am physically, mentally, emotionally, externally and internally, yet he still adores me the way he does?

I don’t know what it is, but I really hope he keeps seeing that thing in me.

However, I wonder if it will remain that way forever. Will he always want me with the same passion? Will he always burn for me just as he has been doing all this while?

I know many might think it’s a useless thought, but what if really in the later future he gets tired of me? What will happen then? Is it really alright for me to rely on him this much?

Is it not even too late to ask that now?

As it stands now, Duke is like the pillar holding me up. I’ve come to rest and rely on him so much that if he so much as cracks, I will fall and shatter to the ground.

Will I be okay then?

We said we wanted to make this a real marriage but even real marriages end in divorce sometimes. So what if a time comes and he wants to divorce me?

If such a time ever comes, it will only be right that I let him go, right? It will only be right that I show gratitude for all the love he has shown me and let him go.

So maybe I should start preparing myself now. In case of such a time. Maybe I should be less attached, because we don’t know what the future holds.

But one thing is certain though, if that day ever comes, and I end up letting him go... I will not be the same again. And unlike previous times, I don’t think it would be easy for me to love again.

That’s why I hope...

I selfishly hope that such a day will never come.

...

Sitting on a stool in the dining area of the kitchen, with my legs folded up and my laptop on the slab before me, I had stepped out of the room because I didn’t want to disturb him with the clicking sound of my keyboard.

But when I wanted to sit on a couch, I remembered it was the very same one we had tangled on last night and the memories came rushing back to me making me heat up afresh.

So I moved to a different couch, but even there I kept on looking at the fireplace, remembering how he had taken me on the floors again and again.

In the end I decided to sit in the kitchen dining area. That way I can get that view out of my head and focus on my work.

"What are you doing?" I hear his voice.

"Oh, you’re awake." I say without taking my eyes and hands off my laptop.

He wraps his hand around my body from behind me. And rests his chin on my shoulder.

"Gold foods?" He mutters.

"Yeah. It’s the project lineup for the next two years." I say with my eyes still scrolling through the words on my screen.

"And?" He asks.

"I’m going to take it all away." I simply say.

"I see."

"Yes, at first I really wasn’t taking this revenge thing seriously, but right now, I’ve decided that I’m going to make sure they all suffer."

Yeah, I’ve thought about it from last night to this morning. And I want them to pay. And I will make them pay.

"I will make them suffer by stripping them of every single thing they have to their name before sending them to jail, penniless and miserable."

"Really?"

"Yes." I nod. "Half of the project ideas were mine to begin with and as for those that were the ideas of others, I intend to recruit them into Harford. If we can put the projects into action before them, and launch them too, they will have no case against us."

"Do you think you’ll be able to recruit the others who proposed the ideas for the projects?" He asks.

"Alicia might be a sweetheart to men, but she is a bitch to women. And from what I heard and saw while I was still there, a nasty boss to the female employees. Luckily enough, five out of eight of the projects that were selected were proposed by women. I think bringing them over to my side will be easy if I promise them a better salary and a better boss."

"I see." He nods.

I move my hand from the keyboard and place them on his arms instead. I turn my head to stare at him and ask, "You’ll support me, right?"

A smile curls up his lips and, "Always." He says and his lips take mine.

Dear God, once again, I ask for strength.

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