Contract Marriage starring Love and Revenge
Chapter 152. Side Story 16: Alan’s inner conflict

Chapter 152: 152. Side Story 16: Alan’s inner conflict

She was not prepared for this at all.

How could he say these things to her?

"You think I’m merely fond of you and so you want me to go off to college and find someone my age because you solely believe what I feel for you is nothing but child’s play?" it hurt, it hurt more than when she slammed a car door against her finger in middle school.

"Janey I didn’t—"

"Is that really what you want? You want me to go away and fall in love with someone new? Sincerely? Answer me!"

"Janey I—"

"You are such a coward." Janey said with red eyes, fighting all the devils that were trying to push tears down her eyes. "I didn’t realize this before but I see it now. Just because you can’t put a name on your feelings, you’ve decided to twist mine into mere childish fondness."

Alan opened his mouth to say something but no words came out before she spoke again.

"Well listen up mister, how you feel is your business, but you have no right to tell me what my feelings are when you can’t even define yours!" Dear God help her but she could no longer fight those devils. The tears were now streaming down.

"Janey don’t—"

"I’m sorry if I’ve burdened you with my feelings but it’s the first time I’ve ever sincerely loved and pursued anyone so I hope you accept my apology."

"Janey come on let’s—"

"Stop the car Alan." She said as she fiercely wiped the tears from her face with the back of her hand.

"Janey you—"

"Please!" She screamed. "Please just— just stop the car. I want to walk the rest of the way home." again she wiped the tears that flowed down her face as she screamed.

He let out a sigh and turned his hands on the wheel.

As soon as he brought the car to a halt, she reached for the door but then paused, "Thank you for the ice-cream. It was truly the best like you said. Good bye Alan. I won’t be bothering you from now on."

She stepped out of the car and even though he thought she’d slam the door because of her anger, to his surprise, she politely closed it. And he sat back there watching her walk away.

...

That evening, on reaching her house, her dad was the first person she saw and before he could even begin to grum le about her going anywhere with a man, she ran into his arms and cried there.

Mr Conroy’s head at first had began to think the worst as he held his trembling daughter in his arms. He could only begin to imagine what the man she had been with had done to his pre

Cious child and he was planning to find him, beat the life out of him before throwing him in jail for life.

"Tell me baby! He touched you?! I swear to God I will bury that son of a—" Janey had held onto him tighter and choked out some words in tears.

And when he heard the words she spoke that Alan had rejected her, all he could do was wrap him fatherly arms around her and say, "That idiot. It’s his loss. My daughter is precious,"

That night, her family pampered her because they had never seen her cry that much before. Even her brother who usually could be a menace to her, kept checking up on her. Telling her that Alan was not worth her tears at all... She had her own team of support and thanks to them, she could sleep that night.

...

Alan on the other hand went back to his apartment, laid on his bed and blankly stared up at the ceiling for hours till the ceiling was blurred out of his view.

It was clear she was crushing on him, but she was going to college and the painful truth was that her crush could easily wither away by the time she gets into college. She could meet someone new there and start crushing on that someone new.

So he was going to let her go to college, taste the life of college, away from him, away from family. He wanted her to have that chance to meet new people. And if after meeting new people her heart remained with him, then he’d pursue her fully. But if she found someone new, he’d let her go and consider it a fleeting encounter.

That was his plan.

He believed it was the best thing to do. But her words replayed over and over in his head and he was no longer sure what was the best thing to do.

She called him a coward who couldn’t acknowledge his own feelings. Now he couldn’t help but see it that way. He was hardly unsure of anything. He was a very organized man who did things based on their assigned order. He was the kind of person who didn’t hide his distaste for something, and even though from the very first day he’d met her, there was nothing he didn’t not like about her, he still pretended he didn’t care.

At some point he had acknowledged he was interested with her but that was after fighting much inner battles which was very unlike him.

Now he was letting her go to college to meet new people and telling himself he would let her go if she ended up finding someone new.

"You really are a coward." He scoffed at himself.

...

For the rest of the week, Janey tried her best to be in a happy mood since she’d be leaving her family soon. While Alan immersed himself in more excessive work. He acted like all was normal and fine but those who knew him could tell that something was off.

It was a Saturday afternoon after some soccer with the twins, Duke had called him and made him confess all that had been going on with him.

"So you are interested in her. More than that, you’re head over hills for her." Duke said with a rather surprised look on his face. He knew Alan had been with some women in his lifetime, but this was the first time a woman would make him wear his problems on his face, even though he thought he was doing a good job hiding it.

Duke then said to him, "There’s nothing to dwell on here, Alan. Just ask yourself the simple question, ’Will I be able to let her go? Will I be able to see her with another guy? Will I truly not regret it if I let her fall into the arms of someone else?’"

"Alan my dear brother," Said Rey whom Duke had brought into conversation through video call. "It’s your first serious love, and with thee way you’re acting, I feel like if you let this one go, you’re gonna remain single for a long time."

"Its not that deep Rey."

"Yeah, shut up." Rey replied. "We’re the ones seeing you and we the love experts can tell you that you’re long gone for that girl. So, Forget all that bullcrap that people say about letting your love go so they can be happy. Or dumb things like ’the person I love is better off without me’. Or stupid things like, ’I’m happy just watching her from afar being happy with someone else.’ Bullcrap! That’s what all that is. Isn’t that right Duke?"

"Absolutely. Imagine me saying I’ll be happy watching Champagne from afar. Hahahahaa... utter nonsense. Or imagine that I find her romantic affection shifting towards someone else, what do you think I’d do? Hand her a divorce letter? Bullcrap. I’ll send the scum-of-a-bitch to a place he will never return from without her ever knowing I was involved. He’d disappear from the surface of thee earth without a trace left behind to track him."

"See little bro, that’s how love’s supposed to be. Mad! Fiercely mad. That’s the kind of love Jesus teaches too. Do you think a person would just die for a bunch of losers for no reason? That was mad love right there. Fiercing mad love. I heard you’ve been attending church recently, haven’t you learnt anything at all?"

Duke and Rey’s words might have sounded a bit extreme, but they stuck to Alan’s head.

And when he asked himself those questions over and over and over again, he quickly realized that even though he wasn’t related to his brothers by blood, he had their crazy traits in him. Because the answers to his question remained simple...

No.

That was the answer to all the questions that Duke had asked. He would never be able to let her go or see her with another man.

Only one question had the response, Yes.

"Will I regret it if I send her into the arms of someone else." Yes, he knew he would. He most definitely would and the image of her tear filled face would haunt him for months, just like it had haunted him all week.