Apocalyptic Era: Starting from picking up a Bishoujo
Chapter 530 - 498 Balance in the Heart

Chapter 530: 498 Balance in the Heart

I thought that as my understanding of the Doomsday Era deepened, my understanding of Mazao would also grow deeper.

But the result was exactly the opposite of my initial assumption. The image of Mazao in my heart not only did not become clearer, but instead became increasingly elusive. The subject I thought I understood very well suddenly appeared shrouded in layer upon layer of mysterious doubts.

For a moment, I didn’t know whether I should be pleased or perplexed.

I still believe that Mazao has always been candid with me, so even if I were to ask her about the problems I’ve just discovered, she would be just as confused as I am.

After dinner, the boy voluntarily took charge of clearing all the dishes. Presumably, it’s because there are a lot of idle utensils in the safety house, while lacking in water resources, so these dishes are discarded after use. Meanwhile, Tan Xiang asked where the bathroom was and temporarily left the table.

After quickly finishing the cleaning, the boy led the girl to the large round table at the center of the safety house, took out a small and rough humanoid wooden sculpture, placed it on the table, and then assumed a posture of worship toward the sculpture.

The cartographer also performed a simple worship gesture toward the sculpture from a distance.

Upon returning, Tan Xiang saw this scene and curiously asked, "What is that?"

"They are worshipping a God," the cartographer said. "That sculpture symbolizes a deity named ’Yellow Springs’, which seems to be able to bless survivors with safety."

After the cartographer said so, the rough wooden sculpture indeed seemed to embody that dead atmosphere of Yellow Springs. However, Yellow Springs is the Impermanence of the Evangelical Institute, and the cartographer was previously speaking ill of the Evangelical Institute, yet now he’s worshipping Yellow Springs, which seems a bit contradictory.

Does he not know that Yellow Springs is part of the Evangelical Institute? Or is it like how Luo Mountain does not belong to Impermanence but the organization belongs to Impermanence, thus even if the Evangelical Institute commits many evil acts, it doesn’t significantly affect the divine status of Yellow Springs? It’s like how even if close ministers of ancient emperors were scoundrels, it’s often believed that there are miscreants by the emperor’s side, rather than thinking the emperor himself is evil?

"Yellow Springs?" Tan Xiang seemed to be contemplating which deity corresponds to that name. "This deity... does he truly exist?"

Given the existence of anomalies and doomsday, perhaps gods also exist—that’s likely what he thought.

"Gods do exist." The cartographer looked at the sculpture with a complex expression, "But... why does God never truly protect us, no matter how we worship..."

Perhaps it’s because I’ve already killed him.

After thinking, Tan Xiang went to worship the god; maybe he thought that praying doesn’t cost anything and wanted to seek peace of mind. With a humorous attitude, I imitated the cartographer’s earlier actions and made a distant bow in the direction of the sculpture.

Crack.

The face of the deity cracked on the spot.

"Ah?"

Tan Xiang had just finished worshipping and, upon looking up, saw the face of the divine sculpture cracked, turning his face green too. Perhaps my actions were too abrupt; after all, I am also someone referred to as a god, and it’s not appropriate to offer salutations to other gods, especially those who have been defeated by me.

Unfortunately, Lu Chan and Zhu Shi are not here, so no one can explain what mysticism rule I just triggered. The cartographer was also a bit surprised and went to the bewildered boy, picked up the wooden sculpture, examined it, and seemed not to connect my action with the cracking of the wooden sculpture.

"Maybe the air is too dry?" he said, puzzled.

Then he put away the wooden sculpture and pulled out a large stainless steel basin from under the round table, full of new wooden sculptures. He placed one of them onto the table.

"No... are you doing wholesale here!?" Tan Xiang was shocked.

"I carve a few whenever I’m free, gradually accumulating a lot. The materials are the legs of the tables in the safety house; if the carving goes wrong, it can be used as firewood without waste," the cartographer said.

"Is this considered worship or blasphemy? Is it possible that the deity isn’t blessing you because of this?" Tan Xiang teased.

And I, taking the opportunity, asked, "Speaking of which... does this benediction have anything to do with the deity?"

I looked at the lantern by the cartographer’s side and the benediction lamp hovering at the center of the round table.

"The benediction is said to come from the Evangelical Institute. While monks from the Evangelical Institute travel around hunting down survivors, benedictions also spread everywhere due to various accidents," the cartographer said. "The benediction in our safety house is very weak, it only provides the power to guide the path.

If it were a larger benediction, it could reduce the chance of people around becoming infected with frenzy and falling into sin demonization. And an even larger benediction is said to be able to calm the chaos of surrounding times and spaces and keep anomalies away from that area."

Next, the cartographer explained the concepts of frenzy and sin demonization to Tan Xiang, who then thoughtfully said, "So if one wants to build a certain scale of survivor force, must they have a sufficiently large benediction?"

"Right, but the scattered blessings outside are only in small volumes. Most survivors don’t even have those small blessings, and the large ones are only possessed by the Evangelical Institute," the cartographer said.

"Speaking of frenzy, I have a question..." I said, "What exactly is frenzy?"

Frenzy is an extremely dangerous and unknown force that turns many doomsday survivors into Sin Demons. Even the Great Demon, at its core, is Impermanence—a form in which a human god frenzies and falls into a Sin Demon. In other words, frenzy can even corrode Impermanence.

Since entering the Doomsday Era, I’ve been aware of my surroundings. To be precise, I’ve been trying to find the frenzy that permeates the environment. Since it is a force dangerous enough to erode Impermanence, there must be traces.

But in the end, I couldn’t find anything that matched the description around me.

"I can’t answer what frenzy really is because ’frenzy’ is actually an ill-defined concept," the cartographer thought for a moment before answering. "The so-called frenzy isn’t a real gas; it’s more similar to a conceptual substance imagined by us survivors, created to explain why we have amnesia and go mad."

"Like ’ether?’" I suddenly understood.

The concept of "ether" was initially invented by ancient philosophers to explain the working of the world, believed to be a mysterious substance filling the universe. This theory lay dormant for a time until modern times, when some physicists envisioned it as the medium for electromagnetic wave propagation, which eventually got replaced by more advanced theories.

It sounds like the modern astronomical concepts of "dark matter" and "dark energy" have a similar connotation. As for whether they are indeed constructed concepts like "ether" to make the universe’s theory continue to hold, I do not have enough judgment as a layman.

And in the Doomsday Era, to explain uncomprehending phenomena, people once again used the same method as the ancients.

Afterward, the cartographer took Tan Xiang and me to allocate private rooms.

I chose a room in the corner of the safe house. After the cartographer and Tan Xiang left, I had some time to rest alone. The windows here weren’t nervously sealed off like the house I first arrived at; I sat by the window, looking out at the sky.

The night sky was still dark as ever, like boundless black iron, suffocating.

This is the world where Mazao lived...

What is Mazao thinking about now?

How can I return to the modern world? I racked my brains.

Time travel is not something that can be achieved casually, especially in the chaotic time and space of the Doomsday Era. I neither have the specialized ability to navigate time and space nor possess the related knowledge. Although Little Bowl is the key figure who sent Mazao to the modern world, it’s a miracle she can’t even replicate herself. Even if I reunite with her, achieving the goal of returning couldn’t follow naturally from that.

I can’t just exile myself back into the world’s void again, hoping to time-travel with luck, can I? Let alone figuring out how to exile myself again, I don’t understand why I was able to perceive the "Firefly" in the void last time. Perhaps next time, I won’t be so lucky.

No, when it comes down to it...

Why do I want to go back?

The reason I secretly hold reservations about stopping the doomsday isn’t it because I long for its descent...long for a world like the environment I’m now in?

Now, I have arrived in the Doomsday Era, with endless adventures waiting for me.

Do I really have any reason to return to the modern world?

Objectively, there certainly are. My relationship with Mazao, my promise to Zhu Shi, my friendship with Changan...Lu Chan’s loyalty to me, Mr. Zhu’s hopes for me, the ambiguous fate of Taoyuan Village Master and Liu Shuying, the enigmatic North Pole, even Ming Zhuo’s hatred for me, Liangyi’s threats—these can all be reasons for me to return to the modern world. It’s almost endless enumerating them.

However, this is the Doomsday Era.

It has everything I pursue. To forsake all this for modern-world ties, isn’t that missing the point? There’s a voice inside me that whispers that.

What truly leaves me indecisive isn’t that I can’t make a choice.

It’s that I find I seem to be able to choose easily.

Which forces me to consider: at the end of this easily-trodden path, is there truly everything I want?

I exhaled a breath and walked out of the room, heading downstairs. There was nobody else around at the moment; it seemed the cartographer and the others went to rest on the second floor. On the first floor of the safe house, only the blessing on the central big roundtable quietly swayed, the white light appearing to respond to my restless heart.

I walked toward the blessing.

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