A Royal Obligation -
Chapter 140: Silent Struggles
Chapter 140: Silent Struggles
Amarok wiped the sweat from his brow as he carried a basket of freshly laundered linens through the palace halls. His fingers ached from the day’s work, but the physical strain was nothing compared to the weight of what he had been enduring.
Ever since returning from Zephryos, his world had begun to crumble. His heart ached with the love he had for Lucian and Julian, but every day that love seemed to turn into a source of agony.
The palace had always been busy, filled with bustling servants attending to the royal family, preparing meals, cleaning rooms, and running errands.
Amarok had once blended in, just another face among the staff. But now, every step he took seemed to attract unwanted attention, every glance from a passing servant filled with something darker, something cruel.
As he turned the corner into one of the narrower corridors, he nearly collided with two servants walking in the opposite direction. The moment they saw him, their faces twisted into sneers. Amarok lowered his head, hoping to pass without incident.
"Look who it is," one of them said, his voice dripping with malice. "The twins’ little pet."
Amarok’s stomach clenched, but he kept moving, trying to brush off the insult as he had so many times before. He didn’t have the strength to fight them, not today.
The second servant laughed, stepping in front of him to block his path. "What’s wrong, Amarok? Too good to speak to us now that you’ve warmed the twins’ bed?"
The words stung, even though Amarok had heard similar taunts for weeks now. He bit his tongue and kept his gaze fixed on the ground. He didn’t dare respond, knowing it would only make things worse.
"Still pretending to be one of us?" the first servant asked, shoving Amarok’s shoulder roughly. "You might ride in the carriage with them, but don’t forget, you’re nothing but a servant. Just like the rest of us."
Amarok staggered back, gripping the basket tighter to steady himself. His heart raced, his pulse loud in his ears. He wanted to shout, to defend himself, to tell them that they didn’t understand. But what good would it do? The truth was, part of him believed their words. No matter how much Lucian and Julian cared for him, he was just a servant. And now, everyone in the palace saw him as something less.
"Bet the twins will get bored soon enough," the second servant sneered. "What do you think? How long before they throw him aside for someone new?"
They both laughed, their voices echoing in the narrow hall, and Amarok felt his face flush with shame. He tightened his grip on the basket, wishing he could disappear, wishing he could be anywhere but here.
"Maybe we should help them along," the first servant said, stepping closer, his voice low and threatening. "What do you think would happen if the king found out? Think he’d let a lowly servant like you keep his head after bedding the royal twins?"
Amarok’s breath hitched. His hands trembled, but he forced himself to stand still, to show no fear.
The king, if King Xavian ever found out about his relationship with Lucian and Julian, the consequences would be devastating. Not just for him, but for the twins as well.
The thought terrified him, and the servants knew it. They fed on that fear.
"You tell anyone about us," the second servant whispered, leaning in close enough that Amarok could feel his breath on his neck, "and we’ll make sure the king hears all about your dirty little secret."
Amarok’s chest tightened with dread, but he didn’t move. He couldn’t. He was trapped, caught between their threats and the truth he carried. His whole body trembled with the weight of it all, the fear gnawing at his insides like a hungry beast. If the king knew...
With one final shove to his shoulder, the two servants pushed past him, laughing as they went. Amarok stood frozen in the hallway, his knuckles white from gripping the basket so hard. He waited until the sound of their footsteps faded before he finally allowed himself to breathe.
Later that evening, he stood in front of a mirror in his small room in the servants’ quarters. His reflection stared back at him, eyes red from the tears he had tried so hard to hide. His mind was a whirlwind of doubt and pain, and for the first time, he couldn’t bear to look at himself.
Amarok leaned against the wall, closing his eyes as he let the memories of the past few weeks wash over him.
The verbal assaults, the harsh whispers, the cruel jostling in the halls, they all felt like an assault on his very existence. He had once found solace in the love Lucian and Julian gave him, in the way they held him close and made him feel like he mattered. But now, even that love seemed tainted.
"They’ll get bored of you," the voices had said. "You’re nothing to them."
Those words had taken root in his mind, twisting his thoughts into something darker. What if the servants were right? What if he was just a temporary distraction for the twins, something they would tire of once the novelty wore off? And even if they didn’t grow bored, what then?
The fear of their relationship being discovered by the king and queen gnawed at him constantly. If the they found out, he would be cast out, disgraced, and worse, he could lose Lucian and Julian forever.
Amarok’s chest tightened at the thought, his love for the twins warring with the shame that threatened to consume him.
Every time he looked into their eyes, he felt the weight of his secrets.
He had started to pull away from them, distancing himself to protect his heart. But the more he withdrew, the more the twins seemed to worry, their concern evident in every glance, every attempt to draw him back in.
He knew they loved him. He felt it in every touch, every whispered word of affection. But that only made things worse.
If they loved him, why were they hiding? Why didn’t they tell their parents about him? He knew they were trying to protect him, trying to shield him from the potential wrath of the king.
But part of him couldn’t help but wonder, if they truly loved him, wouldn’t they fight for him?
The next morning, Amarok walked through the palace halls, his head held low. The same voices trailed after him as he passed groups of servants, their taunts slicing through the air like sharp blades.
"Here he comes. The twins’ toy."
"Bet he thinks he’s special, doesn’t he?"
"Pathetic."
A rough shove knocked him off balance, and Amarok stumbled, barely catching himself against the stone wall. His pulse quickened, his heart hammering in his chest as a wave of panic crashed over him. He clenched his fists, biting back the tears that threatened to spill.
"Careful, Amarok," one of the men sneered, leaning in close enough for his hot breath to brush Amarok’s cheek. "Wouldn’t want to upset your masters, would you? Or should we tell the king about your little... arrangement?"
Amarok had learned early on that standing up for himself only made things worse. The more he fought back, the more relentless the harassment became. It was safer to endure it in silence, no matter how much it hurt.
He had to endure. He had to protect twins name from being tarnished, even if it meant losing them in the process.
As the servants laughed and walked away, Amarok pressed his back against the cold stone wall, his legs trembling beneath him.
The pain in his chest was unbearable, but he had no choice but to keep it hidden. He couldn’t show weakness. He couldn’t let the twins see how much this was tearing him apart.
By the time he returned to his quarters that night, Amarok was exhausted, not just physically, but emotionally. His heart felt heavy, weighed down by the burden of his silence. He sat on the edge of his small bed, staring at the flickering candlelight as his thoughts spiraled.
He loved Lucian and Julian with every fiber of his being.
But he wasn’t sure how much longer he could live like this.
The constant fear, the relentless bullying, the gnawing doubt, it was all becoming too much to bear.
He had tried to stay strong, to tell himself that he was there to serve the twins, not to be their lover. But the truth was, his love for them made it impossible to separate the two.
He had come to the palace to serve them, to be by their side. But somewhere along the way, his heart had become entwined with theirs, and now he couldn’t untangle it without tearing himself apart.
Amarok pressed his hands to his face, his fingers trembling as the tears spilled from his eyes.
"Maybe... maybe I should leave," he whispered to himself, the words breaking his heart even as they left his lips.
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