Contract Marriage starring Love and Revenge
Chapter 60. I see God in him

Chapter 60: 60. I see God in him

Intentional...

What does that word mean?

Do I really understand the depth of his words?

When he’s telling me he doesn’t want me to come to him impulsively, when he’s saying he wants me to be intentional, what does that mean?

Something deliberate, something to be done after thorough thinking. Something planned and done purposely. Not just on a whim but voluntary and with all readiness.

So he’s saying he wants me to come to him when I finally feel all these things? Not just because I’m scared to lose him, but because I, with all sincerity desire to have him.

That’s what he’s saying.

I don’t even know what to say.

He has that effect on me. With others, I have so many things to say but I was always too timid to respond. But with Duke, I just... I just really become short of words. No... I am at a complete loss of words.

He’s too good to be real.

"Alright." I say the only words I can think of at the moment and give him a smile.

He returns my smile with one on his face as he tucks some loose strands behind my ear, "Now to bring out your intentionality, I’ve come up with a solution." He says.

"Solution? What kind of solution?" I ask.

"Simple. I got the idea from you actually." He says, and now I’m curious what kind of solution could he be talking about?

"From me?" He nods, "What is it?"

"Move into my room."

...

Since I was already late, Duke suggested that I spend the rest of the day at home. Of course I refused, but he used the twins to cajole me and that’s how I ended up staying at home.

"So tell me Champagne, how has marriage life been so far?" Mary asks. Duke just went out with the twins to get some ice-cream. They didn’t let me tag along.

"Oh look at how you blush." She giggles.

"I’m not blushing." I say with the back of my hands on my cheeks.

"Yes you are. Has it been that good?" She teases me further.

"Well, you’re the one looking at me. You tell me. Does it seem good?" I decide to indulge her.

"Well, from what I can see outwardly, Yes darling. This marriage looks good on you." She nods and I do too.

"I think so too." I confess. There’s no point in denying it. Anyone who knew me when I was with Rowan and sees me now would be able to tell the difference. Even I can tell it.

I didn’t know such a thing existed when I was with Rowan, and that was because I was completely blinded by my love for him.

However, having tasted the care and attention of someone else, I can boldly say there are huge differences and changes in me.

"Mary, I was always of this belief that all I was getting from Rowan was enough. I never for once thought differently." I let out a soft chuckle as a piece of memory from my life with Rowan flashes before my eyes.

"I felt all men would give that same amount of attention and show their affection in a certain way I had decided to believe Rowan was showing his."

To think I really thought this way at one point in time makes me realize how much I truly loved him. Deeply... I had loved Rowan, I really had.

"Because he was your husband?" She asks.

I shake my head, "Because he was the man I was in love with. Blindly in love with." It’s true. "I believe the ideal man was Rowan. I didn’t for once think I could have anyone better, nor did I believe anyone like that even existed." True, I really didn’t consider that anyone better than Rowan was something possible. I had this blind belief that he was perfect, that nothing was wrong with his actions at all. Even when he acted suspiciously, or acted harshly, I didn’t count it as such.

Only now, after going through all that happened do I find myself reminiscing back to those times and thinking about them as suspicious and harsh behaviors.

"But?" She asks.

"But with Duke, I’ve come to realize how enormously wrong I was." I shrug.

"Do you know?" She suddenly asks.

"Know what?"

"Your eyes light up every time you say his name." She says and now I know I’m blushing even without her pointing it out. I bury my face in my palm and squeal.

"Oh Mary, Duke is on a whole different level. You can’t even imagine." I grab both her hands as I talk. "He pays attention to every little detail. Even the ones I don’t think of as important. He listens to things I say and doesn’t just laugh it off as minor jokes of a woman. He takes me into consideration before he does things."

Oh, how do I explain it to her?

I suddenly rise to my feet, not being able to express myself while seated.

How do I explain how much this marriage has lifted me emotionally, and spiritually.

Whenever I think about where I’m coming from, I can’t help but thank God for bringing me out of there. It felt cruel at that time because I didn’t know he had better plans for me. I wondered why he let such bad things happen to me, but I didn’t realize the bed of roses he had laid down in front of me was in the form of Duke Grand.

"When_when it’s time to talk seriously with me, he talks seriously," I explain with my hands and whole body, "and when he plays with me he plays wholeheartedly, not like he’s being forced to spend time with me. When I ask questions, he doesn’t wave it off like my words mean nothing, he takes his time to explain it to me and if it’s something he doesn’t want me to know about he’ll gently let me know he’ll tell me about it eventually, just not at the moment... Oh dear God, Mary, little things! Little, little things he does!"

"They matter."

"Exactly Mary! I didn’t realize that until I met him. I didn’t realize how little things could lift a person’s spirit. I didn’t realize how much they matter!"

"But now you do." She says and I walk back to her and nod vigorously.

"I do." I move some steps away from her again, "You know, I once had the time to watch a bollywood movie. And in that movie, a woman made a statement that I didn’t understand for a long time. Not until I met Duke, I mean."

"What did she say?"

"She said, she saw her god in her husband. In his actions, his words, and his entire demeanor." I remember those words perfectly, "Mary, after meeting Duke, I finally understand what that woman meant." I turn my back to her as I explain. "She had complete respect and love for her god and every action her husband made brought forth that same kind of respect and love from her towards him."

"Mary," I face her again.

"Yes?"

"I see God in Duke. Every action he makes keeps reminding me of the unconditional love of God for humans. Every word he says keeps eliciting respect from me. The kind of respect I show only to God. I totally understand what that woman meant in that movie."

"Oh Champagne! You have no idea how much you’re radiating right now." She says while shaking her head.

"Oh and, sweet Jesus in heaven, the twins!" I suddenly exclaim.

"Those little angels."

"Oh Mary, you must understand. You’ve been with them longer than I have. The more I spend time with them, the more I want to be a better mother for them. It’s so beautiful how he has raised them so far... So polite, so sweet... so_so_ so angelic! I like how he is with them and I love how they love him. And I love how they’ve come to open up to me."

"Oh Champagne,"

"To be honest at first I didn’t think much about it. When I entered this marriage, I didn’t think much about what becoming their mother meant. But as time went by I started to realize what those words meant. At some point doubt crept into my heart. I started asking myself, could I ever be one of them? Would they really see me as one of them? Will they see me as a real mother? Will they ever learn to love me with half the love they have for Duke, for Alan, for Gio... even for you.

"Oh Champagne, they love you."

"I know that now. I can see it. I’m not so blind that I cannot tell that they’ve come to trust me. You know what’s more baffling is how they easily call me mummy. They just say it like it’s the most natural thing in the world."

"Because it is, Champagne. What could be more natural than children calling their mother mummy?!"

"Oh but Mary, you know—"

"I know what you’re about to say. But the twins don’t seem to know that and your husband doesn’t look like he plans on telling them anything other than you are their mummy. So of course, you are their mother." Oh Mary "You do love them as a mother would, don’t you?" She asks.

"Oh Mary, that’s not even a question. I don’t know how or why I just feel this bond with them. Maybe it’s because they call me mummy so effortlessly, or because Duke is their father, and I’m married to him. I just don’t know, but I do love them. I love them beyond the usual love I have for kids."

"Then you have all the right to receive the love they give you."

"Thank you, Mary."