Bastian
Chapter 177 - Let's Stop

✧Let’s Stop✧

*.·:·.✧.·:·.*

Bastian closed his eyes and let out a resigned sigh. He held firm of the doorknob, which was now heated by his touch. The stubborn, foolish woman kept knocking and every time he heard her voice, he wanted to slip back into his nightmare. Perhaps going insane wasn’t such a bad idea.

   “Fine, if you won’t open it, then I will,” Odette said, he could hear her tiny feet stamping away.

   “You can’t open it, Odette.” There was no reply, she was gone.

Bastian let go of the doorknob with a twisted smile. He was sweating so much that drops fell from his nose down to his feet.

He turned away to drag a chair over to the door and then dumped his tired body into it. How had this happened? The nightmares had not plagued him since he came to the cottage, but tonight, they were as bad as ever. It might be due to the sleeping pills he had taken.

   He heard something scraping in the lock. “You’re wasting your time, Odette.”

   The lock snapped, but the door barely budged as he sat on the floor prevented the door from opening.

   “Bastian, why are you doing this?”

   “Please, just go, Odette.” Bastian chewed and spat out the command like a roar, like he was reprimanding a new recruit.

   The white moon poured light through the window and over the bed, where dried spots of blood had bloomed like crimson roses. The blanket Odette had gotten him lay crumpled on the floor, where he had tossed it off himself.

   “Fine,” Odette said. “If you won’t open up, then I will just have to break it down.”

   A sardonic smile crossed Bastian’s lips. “Just you try.”

   “I will, just as you taught me, I don’t care if I break my door. Just show me your face and I will leave you alone once I make sure you’re okay.”

   “Odette, please…” His plea was left hanging in the dark room.

Even when he turned around to face the sealed door and shut his eyes, the image of Odette stayed with him. Her turquoise eyes, brimming with unshed tears, lips quivering in silent agony. A face that had lived without knowing how to cry, making it all the more sad and beautiful.

Odette…my beloved Odette.

   Bastian looked at the door, Odette was still there, her voice shook as she kept hitting the door, no doubt her eyes bloodshot with tears. He had discovered a new weakness in her, something he could use, a weapon he could control perfectly. Himself. He looked down at the rope burn on his wrist and his eyes filled with despairing hope.

   She was the type of person that could not ignore the plight of a helpless animal. He knew better than any one how to restrain Odette. All he had to do was open the door and show her his miserable, broken self. She would pity him and want to take care of him. This was his last chance to have the woman he craved so desperately.

Bastian grasped the latch desperately, like a starving animal that had found its prey when suddenly a face came to mind, an old, wrinkled and tired face, with eyes that shone brightly with instinctive desire. 

He knew very well that the reason she couldn’t let go of her family was not because of love, but because of responsibility. She had sacrificed everything, and remained a prisoner of her own life. She had sacrificed so much already for her wretched father and her step sister. So, there was hope for him. And that hope stopped Bastian in his tracks. 

He stared into moonlit room, holding on to the latch that he could not open. Odette was finally living her age. She was able to life the way she wanted and he was a threat to that peace. She was a dazzling, bright beauty and he was an all consuming shadow.

What can he give her in return for taking it away? 

   The hope that had brought Bastian here quickly turned to despair. His previously simple and easy calculation method was no longer valid. Odette said that even apologising would be painful, but if he begged and clung to her, she would forgive him, then he would have the right to confess his love to her, that was the plan, but now, it seemed more like an evil scheme. Even if such a miracle were to occur where he would be able to confess his love, he would have to leave for war.

   If Odette waited for him, he felt like he could make it through anything to get back to her, he could have promised many times it would happen, even if it meant risking his life. But …destiny is not defined by the will of one person. He was set to head into a warzone on the scale of which had never been seen before. It would be difficult to be sure of anything.

   “Are you okay Bastian?” Odette’s voice carved through his melancholy. She had said she would not be able to bare it if she were to get hurt again and he understood that feeling now.

  She might be a cold person, but she wasn’t heartless. Her loneliness had made her kind hearted, rather than bitter. She was the kind of person that would not so easily be able to ignore the suffering of others. That’s why she needed to get away from him. If she saw him in this pitiful state, her heart would soften and she would trap herself all over again. Like a bird freely going into the cage.

   “Go back to bed,” Bastian whispered through the door. “I’m just haunted by nightmares of the wrongs I have done.” His voice serene like the break of dawn. 

In the end, all he could give her was pain.  As he closed his eyes, he had finally found the answer he was looking for. He now understood what he needed to do for that unfortunate woman.

   “Open the door and we can talk about it.”

   “No, I don’t think that is a good idea.” Bastian sat back down in the chair. “I apologised and sought forgiveness. I thought that I could start over, overcome, but the past will always be there. You were right, Odette, I think I understand my true feelings now, after eliminating empathy and guilt. We are a festering wound to each other and the only way to heal, is to be apart.” Bastian closed his eyes as the tears flowed down his cheek. “We need to stop.”

“Bastian….”

“I will keep my word. My thoughts are now mostly clear.”

He heard Odette release the door knob and took the step back. There was silence for a long while and Bastian slowly opened his eyes. His emotionless eyes were now veiled by the darkness of the night.  He had made his decision and let go, ready to face the remnants of his nightmares.

  I won’t lock you up in hell again.

Bastian decided to stay strong, covered his sleeves over his injuries, and cleaned up the mess. As he did this, the early morning became even more silent.

“I don’t want to live like this anymore either.” Bastian said, facing the locked door. Odette didn’t respond. “So stop, Odette.”  

He removed the ropes, stashed them in a drawer, and fixed the mattress. He straightened the blankets, took a sleeping pill, and went to bed. As the sleeping pill started to work, he heard Odette’s soft footsteps leaving through the front door.

Overwhelmed with bitter-sweet emotion, Bastian drifted into his slumber.

*.·:·.✧.·:·.*

Odette woke up the next morning far later than she intended. At first she was content with enjoying the warm comfort of her bed, until the realisation that it was a school day. She rushed around the house, gathering the things she need and no matter how hard she tried, she was not going to make it on time, mostly because her ankle has not yet fully recovered.

   As she was pottering about the house, she noticed that it was quieter than usual. Had Bastian left already? She took a moment from her hurried morning to peer into the spare bedroom and let out a sigh of relief when she saw Bastian’s luggage was still there. Why was she relieved? At least he didn’t just disappear, without saying goodbye. Odette suddenly realized that she always left him like that, and turned around with a blank smile.

Memories of the night she realized the lines Bastian had drawn came one by one, following the sound of the creaking stairs.

He didn’t hesitate to say harsh things like, ‘You’re just my employee.’ but he had never drawn such a clear line between them before now. Maybe she was just realizing that some people, no matter how hard you try, remain beyond your reach

“Bastian!”   She went about the house calling his name. Had he gone out to exercise? The time on the clock hinted that he should have finished hours ago and just as she grew frustrated, someone called out to her from the garden.

   “Miss Byller, would you come outside?” It was a soft beckon full of mirth.

   Odette ran to the door and pulled it open and as soon as she took her first steps into the garden, she saw it. Bastian, on a bike, was smiling as calm as if nothing out of the ordinary was happening, waving for her to come over.

   “Miss Byller, if you don’t leave now, you’re going to be late. Come sister.” Bastian pointed to the second seat of the bike, it was a tandem.

   “Where on earth did you get that?”

   “I borrowed it from your generous neighbour.”

   “What do you mean?”

   “Your ankle, you should not be walking on it, so I borrowed a bike. After all, I was the one that insisted on going out for a picnic.”

   “You’re also the one that said we should stop.”

   “True.”

   “So, why…”

   “Does it matter? We have two days left and you need to get to your lessons.”

   “Pah, you’re still the same stubborn, foolish man ever.”

   “Well, that’s not entirely wrong,” Bastian said shamelessly.

   “Is this your way of making up for the nightmare you’ve put me through?”

   “Perhaps.”

   “Why should I accept such kindness?” Odette said, folding her arms, unmoving.

   “Lady Odette, know when its time to yield, now, are you going to get on so we can get you to your classes or are we going to have to disappoint a poor young girl?”

   He was acting the same as when he had trampled her heart, but it did not feel like it had the same sense of humiliation. Perhaps because she had grown accustomed to this man.

   The eyes of the people passing by started to focus on them and giving them funny looks. Odette had no choice but to hop on the bike. As Bastian started pedaling, she screamed a little and held his waist tight.

The bike slowly got faster, moving through the summer field.

*.·:·.✧.·:·.*

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