Contract Marriage starring Love and Revenge
Chapter 63. What was my fault?

Chapter 63: 63. What was my fault?

It all began when I started having constant stomach aches. At first I ignored it any time I felt the pain in my stomach. I ruled it out to be indigestion, hunger, over-eating or something more simple. But then the stomach aches continued, they intensified and they became more regular.

To the point where I would faint at times. The pain was worse than menstrual cramps.

Because of my busy schedule, I didn’t have time to go to a hospital for a checkup so I had my secretary get me simple stomach ache medicines.

I was constantly using them to subdue the pain. The first one he got me wasn’t potent enough so I asked him to get me something stronger and he did.

I continued with those drugs until one day while I was at home the pain hit me, I had run out of the stomach ach drugs. My stomach was killing me, the room was spinning, my head was aching and the next thing I knew I was waking up on my bed with Rowan by my side.

He said he had found me laying on the kitchen floor where I had passed out.

He asked me questions as a doctor, not as a husband. But foolishly enough, at that time I was happy because it seemed to me that he was worried about me and I was happy that he was sitting next to me and talking to me because we hadn’t seen each other for a while due to our busy schedules.

After answering his questions, he told me he was going to take a sample of my blood to run some tests and he did. He was my husband and my doctor. I was happy he was caring for my well-being. It had been a long time since he gave me so much attention.

Not that I was complaining at that time. I new and understood the nature of his job, so I really didn’t complain. But I was still happy he was giving me attention.

One afternoon in the next week, he called me over to his workplace. I had meetings throughout that day and if I was going to go see any other normal doctor, I would have definitely told him I couldn’t make it.

But it wasn’t just any doctor... He was my husband. I was ecstatic that he wanted to see me even though I knew it was something about the tests he said he would run.

I was able to push back some of my meetings and made time to go see him. I remember in the car on the way to the hospital, I put on lipstick, a little mascara and powdered my face so I could look presentable to him.

We weren’t going on a date or anything, I just wanted to look good for him. I was going to his workplace after all. I didn’t want to embarrass him.

I got to his office that afternoon and that’s when he told me.

I had cancer.

He said that was what his diagnosis was. That was the reason for the constant stomach pain, it was the reason I was always nauseated, it was the reason I was having trouble swallowing food lately.

I had cancer.

I could not believe it.

I didn’t want to.

I was scared to.

I could already see my life slowly being zapped away from my grip. I was already starting to imagine how I’d slowly wither away and die.

After all I had been through, after losing my parents as a child, I too was going to die.

But then he walked around his desk, and he held my hand and kissed me. He said "We’ll get through this together. That’s why I’m here. I’m your husband. It’s a good thing we detected on time. I’ll make sure your surgery is scheduled as soon as possible and you will be back to normal in no time."

It was the first time in a long time that his voice and gaze towards me had been so soft. I was sad and troubled about my cancer, but I was happy that at least, it helped me prove that Rowan loved me dearly.

Just like he had promised. The surgery was scheduled for two weeks later, he signed the papers as my guardian and without bothering to read the contents of the medical papers because it was my husband who was giving it to me, and because he was the one who was well-knowledge in the medical line, I signed without hesitation.

Throughout the days that led to the operation, Rowan treated me kindly. He would buy me gifts, spend time with me, and unlike the times where I’d almost have to beg him to touch me, he’d willingly come to me and make love to me. And he’d lay with me for hours, stroking me, caressing me, whispering words of assurance to me.

Telling me I had nothing to worry about. Telling me that it was all going to be alright.

To be honest, I thought it was the happiest time of my life. I’d never been happier.

Finally, the date of the surgery came. He wasn’t the one doing the surgery personally. It was a fellow doctor who was a friend of his. I knew the guy, but I was a bit worried because I thought Rowan would be the one in charge of the surgery.

I was also worried about something else...

The silent exchange between the two of them. At that time I thought they were being that way because the surgery was probably a risky one and I was scared. But now I know... that was not the reason at all.

Again, Rowan tried to assure me that the surgery would go well, and he kissed me as I was being led to the operation theater.

I still remember how I felt that day when his hand slipped out of mine and I watched him fade out of view, away from my reach.

Terror.

Immense terror.

But then I would think back to his words, "You’re going to be fine. Everything is going to be fine. I love you Chammy, just hang in there." and my entire system would become calm.

That was how I went through with the surgery.

And I came out successfully.

About two months after the surgery, I noticed something strange.

I wasn’t seeing my period.

At first I was glad thinking I might be pregnant, but then I did the pregnancy test using a strip... There was nothing. I didn’t have time to spare, but I still needed to confirm so I went to the hospital and conducted a quick pregnancy test. That too showed I was not pregnant.

Four months after the surgery, I still didn’t see my period so I told Rowan about it. And that’s when he explained to me that...

"Oh, I forgot to explain the after effects of the surgery to you." He had said, "For some months, you won’t see your period. The after effects are different for men and women. For men, their sperm release will be reduced drastically for some months after the surgery, while for women, their monthly blood flow either reduces or stops entirely for some months. The longest time for the side effects is a year, so don’t worry, you’ll be back to full health before or by a year’s time."

I believed.

I had no doubt.

I had no reason to doubt.

He was my husband, he was the man I was in love with, the man I believed was in love with me too, and more importantly, between the two of us, he was the doctor.

There was nothing to doubt.. His words, his explanation sounded reasonable.

And besides, "Well I guess that will mean a year free from wicked menstrual cramps, I think I’ll like to have this surgery again." was what I had said.

How foolish of me.

I didn’t crosscheck with anyone else. I didn’t even browse the internet about it... I was a busy woman who believed everything her beloved husband told her.

When I told Duke that I was perfectly fine now, and that I didn’t have cancer anymore, I left out this detail. I left it out because although it’s been way over a year since I had the surgery and stopped seeing my period, I still had a little faith in Rowan...

If not as a partner, but as a doctor. A professional doctor, who gave me a diagnosis and I believed him.

I believed eventually my menstrual flow would begin again very soon.

So I didn’t think it was necessary to tell him that detail.

How laughable I am.

My life has been a joke.

All the time I spent with Rowan was a total joke. One that I didn’t even find funny because until now I never really saw the joke I was made into.

What was my fault?

Loving?

Trusting?

Believing?

What exactly did I do wrong? Why would anyone take something so precious from a person? Why would, why would he do that to me?

Did I offend him in anyway? Why would he lie to me that I have cancer just to make me undergo a surgery that would keep me from having children for the rest of my life!!

Why?!!

Dear God, why? Why did you let this happen to me? Was this my punishment? Punishment for not listening to your warnings? Punishment for taking steps without you? Why, God, why?

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