Beneath the Alpha's Moon
Chapter 36: Regrets

Chapter 36: Regrets

LUCIAN’S P.O.V.

It had been two long months since I’d told Teresa to leave my estate—and my life. I thought I’d feel...what? Relief, maybe? The kind of peace that comes from sticking to a tough choice. But peace was the last thing I found.

Ares was gone, at least his voice was. I felt his presence, but it was...distant. Just this faint, melancholic sensation that loomed at the edge of my mind. At first, I thought he was sulking, furious I’d pushed Teresa away but I didn’t do anything to soothe him because I was very angry that he mated with her without my consent but now I was dying to hear his voice.

Ares had always been annoyingly vocal about her. But the silence lingered, turning into something that felt heavier, colder. He’d pulled away so far I couldn’t reach him like he couldn’t even hear me calling out to him anymore. And I had called. Desperately. He was punishing me and it was slowly eating away at my heart.

Here I was, this proud alpha who once grumbled at Ares’ relentless chatter, now feeling like I’d give anything to hear him complain, just once. That silence...it gnawed at me. The quiet was suffocating. Two months of this emptiness made me remember a time when isolation was forced on me by my father—a time before Ares was part of my life when I’d prayed to the moon goddess to bring my wolf to me. It was one of the darkest periods I’d faced. But when he finally came, I was never alone again. Not until now.

Emotionally, I was...unsteady. A ticking bomb of regret and frustration. Every little thing would set me off. One wrong look from anyone, and I’d snap. And yet, Rylan stayed by my side, ever the loyal beta. He watched me with those pitying eyes that I hated—eyes that seemed to see right through my anger and understand the chaos roiling inside. It made me feel exposed and weak, and I hated him for it. But I hated myself more.

Juliette, my best friend, and my gamma, had become a stranger. Ever since I yelled at her to "mind her own damn business" after she dared question why I was pushing Teresa away, she’d only spoken to me in clipped, formal tones. I’d always relied on her to be that one person who could push me, and keep me in line. Now, she was just another face keeping their distance. Because I’d made it that way.

I didn’t apologize to her. Maybe because I didn’t know how, or maybe because my pride was a parasite, feeding off every opportunity to dig me deeper into this hole. Every pack member treated me with that same wary respect as if they feared what might set me off next.

Two months ago, I’d thought banning anyone from contacting Teresa was smart. I’d wanted to make sure she stayed far from me—no excuses, no connections. But now I realized that choice had turned my friends into strangers. Max, Juliette, everyone who’d cared for her, cared for me...they were angry, hurt. They wouldn’t dare confront their alpha, so they simply kept their distance.

Alone. That word had never hit me with such force before. I felt my father’s shadow looming over me, a reminder of everything I despised and feared. That cold, sad man who put his mate above every other thing, who destroyed my mental health before it had a chance to grow into something beautiful. The man who stole my childhood. All my life, I’d dreaded becoming him, so I pushed away the people who’d brought warmth to my life. Ares and Teresa.

Teresa.

I’d never thought she’d make it so far under my skin. I’d told myself she was nothing more than a risk, a distraction. Someone who was too fragile for my world, for me. And yet, I found myself haunted by her absence, by her warmth, by that light she carried, oblivious to the darkness surrounding me. She’d had this way of looking at me that felt like a balm to my soul, even if she had no idea who—what—I was.

And I hated her for it.

No. I hated myself. Because I’d pushed her away to protect myself from what I might become. But now I was exactly what I feared. Alone, bitter, and haunted by the thought of her. I had become exactly like my father. I’d imagined her smiling, her timid laugh echoing in the quiet spaces of the estate. I’d wake in the middle of the night, sure I’d heard her voice or caught a whiff of her sweet honey scent, only to be met by silence and no smell of her except for the faint scent that clung to her hairband. The hairband she forgot that morning in her haze to run away, the hairband I shamelessly kept and sniffed.

"Ares..." I found myself whispering as if by some miracle, he’d answer me.

Nothing. It was still quiet, that damn silence that had replaced his voice and my peace.

The ache in my chest grew, raw and sharp. Maybe...maybe I’d made a mistake. Maybe the strength I thought I’d shown in pushing Teresa away was cowardice. Maybe letting myself love her, letting her love me, was the bravest thing I could have done.

********

I woke up to silence the next morning—the same silence so thick it was like a fog pressing against my chest, filling the space where Ares used to be. My mornings used to start with his voice, some biting comment, or a reminder of my responsibilities. But now... nothing. The silence echoed.

I moved around my room like a ghost, pushing myself through the routine of shaving, brushing my teeth, and dressing in another suit that looked the same as all the others. The loneliness gnawed at me, yet life had to go on. I couldn’t fall apart just because Ares wouldn’t speak to me... or because Teresa was gone. No, I wouldn’t allow myself that weakness.

As I struggled with the cufflinks, I found myself muttering aloud. "Are you still there, Ares?" Silence. "Guess you don’t have any complaints today?" More silence. I chuckled dryly, though it felt more like a hollow echo. "Fine. Be that way." I adjusted the collar and paused, almost expecting him to call me ’an idiot’ for fumbling with something so simple.

Nothing.

I shook my head, forcing myself to brush off the void he left. By the time I headed out to the car, Kenneth was already waiting, all prim and proper, as usual. He nodded politely as I slid into the driver’s seat beside him. "Good morning, sir."

I nodded back, my mind elsewhere, not caring for pleasantries. He started rattling off the day’s schedule, talking about meetings, board members, and some new proposals... but my thoughts drifted to Teresa again. Her laugh, the way she looked at me with that hint of wonder and kindness—before I ruined it all. And Ares... I clenched the steering wheel harder, feeling the weight of that emptiness claw at my insides. The big, bad alpha, was reduced to a scared, sulking puppy.

For the first time in my life, I felt the sharp edge of fear. Fear that they’d never forgive me. I could try with Ares, sure, but Teresa... after everything I’d done to her... I didn’t have the right to ask for her forgiveness. She also said she would never forgive me. And yet, a part of me wished it was all in my head that if only I apologized, she would look at me once more, as she used to.

As I entered my office, I pushed the thoughts away. Work. Focus on that. I buried myself in it, trying to ignore the constant ache, the hollow feeling that somehow managed to persist no matter how much I distracted myself. But soon enough, Kenneth knocked on the door, and I could tell by the way he lingered that he had something to say.

"There’s... someone here to see you, sir. Two of them. A woman named Barbara and a man named Kevin. They’re representatives from the pack elders They... wanted to discuss some things they felt Rylan wasn’t addressing well enough on their behalf."

The elders. Just what I needed. "Have them wait," I said, sighing, and shot a message to Rylan through our mind link, asking him to come to the company headquarters. Within fifteen minutes, he appeared, frowning at me as if I’d summoned him from the depths of hell.

"Lucian?" he grumbled, dropping into the chair across from my desk. "Did you call me here just because you didn’t want to deal with elder matters alone?"

I shrugged, offering him a sarcastic smile. "You know me. Can’t stand sitting through these boring meetings on my own."

He rolled his eyes but stayed put as I asked Kenneth to send them in. Barbara walked in first—a beautiful young woman with striking blue eyes and blonde hair. Behind her was Kevin, the elder. It wasn’t unusual for werewolf elders to look younger than they were; they aged differently, we all did but theirs was a bit different. They had special powers that extended both their lives and their wisdom. They were respected, revered, and most annoyingly to me, nosy. They were always talking about balance, mates, and how I, as alpha, should be settling down with someone to "keep my temper in check."

I leaned back in my chair, barely concealing my irritation. Kevin opened with a familiar speech, urging me to consider finding a mate. He spoke about balance, about the dangers of an unmated alpha to the pack’s well-being. Then he gestured to Barbara with a smile that looked far too self-satisfied. "The elders have chosen Barbara for you. She’s a beautiful omega with a good upbringing, a perfect match for a strong alpha like yourself."

I scoffed. A match? This was absurd. They couldn’t just parade someone in front of me like I was choosing a new car. I was about to tell him off when Kevin’s voice took on a new, sharper tone.

"Of course," he continued, "there have been rumors about the human girl you hosted at the pack house a while ago. A Teresa, was it? They say she’s your mate. But surely, a mere human wouldn’t meet your standards." He sneered, looking at me with something close to disgust. "Barbara here is far stronger than that fragile girl. You’d do better to have someone like Barbara by your side—someone who wouldn’t crumble under the weight of your power."

At that, a raw, searing anger tore through me. I shot up, slamming my fist on the desk. "Do not—ever—speak her name," I growled. My voice was low, lethal. I could feel my claws itching to come out, Ares stirring just enough to send a chill through me. "You’re not allowed to even think of Teresa."

Kevin blinked, taken aback, his hand instinctively moving to hold onto Barbara’s arm as if she were some shield. The girl looked terrified, her eyes wide as she glanced between me and the elder. When I took one threatening step forward, Kevin gripped her hand tightly, and, in an instant, they both vanished. Typical elders rely solely on their powers. This one had teleportation ability.

Rylan leaned back in his chair, laughing so loudly that I had to tell him to go make himself useful instead of driving me insane. He threw his hands up in mock surrender, only to keep laughing.

"That’s what you get for making bad decisions," he said with a smirk. I shot him a deadly glare as he darted out of my office, still laughing his head off.

They left me alone in my office, seething, my chest heaving with rage. I shut my eyes, trying to control the storm inside. And then, like a whisper, a familiar scent wafted through the room. Teresa. It was faint, barely there, but unmistakable. For the first time in two months, I felt Ares stir deep within me. His presence was weak, but the connection was undeniable.

But reality intruded all too quickly. Her hairband, I carried her scent everywhere It was in my pocket even now, just like always. I sighed reminding myself that was all it was—the faint scent of Teresa, not the real thing.

A knock rattled at my door. Kenneth stepped in, looking uneasy and almost pale. "Sir," he stammered, his voice shaky, "there’s someone here..." He swallowed, casting a nervous glance over his shoulder. "Sir, Miss—"

"Out, Kenneth!" I snapped, my voice harsher than I intended. "I’m not in the mood for visitors right now."

"But sir, it’s—"

"I said out!" I cut him off, rising from my chair. Kenneth flinched and bolted out, closing the door in his haste.

As silence filled the room again, I slumped back into my chair, dragging a hand over my face. If only Teresa could forgive me. If only I could summon the courage to ask for it. But I was a coward, trapped in this quiet misery of my own making. If only...

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