Anthesis of Sadness
Chapter 188: You Were Born

Chapter 188: You Were Born

A memory. But not a nightmare. Not a tear ripped through memory. Not a scream rising from the depth of the throat. Not a scene of fleeing, of fear, of slamming doors in panic.

No. Just a moment. One of those that seems insignificant at the time, but leaves a strange imprint in the body. A fragment of calm, of almost forgotten warmth. Something minuscule, but real. Something that didn’t scream to exist, but had survived, silently, through everything else.

I was small. Really small. Lying in a bed — a real bed, for once. Not an astral cocoon woven of mist. Not an illusion planted in the hollow of a doubtful memory. A real bed, tangible, with a mattress a little too firm and a rough sheet that scratched the skin with every movement.

I remember breathing loudly, deliberately, even exaggeratedly, hoping she’d believe I was already asleep. And she was there. Present. Sitting on a low, simple chair, fading into the room as if she didn’t want to take up space. Curved back, fatigue in her neck, tousled hair.

She wasn’t looking at me. She barely moved. But she was watching over me. And she sang. Very softly. Almost to herself. A hoarse voice, veiled by the hours, worn by the days, but so soft, so real it became unreal.

The words reached me blurred. Foreign, maybe. Incomprehensible. But it didn’t matter. The words weren’t what mattered. It was what I felt. What vibrated in the air, in her throat, in her presence.

It was... love. A raw, awkward, silent love. A love that asked for nothing. That didn’t even know how to be seen. That sang to a child she believed asleep, expecting nothing. Just so the world, for a second, would remain a little gentler.

And I feel. For real. Not a circling thought, not an emotion drowned in noise. Just... a full sensation.

And it’s not hatred. It’s not sarcasm either, nor one of those heavy regrets that keep me awake at night. No. It’s something else. Something barer. More intimate.

Just a shiver, faint but deep, that moves through me slowly, from throat to belly, like a mute whisper my body had recognized before my mind could grasp it — a discreet vibration, but so real it was enough to keep me there, still, breathing a little slower, as if I were finally... alive.

For the first time in too long... I accept that love. Not as a burden, not as a debt, not as pain disguised as tenderness.

I accept it without fighting, without raising fists against what’s being given to me, without trying to push it away out of fear of losing it. I don’t need to deserve it. I don’t need to twist myself to enter it.

I accept it just... to exist. To breathe with it. To let it live in me without condition.

And in that reconciled silence, the voice returns, distant, peaceful, carried by the air like a final suspended note:

— You remember now.

And this time, I don’t push it away.

I no longer need to. No more need to scream, to flee, to deny.

I am here. And that is enough.

I rose slowly. Not because I felt better. Not because something in me had suddenly healed or because the pain had vanished like magic.

No. I rose because the moment had passed. Because the memory had lived what it had to live, in all its unexpected softness, in all its silent truth.

And it hadn’t exploded. It hadn’t broken me. It hadn’t swallowed my mind, nor ravaged what still held together in me. It remained there, simply, like a discreet guest no longer expected. It had found its place. In me. And it was neither scream, nor weight, nor threat. Just... serene.

So I walked. Without haste, without heaviness either — just with the rhythm needed for the world to slowly settle back around me, for my steps to regain their weight without having to flee or to root.

I walked neither fast nor slow. I walked as one breathes after a long apnea. As one returns to oneself without making noise. As one finally accepts to move forward without needing to destroy everything behind.

And at the end of the path... it awaited me. Soundlessly. Without solemnity. The last Tonal-Cocoon, suspended between two ancient roots, twisted like gnarled hands that had decided to carry something without gripping.

It barely trembled, its vibrant fibers undulating under a breath I couldn’t even feel, as if the world held its breath around it. It didn’t sing. It murmured no promises. It made no call.

But it was open. Completely. Silently. And in that opening, there was no threat, no demand. Just a presence. A bare invitation. It accepted. What I was. What I had been. What I had yet to become.

I knelt before it, without rush, without tension, as one settles rather than bows, knees sinking into the astral dust, fine, warm, almost alive, and palms flat against the ground, that strange ground softly vibrating beneath my hands like a familiar skin.

And I breathed. Just once. Slowly. Deeply. Not to prepare myself. Not to shield myself. Just... to be there. Fully. Present. Offered.

Then I brought my lips close. Without hesitation. Without a shiver. Without that familiar tension that had so often accompanied decisive moments.

I wasn’t trembling. There was no rage to blind me, no shame to bend me, no mask to protect me. Nothing to hide. Nothing to prove. Just a breath. Simple. Calm. Offered not as a weapon, but as a confession. As a breath given back to the world.

I exhaled. Without ceremony. Without tension. It wasn’t long. Nor strong. Not even beautiful. It wasn’t a spectacular gesture, not a grand act meant to be seen. But it was sincere. Absolutely. Entirely.

I breathed out the memory, not in words, for words would have betrayed its texture, but in sensation. In breath. In heartbeat.

I let out that fragment of me that no longer knew how to exist otherwise — the moment when I was small, tiny, fragile, lying in a bed too big, while she sang for me in the dark expecting no response, and I remained motionless, out of modesty, out of fear, or maybe simply by instinct to preserve that moment.

The moment I was loved without having done anything. When I was... awaited. Not as a hero, nor as a burden. Just... as a child one chooses to watch over.

The Tonal-Cocoon opened. Not in an explosion, not in blinding light or a rupture of the world. No. It opened in a sigh. A barely audible release, almost intimate, as if matter itself had waited for that moment to yield gently.

Its fibers dilated slowly, without violence, like hesitant petals in the morning. And from its heart escaped a blue glow — not dazzling, not blinding, but soft. Fragile. Authentic. A light that didn’t seek to impress. That didn’t want to persuade. A light that simply said: "I am here." Truly here.

I knew. Without explanation, without divine voice, without grand sign. I simply knew, with a calm, full, rooted certainty, that this world had accepted me. Not because I had conquered something, nor because I had completed a task or earned its mercy.

It had accepted me because, for once, I had stopped hiding. Because I had allowed myself to be touched. Truly. Not to be saved. Not to heal. Not even to change. Just... to be. To exist without defense, without detour, without mask. And that, here, was enough.

And behind me, in the discreet rustling of the grass, a voice whispered. Not in my head. Not in my belly. Not like those inner murmurs rising from the past or from fear.

No. In the air. Real. Present. Incarnated in space itself, as if the world had suddenly found words.

— You were born.

I didn’t respond. Not because I refused. But because I didn’t know how. There was nothing to say. Nothing to contradict. And yet... my hands were trembling.

Slightly. Involuntarily. Not from fear, not from cold. But as if the body, in its own way, said thank you. Or maybe simply: I hear.

I was still walking. The key still in my hand, warm, motionless, almost forgotten — and yet impossible to ignore. It weighed nothing. Not really. But I felt it in my bones. In the very structure of what I was.

Like an extra heartbeat added to those I already knew, but deeper, older. Like a new thought that hadn’t yet found its word. Like a fragile glow, discreet, but steady, caught somewhere between throat and chest.

The world around me had gone quiet. Completely. The songs had stopped, as if they knew their role was over. The roots, usually alive, in slow and pulsing motion, had frozen into an almost solemn form.

Even the islets, unstable, unpredictable, had aligned silently, drawing a quiet corridor — straight, clear, nearly impossible. I was not being followed. I was not being awaited. And for the first time, that didn’t mean I was alone.

And yet, at the end of the path... she was there. Waiting for me. Without call. Without insistence. Simply present, as if the world, despite its silence, had kept for her one heartbeat in suspension.

The Guardian. Sitting, exactly like during our first meeting, in that calm, impenetrable posture, almost absurd in such a place. Still as blurry. Still as pale. Like a memory the mind doesn’t dare to fix, or a silhouette too real to be seen without trembling.

But this time, her arms were open. Not to welcome me, not to embrace me, nor even to guide me. They were open simply... to let me pass. As if she acknowledged something in me had changed, that the gate no longer needed to be guarded.

I stopped before her. Not out of hesitation. Not out of fear. Out of respect, perhaps. Out of silence. She raised her eyes to me, slowly, like one looks at a face they had waited for without daring to hope.

There was no smile. No readable expression on her features still veiled by that familiar mist. But her eyes... her eyes were shining. Not with violent emotion. Not with tears. Just that faint, undeniable light, as if she truly saw me. For the first time.

She whispered:

— You breathed.

I nodded. Nothing more. I didn’t need to speak. No need to add a word to what had just happened. She looked at me for a long time, in that special silence one only shares with those who know, with those who have seen.

Then her gaze slowly shifted to my hands.

— You’re trembling.

I lowered my eyes. Gently. As if that simple gesture was enough to confirm everything. Yes. I was trembling.

But not from fear. Not from doubt. Not from that shiver planted in the neck by cold or anxiety. I trembled because my body, in its own way, said what I didn’t yet know how to express. I trembled... because I was alive. Again. And this time, for real.

She stood. Without a word, without any superfluous gesture. Just that silent rise, full of an almost grave gentleness. Then she stepped closer. Slowly. As if each step held its own meaning, as if she knew the moment must not be rushed.

And, very softly, she placed a hand on my cheek. Her palm was warm. Unexpected in its warmth. But most of all... real. Infinitely real.

— You may ascend, she said, in a calm breath that pressed nothing.

I didn’t move. Not right away. For a moment longer, I stayed there, motionless, suspended between before and after, between what she had just said... and what I had to become.