Bringing some shocking pranks to the Cultivation World
Chapter 60 - 60 53 The Incompetent County Official

60: Chapter 53: The Incompetent County Official 60: Chapter 53: The Incompetent County Official Li Kuan, a resigned waste of space.

Take note, this is not a label given to him by others, nor is it slander from someone with ulterior motives.

This sentence, is Li Kuan’s self-introduction.

At daybreak, accompanied by the first resounding crow of an unknown neighbor’s rooster, Li Kuan opened his eyes and began another wasted day.

There were no beauties to serve him, no dog-like servants loudly asking “How many today, Master?”, only his wife, to whom he was wed by hair, combing her long hair, revealing a pretty back.

For washing, he used a common iron basin and a simple bar of soap, but he meticulously cleaned every corner of his face.

He bought a towel for five copper coins from the roadside and dried his face with it, then took a simple toothbrush and thoroughly cleaned his mouth.

With the help of his diligent wife, he changed into the somewhat complicated official green robe and fastened the Black Horn to his waist.

Though the man was a bit plump and his looks were not as handsome as in previous years, he appeared even more friendly.

After gently kissing his wife on the cheek, the man adjusted his official hat, rode in his somewhat shabby carriage, and leisurely arrived at the County Government Office, ready to start another wonderfully wasted day.

“Sir, yesterday traces of a monster were discovered in the fields of Li San’s House.”

Facing the report of the Government Official, Li Kuan smiled slightly, full of confidence,

“Please assist me, Imperial Academy Mansion.”

“Sir, a few days ago an anomaly descended from the sky in the eastern village, several townsfolk want to offer a mysterious white fox as a tribute, what do you say…”

Facing another Government Official’s report, Li Kuan smiled slightly, full of confidence,

“Please rescue me, Appraisal Pavilion.”

“Sir, that wealthy merchant who wanted to contract the northern wasteland of the city is back again, with a carriage full of jewels and gold, what do you say…”

Facing a Government Official with a sycophantic smile, Li Kuan smiled slightly, full of confidence,

“Drag him out, administer twenty strokes with the cane, then please have the auditing department investigate me, preferably for three days and two nights.”

Upon hearing this, two old Government Officials immediately stepped forward, skillfully took hold of this new officer, dragged him out of the County Government Office, and a flurry of rods descended, turning the new official’s buttocks a patchwork of red, white, blue, green, as if he had opened a dye house, colorful and varied.

“Alright, is there anything else to report?”

Li Kuan, who was adeptly writing a “Letter of Repentance,” glanced at a few County Government Officials, then lowered his head and continued writing as he spoke:

“If there is nothing else, please familiarize yourselves with the [Beiliang City Patrol Regulations] I updated yesterday, and then you may all go about your business.”

Upon hearing this, those few County Government Officials skillfully pulled out a scroll filled with text and began examining it together.

[Beiliang City Patrol Regulations, Twelfth Edition, authored by Li Kuan]

[One: These regulations apply to new and old Government Officials, officials from other regions, seconded officials, and those who have not signed contracts with the Government Office.

All are required to strictly comply with these regulations and remember their contents by heart.

Remember, knowing a mistake and committing it can lead to catastrophe.]

[Two: The patrol hours for Government Officials are from seven in the morning until five in the evening.

During this time, patrolling personnel must work in pairs and maintain a friendly and kind smile at all times.

Please note, while patrolling in Beiliang City, apart from these regulations, the only thing you can truly trust is the laws of Da Ming.]

[Three: When you see a two-story wooden building with a “Wherever Pass” sign, do not engage in conversation with anyone nearby, nor make any emotional gestures.

Keep smiling and pass by calmly.]

[Four: If someone talks to you near Wherever Pass, stay polite!

Stay polite!

Stay polite!

Treat them as if they were Li Kuan’s own father, showing no disrespect.]

[Five: When passing by the Imperial Academy, do not show any curiosity.

Adhere to “See not, hear not, speak not.” However, if a voice from within the Imperial Academy calls out to you, you must respond at once and have your companions report back to the County Government Office immediately.]

[Six: When you encounter beggars, mentally disturbed individuals, or exhibitionists, discern their identities.

If you find that the person behaves like a Spirit Qi Master, distance yourself immediately and report to the County Government Office.

If you find that the person resembles the special individual “Zhou Li,” distance yourself, distance yourself, distance yourself!]

[Seven: If you find a male being addressed as “Zhou Li” or “Little Li,” immediately keep your distance, but do not act out of the ordinary, continue your patrol.

If the man talks to you, keep smiling and be polite, treat him as if he were Li Kuan’s own father, and show no disrespect.]

[Eight: If someone is organizing gambling, collective prostitution, selling Wushi Powder, or other illegal activities, arrest them immediately and report to the County Government Office.

And pay attention to whether Zhou Li is involved in these actions.

If so, keep your distance.]

[Nine: Upon encountering strange plants, do not touch them, immediately keep your distance, and do not converse with the strange plants, and certainly do not make wishes, and absolutely do not attempt to **** with plants that have cylindrical mouths, are you ****ing abnormal?]

“Don’t look at me, I’ve never done that.”

Seeing the last rule, all the government officials shook their heads in unison, signaling they would never engage in such deviant acts.

After confirming these slightly modified patrol oddity guidelines, they bid Li Kuan farewell and began their tense period of patrol.

It wasn’t long before only Li Kuan was left in the County Government Office, burying his head in case work.

After a while, he looked at the elegantly written, flowing Letter of Repentance in his hands and nodded in satisfaction.

He then picked up the teacup beside him, gently rocked his chair back and forth, squinting his eyes in a half-asleep state amidst the summer breeze.

Yet, all that tranquility and ordinariness shattered when a certain token appeared before his eyes.

“Jinyiwei?”

Looking at the copper coin in the hands of the breathless city gate soldier, Li Kuan suddenly awoke.

He quickly composed himself, cracked a slight smile, and calmly said,

“Since it’s the Jinyiwei, let them in.”

If this was any other government official being suddenly checked by Jinyiwei from outside the area, they would command their subordinates to prepare good coffins.

The arrival of Jinyiwei from outside meant they had discovered your misdeeds.

The Imperial Court, worried about collusion with local Jinyiwei, would send others to strike you down.

But Li Kuan was not afraid, and the reason for his confidence was simple.

I’d rather do nothing at all than make a mistake.

Looking at the tea in his cup, worth no more than a single silver tael, Li Kuan snorted in amusement.

As a smart man, on his first day as Prefect, he had read through the [Abacus Case] file from beginning to end, memorizing every detail.

Subsequently, he established “The Principle of Three Nos” for himself.

Not covetous, not active, no mistakes.

As long as he did nothing and was not covetous, he would make no mistakes and would not be turned into Fuding sliced meat like his predecessors, clear and translucent.

During his term, Li Kuan ensured that he was not greedy for a penny, did nothing whatsoever, yet he never made a mistake.

His daily life consisted either of compiling patrol guidelines, self-inspection, or writing Letters of Repentance in advance.

Li Kuan was absolutely confident in facing the scrutiny of the Jinyiwei.

For the Jinyiwei only searched for major crimes such as corruption, illegality, and sedition.

As for someone like Li Kuan who was inactive and delegated authority, the Jinyiwei could not care less.

Soon, Li Kuan would experience unprecedented regret for his decision.