[BL] Guardians of Fate
Chapter 120 - 25: Little By Little [4]

Chapter 120: Chapter 25: Little By Little [4]

Luke felt his heart twist at Ardyn’s words.

It was a heavy subject that he knew he had to handle carefully. But right now, he was at a loss for words.

Whenever he talked to Zach about emotions and negative feelings, he often seemed to know what to say, like a big brother comforting his younger sibling.

But this was Ardyn, and they were two people of the same age. Luke didn’t have any friends his own age. The others in their village were either older or younger. The ones his age left to get jobs in the big city. The ones who stayed were the elders, the adults, and the kids who weren’t old enough to venture out.

So, he didn’t have much experience comforting people his age. Zach relied on him most of the time, as if seeking wisdom from someone older, while Luke got advice from Zach’s family.

Seeing Ardyn like this, blaming himself for something that was out of his control, made Luke feel unsure of how to respond. What was the right response to this, anyway? To someone who wasn’t even his friend yet?

Why did it feel a little easier with Leon earlier?

"Don’t say that," Luke said gently, hoping to reassure the man at least a little. "The accident wasn’t your fault. Your family loved you, and they always will. They would never think less of you. The only thing they’ll regret is that you’re no longer with them."

Somehow, talking about this reminded Luke of his own parents. When the destruction happened and the fire broke out... when he was far too young to use his magic well, especially when he barely used it because he was forbidden to...

It also caused a lot of self-blame. Luke was no stranger to that emotion.

But because of that, it was hard to comfort someone else with that emotion boiling in the depths of their heart when Luke didn’t even know how to comfort his own self in the first place.

Seeing that somber look on his face just seems wrong somehow, Luke thought to himself. He was overcome with the urge to make the man feel better, but he also knew that there was no easy way to do that.

Ardyn took a deep, shuddering breath in response. "I know," he whispered. "I know that deep down, but... What else can I do? Who else can I blame but myself? Even if I know that it’s irrational."

He looked down at the backpack Evan had given him and sighed once more.

"You know what I just realized? I don’t have a picture of them with me," he said quietly. "I don’t have my phone or my bag. Just the clothes I was wearing from my original world, that’s all I have left with me. I don’t have anything concrete to prove that I actually belong to another world and that my whole life was real and not just a bizarre figment of my imagination. I don’t even know if I’m real right now. It’s like I’m in a simulation. You’re here with me, but I feel disconnected. I saw a monster that made me realize that I might really die a horrible death a second time, two people that I knew died, and it feels so stuffy inside of me, like cotton growing and invading my lungs. It’s so hard to find out what I really feel."

"Nothing concrete..." Luke repeated under his breath, looking thoughtful. "Can I ask you something?"

Ardyn blinked. "Yeah, sure. What is it?"

"Do you remember them?"

"Remember what?"

"Your parents."

Ardyn frowned. "What kind of question is that? Of course I do."

"I mean their faces," Luke clarified. "Do you still remember what they look like? Vividly?"

Ardyn was now completely puzzled, but he answered, "Uh, yeah? Yes, I think so."

Luke nodded. "Then there’s still a chance."

"A chance? For what?"

"I heard that there’s a contraption in the capital of the Emerald Kingdom. The Ormstonian Empire, to be exact," Luke explained. "I’ve never been there, but I heard that they have a device which you can use to capture a photograph of your memories."

Ardyn listened to every word, his eyes growing wide by the second. "My... memories?" he repeated in disbelief.

"Yes. You can picture your family in your head as vividly as possible, and then allow the device to take a still photograph of the memory. That way, the image of them will always be with you."

"Seriously? Such a thing exists?" Ardyn’s jaw dropped open. "That’s so cool!"

Luke looked amused at the sudden excitement that crossed Ardyn’s features. "I’ve only heard of it. If you ever plan to go to the Emerald Kingdom, I suggest you buy this device if you ever come across it. That way, you’ll have something concrete, like your memories being solidified. Even though you may never be able to return to your world, you’ll still have your memories with you, and I think that’s the most precious thing you have."

Ardyn fell silent at his words, his mind sinking into a deep contemplation.

"I wonder... will I ever be able to remember them?"

"The Emerald Kingdom is full of surprises. There may be a device there that can probe your memories and make you remember. Even things you never knew you could remember."

Luke’s words seemed to strike a chord in Ardyn, who suddenly fell silent. A contemplative look crossed Ardyn’s features and it was as if there was a nagging feeling was at the back of his mind.

Memories that I never knew I actually have...

It hit him then.

The dreams?

Maybe I can remember those dreams, too...?

"Are you sure about this?" Ardyn couldn’t help but ask.

"As far as I know, yes. The patrons at the tavern who’ve been there usually speak highly of the place. They spoke of high-end technology and stuff like that, though I usually don’t understand much."

"Did they ever bring one of those devices?"

"No, it was a one-time use only, they said."

"Oh..." Ardyn swallowed. He knew it might sound silly, but he had to ask. He had asked Mathias and Evan this question before, so it shouldn’t be a problem to ask Luke, right?

"By the way," he said quickly, as if he was in a hurry to get the words out. "Have you ever had these... dreams?"

Luke blinked. "Dreams?" he repeated. "What dreams?"

Just then, a sound came from nearby. Luke and Ardyn turned their heads just in time to see Leon open the door from the driver’s side, looking weary and tired. There were slight bags under his eyes and it was obvious that he had cried before going to sleep.

Leon saw Ardyn and gave a small nod of greeting before taking a seat in front of them. Ardyn watched him, feeling a mix of emotions in her gut. A little disappointment for not getting Luke’s answer about the dreams, and also curiosity as to how they would survive the whole trip.

On the other hand, Luke and Leon had traveled to the Silver Kingdom on their own and reached Angelbay City in one piece. Ardyn just had to trust them, that was all.

There were also other opportunities for him to ask Luke about the dreams again. If there was one thing Ardyn could be described as, it was being fearless enough to say things directly.

He just had to remember that part of himself. Once he was settled enough in this world, he would finally be able to feel like himself again. For now, he needed to get enough answers to satisfy his fear and curiosity.

"We’re crossing the border of Levinia," Leon said as he looked out the window. They were now on a winding road at the top of a small hill that overlooked a few towns with their lights on in the darkness of the night. "Are you hungry? We’ll be at the next town in ten minutes."

"Will it be okay for you to go outside?" Luke asked in concern.

Ah, Ardyn thought in realization. Right. This kid is that Duke’s son...

"I’ll be fine as long as I wear my hood and mask," Leon said with a small smile. "We’ll just park the carriage somewhere inconspicuous and then get something to eat."

"Then we’ll find a tavern. We can blend in with the crowd and pose as travelers."

"Sounds good."

Ardyn watched their conversation for a while, feeling a bit out of the loop. There was a slight closeness between them now, judging by their relaxed expressions and the way Luke seemed worried about Leon. He suspected that they might have been talking while he slept.

"Right. That reminds me..." Luke turned to Ardyn. "I haven’t told you about what happened to Leon yet, have I?"

Ardyn blinked. "No...?"

"There’s something you need to know," Leon said quietly.

The two began to tell the story to Ardyn, who listened intently, trepidation bubbling in her chest. From the looks on their faces, he guessed it wasn’t good.

When the carriage stopped, having reached its temporary destination, neither of them even noticed, too engrossed in the conversation to pay attention.

When they finished, Ardyn stared back at Luke and Leon, stunned into silence as the weight of their words sank in.

"You have got to be kidding me."