Apocalypse King: Recruiting S-Tier Beauties With My Ruler System
Chapter 172: The One I Hurt - Part 1

Chapter 172: The One I Hurt - Part 1

The sky was still dark.

I didn’t know the exact time, but the air told me it was late—somewhere between midnight and regret.

Mu Qinglan and Yifei were still asleep. Yifei clung to the blanket like a child, one leg draped over Qinglan’s hip. Both of them looked peaceful.

But I only needed a few hours... so I wasn’t.

Slipping out of bed, I pulled on some clothes and tiptoed toward the second floor. I didn’t bother with a lantern. I didn’t want light. I wanted cold. The kind that bit at your skin and made you remember you were still alive.

The hallway creaked under my steps, but no one stirred.

The doors to the balcony were already cracked open.

That was the first sign.

Then I heard it—a shift, the soft scrape of bare feet on wood. Someone was already out there.

I stepped through.

Jiang Roulan stood on the balcony while leaning over. She held the bars while wearing a pair of tight jeans, revealing her thong and a loose t-shirt and tied up hair with loose strands hanging by her ears.

She seemed in a trance, watching the distance.

I stopped a few steps behind her.

She finally spoke. "Thought it might be you."

I didn’t answer.

She kept her eyes on the skyline, where the ruins of the city met the low clouds. No stars. No moon. Just silence.

"Too much noise in your head?" she asked.

"Something like that."

She nodded, but there wasn’t a smile.

"You fuck them both?" she asked, voice flat. "Qinglan and Yifei?"

"...Yeah."

"Of course you did."

The silence stretched again.

She didn’t cry. Didn’t raise her voice. But the hurt was still there—settled in her posture, in the stiffness of her shoulders, in the way she didn’t look at me.

I exhaled slowly. "I was a fool. Back at the base."

"You left me alone," she said.

"I know."

"I waited for you."

I nodded.

Her voice didn’t break, but I could hear what she was holding in.

"You told me I was yours. And then I watched you leave. Watched you walk right into Qinglan’s bed like I didn’t exist."

The air felt sharper than before.

"I wanted to come after you," she said. "To scream, to slap you, to throw something. But I didn’t. Because I thought you’d come back. And you didn’t."

I stepped closer, resting both hands on the railing beside her.

"I was too caught up chasing something that made me feel good," I said. "You were right there. And I looked past you."

She glanced at me then, just a little. Her eyes were tired, but clear.

"Why?"

I didn’t lie.

"Because I could. And I thought I deserved it. The power, the attention, the women. I thought it meant I was winning."

"And now?"

I swallowed once.

"I don’t even know what I feel half the time anymore,"

"It’s like... I want them. All of them. You included. To hide my insecurities and worries. But I can’t tell where the want stops and the need begins."

She remained silent, but I felt her eyes on me now.

"I tell myself it’s strategy. That if I keep them close, they won’t betray me. That it’s smart and tactical."

I let out a quiet breath and stared at the horizon, the dark ruins lit by nothing but memory.

"...But I am just a fool, who wanted to bite off more than I could chew, without thinking and just taking constantly."

Roulan didn’t stay quiet this time.

She turned, grabbed the front of my shirt, and pushed me—hard—back into one of the old balcony chairs. My back hit the frame with a dull thud.

Before I could even speak, she stepped between my legs, straddling the edge of the chair. Her hands gripped mine, pinning them down to the wooden arms, her eyes locked onto mine like knives that didn’t want to kill—just carve truth out of me.

"I won’t give you another chance," she said. "This is it."

"Rou—"

Her finger pressed against my lips.

"Don’t speak," she whispered. "Just shut up and listen for once, John."

I did.

"I’m not looking for some quick fuck. Not some childish campfire romance where we kill zombies by day and screw under blankets by night. I want more than that. I want someone who stands with me. Someone I can support. Someone who supports me back. I want a man who’ll face this miserable, broken world beside me—and not forget I exist just because some girl with nice thighs walks by."

Her knee pressed between my legs, firm enough that I felt it. Not playful. Not seductive. Just pressure—control. Her breath ghosted against my cheek.

"I like you," she said. "It’s not love—not yet. But it hurts when I see you flirting with Qinglan, when I hear Yifei moan through the damn wall, when you make the whole damn camp revolve around you and I’m just another name in your group."

I stared at her in complete shock.

Yet Roulan just stared back.

"Maybe it’s easier for you. You’re the leader. The centre of everything. But I’m not. I’m just Jiang Roulan. The one you left behind."

My throat felt dry.

"But I won’t be just another one of your women. Not ever again. If you want me—it’s as your equal."

She let go of one wrist, brought her hand to my chest.

"I don’t want a relationship based on sex. I want a partnership. One where we carry each other’s burdens. Where I know you’re not just holding me when you’re horny—but because you choose me."

She leaned in until our foreheads touched.

"If you betray that," she whispered, "if you forget my heart again, I will leave. I won’t cry. I won’t scream. I’ll walk out of that gate alone, and even if the monsters tear me apart—I won’t come back."

I couldn’t breathe.

"Tell me..."

"Should I forget you now... or will you become my partner?"

I couldn’t answer her right away. My mouth felt dry, and countless thoughts with no relevance flew through my mind, confusing me.

Yet I wanted to face her...

Roulan didn’t look away. She just held me there—hands pressing mine against the chair, her knee between my legs, breath hot against my cheek.

Her presence filled everything.

And I couldn’t move.

Not because she was stronger.

Because I knew I deserved this.

Her words hit me somewhere I wasn’t used to feeling anything—somewhere past my cock, past the instinct to command or take. It wasn’t anger in her voice. Or even pain.

It was a decision.

And it scared the shit out of me.

This wasn’t teasing.

It was real.

"I won’t give you another chance," she said again. Her voice didn’t shake. "I need to know right now. Not next week. Not after your next round with Qinglan."

I nodded once. Then again—sharper. "You’re right."

She narrowed her eyes slightly.

"I was selfish. I left you behind, knowing exactly what that meant. Because I wanted to fuck her."

She didn’t blink.

"I didn’t think about you. Or anyone. I just wanted what I wanted. I didn’t even feel guilty."

"Then why are you here now?" she asked. "Why bother crawling back to talk like you care?"

I didn’t hesitate.

"Because you were right."

Roulan’s expression didn’t soften. She took the words, but she didn’t let them soothe her. She’d waited too long to be soothed.

"I don’t need pretty words," she said. "I need actions. I need you to remember this moment."

Everything Roulan said to me was like another slug being shot into my gut, yet... the hands holding me loosened the more I listened.

"If I forget again... you’ll walk."

"I won’t just walk," she snapped. "I’ll disappear. I’ll vanish so far into the zones no one will even remember my name. And it’ll be because you made me believe I mattered... and then threw me away."

The words didn’t echo.

They were heavy enough to sit between us like a loaded weapon.

I tried to say something, but she shoved a hand against my chest.

"Don’t talk your way out of this. Not this time."

Her hand lingered there, flat, steady, like she was feeling for weakness underneath all the strength I pretended to have.

"I know what I look like," she muttered. "Sexy, soft, reliable and easy... I like to make sexual jokes and you feel that you can lean on me."

"And that’s true... but i am not your doormat, John."

I didn’t argue.

She wasn’t wrong.

"And I know what you are too," she went on. "Strong, cocky, smarter than you act—and yet you’re so vulnerable and lonely... yet you don’t even realise it. So when they fall into your bed, you feel complete and safe in those few hours together..."

Still, I didn’t speak.

This wasn’t the moment for me to defend anything.

Her knee remained pressed up, holding me in place as she lowered her face closer to mine.

She muttered, "I’m not here to compete for your attention." "I’m not here for convenience. And I won’t beg for scraps of your affection when you’re in between orgasms."

She paused, eyes narrowing.

"I want a man I can fight beside. Kill for. Sleep beside without wondering if he’s already planning whose bed he’ll roll into next."

The tension in my jaw pulsed.

Not from anger.

From guilt.

From the heat rising in my chest that I couldn’t name.

Not lust.

Something new.

Something that stung.

Search the lightnovelworld.cc website on Google to access chapters of novels early and in the highest quality.