Beneath the Alpha's Moon
Chapter 249: Not Okay

Chapter 249: Not Okay

Eldur’s P.O.V.

Laughter filled the night, echoing in my ears like a melody I couldn’t quite recognize.

The bonfire crackled and flames licked at the sky. Warriors laughed, drank, and danced to the rhythmic drumming. Packs of wolves howled in celebration, their voices blending into the music.

Everyone was happy.

Even my parents.

I glanced at them from across the fire. My father, stood with his usual easy grace, speaking in that slow, almost lazy way of his. My mother was beside him, laughing at something he had said. Her laughter was rare, precious. A sound I had spent years trying to earn.

Tonight, it was effortless.

Even my sister, Elizabeth, was beaming. She stood between them, her red hair glowing like embers, her warm brown eyes filled with an emotion I wasn’t used to seeing directed at me—pride.

I had finally become someone worthy of them.

Because Raivo was gone.

My wolf was gone.

The voice that had whispered to me from the moment I could understand words, the presence that had been with me since my first breath—gone.

I should have felt relief.

I should have felt free.

Instead, I felt empty.

A hollow, aching void had taken Raivo’s place.

I clenched my fists, forcing a smile as Elizabeth approached.

"You look different," she said, tilting her head, studying me like I was some rare creature she had never seen before. "Lighter."

"Thanks," I muttered, forcing my lips into something that resembled a smirk.

She folded her arms. "I didn’t mean it as a compliment."

I huffed a laugh. "Of course you didn’t."

Her expression softened. "But... I am glad. You’re finally free of him, Eldur." She paused. "You’re finally you."

Something twisted in my chest.

Was I?

For as long as I could remember, Raivo had been there, whispering, taunting, guiding. His hunger for destruction had been mine. His rage had been mine. His power had been mine.

And now?

Now, I was just... a boy.

No wolf. No whispers. Just silence.

I swallowed hard, nodding as if I agreed.

Elizabeth’s eyes narrowed slightly, sensing something beneath my carefully crafted exterior. But before she could speak, a voice cut through the noise.

Lucian Blackwood.

My uncle. The great Alpha.

The man who had once looked at me with nothing but distrust and disappointment.

But tonight, his gaze was different.

Warm.

Accepting.

Proud.

I hated it.

He stepped forward, his imposing figure casting a long shadow in the firelight. "Eldur."

I straightened instinctively, the habit of bracing for whatever judgment was coming too deeply ingrained.

Lucian studied me for a long moment, then placed a firm hand on my shoulder. "I know it wasn’t easy. Losing him."

I stiffened. Of course he knew. No one in this pack could understand what it meant to lose a wolf. But Lucian? He could feel it.

"It was the right thing," he said. "But that doesn’t mean it wasn’t painful."

I swallowed. My throat burned.

"Raivo was bad for you," he continued, his voice steady. "But he was still a part of you."

A muscle in my jaw ticked.

Lucian sighed, glancing at Teresa, my aunt, who stood beside him. Her pretty eyes softened when they met mine.

"You’re family," she said, her voice carrying a warmth I hadn’t expected. "No matter what you are now. No matter what you feel you’ve lost."

Family.

I forced a smirk. "You two are getting sentimental in your old age."

Lucian snorted. "Brat."

I shrugged. "It’s part of my charm."

Teresa smiled, squeezing my arm before stepping back.

Lucian hesitated, then did something unexpected.

He pulled me into a brief, crushing hug.

My breath caught.

By the time he let go, I was too stunned to react.

He patted my back roughly. "Come to me if you ever need anything."

Then he was gone, walking back to Teresa.

I exhaled shakily.

This was too much.

Too much warmth. Too much acceptance. Too much of something I didn’t deserve.

I turned, intending to slip away into the darkness, but then—

I saw her.

Mai.

She was laughing, her head tilted back, green eyes glowing in the firelight. Her eyes were no longer like mine. Liam sat beside her, their fingers tangled together, his scarred face soft with happiness.

Happiness I had never been able to give her.

A sharp pain twisted in my chest.

It wasn’t jealousy.

Not anymore.

Not since Nova.

And yet...

I was lost.

For years, my world had revolved around Mai. My obsession with her had been as deep as it was destructive. And even after I had let her go, after I had accepted Liam’s place in her life, I had never imagined a day where it would be official.

Where she would no longer be mine to chase.

Mine to fight for.

Mine to dream about.

She was Liam’s now. Fully. Forever.

And for the first time in my life, I had no idea where I belonged.

My fingers curled into fists.

Raivo’s voice didn’t rise to mock me.

For the first time, there was only silence.

A hand landed on my shoulder.

I turned, half-expecting Lucian again, but it wasn’t him.

It was my father.

His eyes searched my face. "You’re hurting," he murmured.

I clenched my jaw. "I’m fine."

His lips twitched, amused. "Lying doesn’t suit you, son."

I exhaled sharply, looking away. "It doesn’t matter."

"It does." His voice was calm, unwavering. "You lost something, didn’t you?"

I swallowed.

Raivo had been a monster, but he had been my monster. He had been the only voice that had ever truly belonged to me.

Now, there was only emptiness.

My father sighed, his voice dropping to something barely above a whisper. "You will feel lost for a while. But you are not empty, Eldur."

I scoffed. "Then why does it feel like I am?"

Dad tilted his head, considering me in that infuriatingly patient way of his. "Because you are grieving."

I stiffened.

Grieving?

Grieving the loss of a creature that had brought me nothing but destruction?

The thought made my stomach turn.

Dad continued, unfazed. "Raivo was not good for you. But he was still a part of you. You have the right to mourn him."

I looked away. "I don’t want to mourn him."

"You don’t have a choice," he said simply.

Silence stretched between us.

The fire crackled. Laughter rang in the distance. The world kept moving forward.

But I felt like I was standing still.

The banquet continued around me—laughter, clinking glasses, the scent of roasted meat and honeyed wine thick in the air. The pack was celebrating, but I felt like a ghost drifting through the noise, untouched by it all.

I kept watching Mai laugh as Liam whispered something in her ear.. She was his. He was hers.

I had no place between them anymore.

A strange pressure built in my chest, coiling tight like a snake ready to strike. I clenched my jaw, forcing myself to look away.

I needed air.

No.

I needed her.

Without another thought, I left the gathering found a quiet place and opened a portal. The air crackled around me, dark energy swirling at my fingertips as I stepped through—

And landed in front of Nova’s house.

The night was quiet here. No laughter, no celebrations. Just the chirping of crickets and the occasional rustle of leaves in the cold wind. The small house stood before me, its yellow porch light casting a dim glow over the wooden steps.

I hesitated.

Nova knew nothing about what I was. What I had done. What I had lost.

And yet, she was the only thing keeping me from losing my mind.

Taking a breath, I raised my hand and knocked.

Silence.

Then, footsteps.

The door cracked open slightly, and Nova’s face appeared. Her brown eyes blinked up at me, confusion flickering in them.

"Eldur?" she asked, her voice hushed.

I exhaled. I hadn’t realized how tightly I’d been holding my breath.

"Yeah," I murmured.

She frowned. "What are you doing here? How did you know where I leave?"

I had no answer. None that wouldn’t make me sound insane.

Nova sighed, pushing the door open wider. "Come in before my nosy neighbor thinks I’m sneaking in a serial killer."

A ghost of a smirk tugged at my lips, but it vanished just as fast.

I stepped inside.

Nova’s house was warm, the scent of chamomile and vanilla curling in the air. It was a small place, barely big enough for one person, let alone an uninvited supernatural guest. A pile of books sat on the couch, a half-empty mug of tea beside them.

She closed the door and turned to me, arms crossed. "Alright, start talking."

I stared at her.

How could I explain this? That I felt like a fraying thread, unraveling with every second? That her presence was the only thing keeping the shadows at bay? That I had stalked her a countless numbers of times and that’s how I knew her address?

"I needed to get away," I said instead.

She studied me, her gaze sweeping over my face like she could see every crack I was trying to hide.

Then, she sighed. "Kitchen."

I blinked. "What?"

She turned, walking toward the kitchen. "Come on, we’re making hot chocolate."

I followed, confused but too drained to question her.

Nova grabbed a pot and poured in some milk, her movements calm, methodical. "You always look like you’ve just walked out of a gothic novel," she muttered. "Like you’re two seconds away from brooding in the rain."

I huffed. "I don’t brood."

She shot me a look. "You do."

I frowned, crossing my arms. "I observe dramatically. There’s a difference."

She snorted, shaking her head.

The silence that settled between us was different from the one at the banquet. This silence wasn’t empty. It was safe.

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