[BL] Guardians of Fate
Chapter 117 - 25: Little By Little [1]

Chapter 117: Chapter 25: Little By Little [1]

His mother stood in the open doorway between the living room and the kitchen. She watched him with a raised eyebrow, though the smile on her lips was one of amusement.

"You said you wanted to play all day to ’de-stress’, and yet there you are, lazing around," she continued with a roll of her eyes. "Although if you ask me, that’s fine. The fighting sounds coming from the TV were obnoxious anyway."

Ardyn slowly sat up on the sofa, still staring.

He felt a lump in his throat. Even though he knew that this was just a memory he was reliving, he could control the scenario a bit like a dream, so he didn’t care if it wasn’t actually real. He already missed his family so much even though technically only one day had passed since his ’death’.

"Mom?" he murmured.

His mother shook her head and went back to the kitchen, saying, "If you’re tired, just turn off the TV and rest. We can save electricity that way. Do you know that our bills went up recently? It seems like there’s been an increase in the rates! I just found out about it recently. Goodness!"

His mother continued to rant as she always did, but Ardyn didn’t mind. Not at all. In fact, it felt so good to hear her voice again. Even if she just nagged him all day long, he preferred that as long as she was there.

"Where’s Dad?" he asked.

His mother stopped herself in the middle of a tirade and gave him a look from the open door. "At work, of course. Where else would he be? It’s only two in the afternoon."

Ardyn swallowed heavily. "I want to see him."

"You do?" His mother frowned. "Why?"

"I just miss him."

There was a moment of silence before his mother burst into a laugh. "What’s with you all of a sudden? You never said words like that before."

Ardyn chuckled. His mother always did have this contagious laugh. "You’re right about that. What about Abby? Where is she?"

"Your sister is at her university." His mother’s expression suddenly changed and she walked over to him in concern. She reached out and pressed the palm of her hand to his forehead. "Are you feeling okay, Adrien?"

Ardyn was bemused. "I’m fine. Why do you ask?"

His mother retracted her hand and looked at him worriedly. "Well, honey... you look like you’re about to cry."

What?

"I am?" Ardyn lifted his hand and rubbed his eye. In response, it stung, and when he blinked, a stray tear fell down his cheek.

Oh, how embarrassing. He couldn’t even remember crying in front of his own mother before. Except, of course, when he was a baby and a toddler.

"Really, what’s wrong with you today?" His mother laughed and pinched his cheek, as she often did when he was naughty in his youth. "How come you’re being a little emotional? Did something happen?"

Ardyn said nothing. He didn’t want to answer, especially not at a time like this. He would rather live in the moment for as long as it lasted.

Instead, he reached out and pulled his mother into a tight embrace, closing his eyes and letting a shiver run through his body. She gasped in surprise, but didn’t pull away, hugging him back gingerly. She seemed confused, though.

Ardyn didn’t blame her. He was the kind of son who wasn’t the affectionate and clingy type, but rather the troublemaking and sometimes rebellious type. When he was in middle school up to the first few years of high school, he would skip classes and go to internet cafés. He hated studying and didn’t see the point of it. He remembered that his parents had a hard time keeping him in line back then.

I must’ve been an annoying kid, he thought.

At that moment, another wave of regret washed over him. He died just before he could be a good son to them. He wouldn’t be able to give them a better life now. He wouldn’t be able to buy them a house or give them grandchildren. He wouldn’t be able to see his sister start a big family of her own like she always wanted.

He had heard many times before that the most painful thing for a parent is to have to bury their own child.

"...I’m sorry, Mom," he whispered. "I’m so sorry."

Even though this is just a dream, I just want to tell you that I’m sorry one last time.

"What are you apologizing for?" His mother sounded startled.

"For being a bad son."

"Wha...?" He had never heard his mother sound this speechless before. She always had something to say, whether it was a long rant or a brief scolding. "How on earth could you say such a thing?"

"Because I left you behind." Ardyn hugged her tighter, exhaling deeply to restrain the sobs from coming out. "It was out of my control, but... I’m still sorry. To you and to Dad and to Abby..."

He couldn’t bring himself to say more.

Now he began to wonder how his family was doing in reality. It was a morbid thought, but he felt depressed and curious all the same. Like if they mourned him or something. If they cremated his body. Or if they put him in a coffin for everyone to see.

And he hadn’t even thought about making a will because he was still young.

"What should I do, Mom?" he whispered. "What do you think I should do? I don’t know how to act in this world. I want to come back. Back to you guys."

Even though I know that it’s impossible.

His mother gently pulled back from the embrace to look at him directly. Her lips moved, but he could no longer hear what she was saying. The surroundings blurred, like everything was out of focus.

Ardyn knew then that it was over.

The dream was ending.

He took one last look at his mother and his eyes widened.

Mom... he thought, dazed, as the darkness showed up and slowly swallowed him whole. Why?

Why did your face suddenly turn unrecognizable?

Am I... forgetting you?

No.

No...

I don’t want to forget.

Please... don’t make me forget!