After Breaking Off the Engagement, I Started Pursuing My Master
Chapter 199 - What exactly do you want from me?

Chapter 199: What exactly do you want from me?

Jiang Huai was aware of the gimmicks of Ziyun Pavilion.

Ziyun Pavilion had been open for many, many years, existing in this world for centuries. Many of the dresses they sold were styles from his past life’s memories, which meant that Ziyun Pavilion likely also had a transmigrator like him. Jiang Huai was somewhat familiar with these marketing tactics. Giving Chu Xianning dresses was not only to curry favor with her but also because of her reputation. If she wore Ziyun Pavilion’s dresses, then surely many female cultivators would follow suit.

Jiang Huai remembered that Ziyun Pavilion had once sent someone to ask for Chu Xianning’s opinion. As long as Chu Xianning agreed, Ziyun Pavilion would send her the new styles of each season. However, Chu Xianning always disliked accepting gifts from others and would coldly refuse.

Now, seeing Chu Xianning wearing this cheongsam, huh, it actually looked quite nice.

Jiang Huai took a second glance but quickly averted his eyes, feeling somewhat uncomfortable with how Chu Xianning’s eyes seemed less cold than usual today.

What should he be doing at this time on a regular day?

Should he be wagging his tail at Chu Xianning, saying how nice the weather is today, how beautiful she looks in her outfit, and suggesting a walk around the sect?

Those words had already popped into his head just now, but he swallowed them back down.

No, Jiang Huai, you can’t.

You’re not a master of love; no matter how hard you try, you can only slightly stir Chu Xianning’s heartstrings. Yet you expect too much, and the disappointment that follows unmet expectations leads to a vicious cycle.

But if you were truly a master of love, with all those despicable tactics to make someone fall for you, would you still love Chu Xianning if you used those tactics on her?

Two voices in Jiang Huai’s head began to argue incessantly.

What are you feeling guilty about?

Jiang Huai suddenly realized this and let go of the thought after a moment. He looked at Chu Xianning’s cheeks and softly asked,

“The fog has cleared, does Master want to go out for a walk?”

“Where to?”

“The waterfalls at Lingyuan Mountain are particularly fierce right now, want to go see?”

“Sure.”

Unexpectedly, Chu Xianning agreed so easily that Jiang Huai felt an unreal sensation.

“Then, Master, please wait for me to bathe and change clothes.”

Jiang Huai quickly went to the bathhouse. Soaking in the water, his mind became a bit clearer. Soon after, he changed into a white outfit and came out to join Chu Xianning, and they left together.

The summer sunlight was bright, shining on the cheongsam that hugged Chu Xianning’s body, highlighting her slender and delicate waist, barely graspable. Walking by her side, a faint scent of flowers brushed against him. The sight of the master and disciple walking together in the mountains was rare, drawing sideways glances from passing disciples, yet no one dared to look directly at Chu Xianning’s face.

The waterfalls of Lingyuan Mountain were spectacular. Jiang Huai had seen them once before. Sitting on a cool, cold bluestone by the waterfall, when Jiang Huai and Chu Xianning arrived, there was no one else around. Chu Xianning stood quietly in front of the waterfall, gazing at it, her eyes deepening slightly.

Actually, there wasn’t much to see at the waterfall.

It seemed like the only thing left in the world was the sound of the waterfall hitting the surface of the water, noisy yet so quiet. Jiang Huai looked at Chu Xianning’s profile as the wind blew strands of hair away from her ears, and the hem of her cheongsam fluttered, revealing a small section of her smooth, white leg.

But Jiang Huai’s mind started to wander to inexplicable things.

Where did his obsession with Chu Xianning come from?

If, if Chu Xianning reciprocated his feelings, what would she become?

Would she be as gentle as water or remain as cold as usual?

What did he truly desire from his Master?

Did he want her cold, pure temperament, or to melt her icy heart?

Jiang Huai knew that many people in the Eastern Region admired his fairy-like Master Chu Xianning.

What did they like about her?

Her stunning beauty? Or her cold, unattainable demeanor like the moon?

It seemed his affection wasn’t particularly noble; he just wanted to see the ice maiden smile only for him, as if that would give him a full sense of achievement. Thinking more despicably, Chu Xianning had raised him from a young age, she was both a teacher and a mother to him. But Chu Xianning didn’t know that the body of the little boy she raised also housed the soul of an adult.

He would act like a child to get her affection, and she always responded warmly, and he took advantage of that... It seemed he was always the despicable one.

So he always felt that Chu Xianning understood his despicableness, but when Chu Xianning said those words last night, she seemed very serious.

Jiang Huai suddenly felt like he really didn’t understand Chu Xianning enough.

“Master, why are you wearing white silk stockings today?”

Jiang Huai didn’t know what to say, but the silence felt uncomfortable, so he blurted out some meaningless chatter.

“The woman from Ziyun Pavilion who sent me the cheongsam said it would look nice paired together. What do you think?”

Jiang Huai nodded vigorously.

“It does look very nice.”

Chu Xianning turned to look at him.

“Where do you think it looks nice?”

“Everywhere looks nice, this cheongsam really suits Master’s figure.”

Chu Xianning walked over to Jiang Huai. The bluestone he was sitting on was large, and with a light jump, she also hopped onto it, resting her hands on the stone, her eyes gazing at the waterfall not far ahead. Jiang Huai heard her softly say.

“I don’t really have a figure, not like Luo Yueguan.”

Chu Xianning’s figure was indeed slender, not excessively thin. Jiang Huai, as a child, always liked to rub against Chu Xianning’s long, white legs, soft and fragrant. Her figure was indeed not as voluptuous and enticing as Luo Yueguan’s. Even if Luo Yueguan wore a perfectly tailored cheongsam, there was always a hint of seductiveness.

“It’s different, Master’s slender body is more suited to wearing palace dresses, making you seem like a fairy, no, you are a fairy.”

“But you just said it looked nice,” Chu Xianning suddenly said.

Jiang Huai was startled, turning to look into Chu Xianning’s eyes. She was just looking at him coldly, and Jiang Huai quickly corrected himself.

“This outfit also looks nice, in fact, Master looks good in anything, even if it’s just a burlap sack, no one could compare.”

Chu Xianning’s gaze returned to the distant waterfall, and she murmured softly.

“I never used to care... about looking nice.”

Jiang Huai was taken aback again.

“I used to be alone, hated troublesome things, so I never got involved in them, just practiced cultivation alone. But ever since I brought you back to the courtyard, it seems I’ve changed a lot. Last night, I was looking through my old diaries and suddenly realized that the old me seems somewhat unfamiliar.”

“So does Master think... this change is good or bad?” Jiang Huai asked softly.

“I can’t tell,” Chu Xianning shook her head gently, but her eyes seemed to become a bit lost.

“People are strange. I just don’t like trouble, and they somehow call me the ice fairy Chu Xianning. I never liked this nickname in the past, but I never argued against it, and gradually even I got used to it.”

“Luo Yueguan always says she envies my clear and desireless life, but it’s not like that.” Chu Xianning’s eyelashes drooped slightly.

“I also have many troubles, but I never knew who to talk to.”

“Can’t you talk to me?”

“No,” Chu Xianning replied softly.

“But humans invented writing and language to communicate feelings.”

“But some words... just can’t be said, the more you say, the less clear they become.”

Chu Xianning’s voice grew softer, her eyes still fixed on the distant waterfall.

After a while, she muttered,

“And some words are not useful just because they are said, nor can they be clearly expressed just because you want to.”

“Like what?”

“Like when I told you to behave, and you promised you would, but did you really become well-behaved?”

Chu Xianning finally turned her gaze back, her cold eyes landing on Jiang Huai’s face.

Jiang Huai was at a loss for words. Chu Xianning was right; she had warned him many times before, but each time he would forget the pain once the wound healed.

“The first time you started misbehaving, I was so angry I couldn’t sleep all night.”

“Which time?” Jiang Huai was taken aback.

“When you were fourteen, in the courtyard, we drank together. You thought I was drunk and while I was asleep, you quietly pinched my face several times and even leaned close to my face, your breath falling on it, but ultimately you didn’t dare to go any further.”

Jiang Huai was stunned.

“So at that time... Master wasn’t asleep?”

“Every time I drink, I stop when I’m almost drunk. I don’t want to move, but my senses are clear, so I remember everything that happens when I’m drunk.” Chu Xianning turned away,

“That night I was very angry, I wanted to beat you up.”

“But I remember Master didn’t beat me that time...”

“I thought it was your first offense, and in the end, you restrained your greed, hoping that as you grew older and understood things better, you would change.”

Chu Xianning’s tone even carried a hint of grievance.

“But not only did you not change, you even became worse, first you stopped calling me ‘mother’ and started calling me ‘Master’, then you casually tried to call me ‘sister’... If you massaging my feet in the past was a sign of filial piety from a child, can you guarantee that when you were fourteen or fifteen, it was still with a sincere heart, without any impure thoughts?”

Jiang Huai, of course, couldn’t answer, because even as a child... he was just infatuated with Chu Xianning’s beauty, always wanting to be close to Chu Xianning.

“Every time I hit you, I never used full force, just to make you remember the lesson. Do you think I don’t know that every time you cry out in pain, it’s fake? I always believed you would change, that you would understand you shouldn’t covet your Master, especially since she raised you like a mother. But you always forget the pain once the wound heals, even becoming more and more outrageous, even last night you said... it’s because I always say inexplicable things at just the right moment?”

“For many years, I’ve been alone, and I don’t know how to teach you, so I’ve thought about it for a long time and still can’t understand, what did I do wrong that made you, who were so well-behaved as a child, become like this now? Is it because I indulged you too much?”

“It’s not Master’s fault, it’s not Master’s fault, it’s me being delusional, it’s me... coveting Master’s beauty, it’s my greed, so I...”

“If it’s because of this face, if it’s destroyed, would you no longer be troubled by desire?”

Chu Xianning’s sword ring flew in front of her, the blade pointing at her cheek.

Jiang Huai shuddered, almost instantly pulling Chu Xianning into a tight embrace.

“Don’t...”

“What exactly do you want from me?”

Chu Xianning’s lips moved slightly, whispering softly, as two lines of tears suddenly slid down her eyes.

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